How do you deal with a family member who is wearing out their welcome?

Question

At times, I enjoy my sister-n-laws company. However, I can't let her know when I am off work, or she will come over unannounced and uninvited. She comes over and brings my nephew, and then my daughter will not do anything I tell her to do, because she is too busy playing with him. Even if she sees that I am in the middle of something, she still wont leave. I have tried doing things like I normally would, like checking emails, cleaning, doing laundry, or making phone calls, hoping she will see she is just in the way, but she doesn't. She came over this morning, stayed for an hour, then left and came back a couple of hours later. At that point I was trying to get my daughter(3) to help me clean her room, but as soon as she saw my nephew, she didn't want to do anything. I had to tell my nephew to leave the room and then shut the door so we could finish the room. When I came out, they were still there!!! I finally went in my sons room to start cleanings, and thats when she left. Augggg!!!

Don't get me wrong, I like my sister-n-law, but she is a stay-at-home mom and seems to not understand that on my days off I don't always like her coming and spending the day with me. She just seems to assume that on my days off, she is welcome to come over and spend the day with me. Most of the time she doesn't ask to come over, instead she just shows up. I'm not putting down stay-at-home moms at all, but she has every day/all day to clean her house or catch up on things, I don't have that option. I have to do it in the evenings when I am tired, on the weekends when I am wanting to spend time with my family, or on my days off. I can't sit around socializing with her every single day off I have. I felt bad today about the way I finally got her to leave, which was basically ignoring her and going about my business as usual. How can I nicely get her to stop coming over so much?

I think one answerer mis-understood. This sister-n-law is not on my husbands side. This is my brothers wife.

Answer 1

Hah! Oh dear! Well...it sounds to me like your sister in law is a bit unaware of social cues, so your hinting isn't going to help. You may have to just be direct. When she stops by, stop her at the door and tell her that, darn it! Today is really not a good day for a visit. And then tell her when you are next available. "How's Thursday at noon? We can bring our kids to the park for a picnic". That lets her know that you do want to hang out with her and her son, but that your time is not hers to spend, and she needs to coordinate visits with you.

And then stick to your guns. Be kind, but firm. Don't let her in unless it's one of your scheduled visit times. And then when it's time for your visit, you and your daughter can be all theirs. :)

Eventually, the pattern will sink in.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I cant believe the number of people on this site whose relatives and friends think they can just ' drop in'. The word is INVITATION ONLY. Dont answer the door from now on. If there is a window in it, cover it up. If they keep banging on the door, ignore. It is a huge intrusion on your privacy. If they call you and say " Oh I just wanted to know if you are ok since no one answered but I could hear you are home" Say, Oh yes I was busy. I have to go now I will call you and INVITE you over a different time. Then Dont invite. They will get the message. Also , start letting your phone take messages. You need to concentrate on your daughter and family first. No one comes into our home unless they have been invited by us!It is at our convenience, not theirs. Its a good thing

Answer 3

One complex equation reduced to simplicity.
I hear everything you're saying; problem is...
do you?
A lot of the things you've addressed to us could just as easily have been addressed to your sister-in-law. They weren't harsh. All you have to do is be polite but firm.

Many people who don't like to hurt other people's feelings fail to understand that it's
far better to be honest than to keep the lie
going.
Relay to her that it's fine for the two of you to hang out together on some of your off days. That you love her and all, but need her
to respect your situation more. That you would prefer that she had not pop up totally
unannounced, as you're accustomed to people calling and checking with you first to see if it's a good time.

Stop keeping this bottled up inside because one day she might catch you on a really
bad day, then you're going to say some things to her that you can't take back.
And if not for yourself then do it for your
daughter. She deserves your off days and
attention a whole lot more.

So, stop feeling guilty and regain control of your household. No one deserves to be held
hostage in their own home. Confront her about these issue while you're still calm enough to do so without resorting to losing your temper. Then after you're done, breathe a sigh of relief and have zero regrets. Best of luck.

Answer 4

You should say to her, I'm very busy today and this is a bad time,could you come back another time? That's about as nice as you should be, don't let her come in. You are being too nice to her, even though she's your husband's sister she shouldn't drop by without calling first.

Answer 5

i suggest not telling her when you are off or you could just tell her maybe on the weekend or on another day you have off you all can hang out but let you clean up today because you barely get the chance

Answer 6

it is your place, pray all you prefer. do exactly no longer make the only that doesn't pray sense like an outcast for no longer partaking. you ought to probable have that guy or woman stand next to you, and tell them that even nevertheless you be responsive to they do no longer believe, it feels good preserving their hand besides, given which you may in no way have adequate opportunities to teach how plenty you love somebody. tell them that they do no longer ought to prefer, or perhaps close their eyes or perhaps say a be conscious during the prayer, you basically savour their organisation in that previous kin custom. you may tell them this in my view, as a manner to no longer positioned them in the spotlight. That way, they are able to tell you techniques they sense on the subject of the full ingredient and you may make ameliorations from there. as quickly as each and every person knows and accepts eachother for who they are and how they sense, I see no reason you will no longer be able to nevertheless have them as a factor of the custom. Use it as a potential to teach your loved ones cohesion, and enable them to be responsive to which you nevertheless evaluate them area of the gang, disbelief and all. I assure you, carried out genuine (with love and know-how, besides as a willingness to pay attention) you should use this as a potential to foster a togetherness which will make even the atheist prefer to be a factor of.

Answer 7

I would ask your brother to break it to her gently. Tell her that you need some alone time or you will go nuts:)
Seriously though I would tell her that you have so much to do and feel like a bad hostess AND you need time alone after working so much. Your brother might have a better chance of breaking it to her gently.

Answer 8

Just come right out and say, "You know, I've got a ton of stuff I need to get done. Can we schedule a time to visit? I just don't have time right now and I'm really busy."

You have to be up front and firm.

Answer 9

Make sure your doors are locked and don't answer the next time she comes over. Repeat as neccessary. She'll eventually get the hint.

Answer 10

That situation can get sticky with her being "family" i always just stick to the rule that you be the spokesperson with your family and your husband be that for his. I wouldnt confront her I would let him somehow break it to her. Its a really sticky situation and there is no way to skirt around it!
Good Luck