She will also be my maid of honor.The reason why I do not want him at my wedding is because I don't like him. I want my guests to be people who care about us being a couple.
2007-08-01 10:09:45 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
has he done anyhting directly to you or your husband to be?
if not, you cant just tell your guests who they can and cant bring to your wedding.
there were people at my wedding that i dont like, but i just had to deal with it.
2007-08-01 10:12:45 · answer #1 · answered by Awesome Rockin Mom 7 · 6⤊ 1⤋
An interesting assortment of generally bad answers going on here. Let's get back to some etiquette basics, OK?
First off, when it comes to invitations, unless the invitation names both parties (or says "and guest" or "and date" or some other such tacky add-on) then it is presumptive to assume that you may bring your own guest! An invitation to one person is just that, an invitation to that person alone! It's considered bad form to even ask if you may bring a date or guest! And it is a major etiquette no-no to simply show up with one!
But this situation does not involve an invitation, but the presumed guest of a member of the wedding party. As such, if you wish the Maid of Honor to bring a guest, you should extend an invitation to that person directly. If no invitation is extended, it would be in bad taste for her to just bring one on her own initiative.
This is something that you should discuss with the MOH directly to avoid any surprises or hurt feelings. If she knows you well -- and someone you are honoring with such an intimate request should know you better than even your own mother does -- she probably knows how you feel about her significant other and will certainly understand why you feel as you do. If she throws a fit over the request, or indicates that she will not honor your wishes, you probably have not chosen a MOH wisely and should consider asking someone more suitable to be your MOH.
So, don't "tell" your friend to not bring her boyfriend, but ask her nicely. Explain that you don't share her ardor for him and are uneasy around him. If she is a TRUE friend she'll understand and will honor your wishes.
2007-08-01 10:30:57 · answer #2 · answered by Bostonian In MO 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are allowing other people to bring guests and you don't allow your maid of honor to bring her boyfriend, that may well be the end of your friendship. Unless her boyfriend has done something terrible to you or is likely to disrupt your wedding, you are going to need to make a choice that could mean the difference between keeping a friend and not.
If you feel that strongly about him not being there, you should probably choose a different maid of honor. Otherwise, if you tell her you don't want him there because you don't like him, that is telling your friend that you don't like her choice of boyfriend but you still expect her to like YOUR choices enough to be your maid of honor. How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot and she wanted you to be her maid of honor and was allowing other people to bring guests and dates but didn't want YOUR fiance there?
While people may be saying that you don't "have to" let him come to your wedding, you also need to realize that you will be making a serious affront to someone who presumably is one of your best friends. If you care about her, you won't put her in a position where she essentially has to choose between her boyfriend and her best friend. Really, what this is going to come down to is whether you dislike the guy enough to ruin a friendship over.
2007-08-01 10:33:17 · answer #3 · answered by maypenguin39 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really want to not have your maid of honor as a friend, then go ahead and do this. If you do this, your maid of honor may also completely refuse to be in your wedding. Your maid of honor is part of a couple, meaning you get both or none.
One big part of life is dealing with people you don't particularly like. You can't just exclude everyone you don't like; it's just not how life works. Everyone has some guests at their wedding that they may not exactly like because they are family or someone's spouse, etc.
2007-08-01 10:15:56 · answer #4 · answered by Sturm und Drang 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
When you addressed her inviataion to ' and Guest' you opened the proverbial door to her boyfriend, her neighbor, her cousin, her co-worker, the guy she met in the taxi on the way there, etc. When you say she can bring a guest, and you didn't specify a certain person on the invite, then she will rightfully assume that she can bring her boyfriend.
Unless her boyfriend is your ex, or has previously gotten into a fist fight with your fiance, or something bad like that, you cannot ask her to bring someone else without being seen as a spoiled-brat bridezilla.
And just think- if it works out with her boyfriend, and they end up getting married, if you asked that he not be at your wedding, I can guarantee you won't be asked to theirs.
When I first started dating my fiance, nearly all of my friends didn't like him, said I shouldn't see him, some went as far as to try to set me up on dates with other guys. Many of them eventually got over themselves, which is a great thing because we're getting married in 2 weeks. But because my friends were that way to him, I didn't go to a lot of functions I was invited to, because I knew he wouldn't be welcomed. If you tell your friend she can't bring her boyfriend, maid of honor or not, you run the risk of her backing out of your wedding totally.
2007-08-01 10:35:26 · answer #5 · answered by Queen Queso 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a bad idea! If I was your MOH and was asked to not bring my bf as my guest, I'd seriously consider dropping out of the wedding.
If you don't like him, chances are he doesn't like you either. My bf is a groom's man this weekend and I was invited as his guest; however, I frankly can't stand the sight of the couple getting married and have zero desire to attend a wedding for people I can't stand being around. (They're rude, obnoxious, etc - my bf was guilted into being in the wedding party and won't be friends with them afterwards.)
Anyway, I turned down the invitation because I know they don't want me there and I have no desire to go myself. Chances are if he dislikes you as much as you dislike him, he won't go anyway.
2007-08-02 05:10:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What if the rolls were reversed? Would you be upset if she asked you not to bring your b/f to her wedding? I'm pretty sure you would be.
If you feel strongly about this maybe you could mention that he would be by himself the whole time. She'll be at the wedding party table...with you taking pictures...stuff like that. Be careful how you approach this. It could result in you having to find a new maid of honor.
2007-08-01 12:21:02 · answer #7 · answered by SS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is truly your friend, telling her not to invite her boyfriend would be very petty. This is the person she chooses to be with. Whether you like him or not. Even if there is a history of dislike between you and her boyfriend, if the two of you care about her, you will both "make nice" You'll be concentrating on your husband anyway! Unless he becomes unruly, you probably won't even notice him anyway. And why should you expect your maid of honor to attend with someone other than her bf?
2007-08-01 11:25:29 · answer #8 · answered by lulu 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, No, NO!!! You cannot control who your guests, much less your Maid of Honor brings to your wedding! If you're allowing her to bring a guest, then it's her choice who she brings. Now if he's a convicted murderer, there's a difference. But just because "you don't like him", that's going to hurt your friend's feelings and you're risking her backing out of the wedding because you're being immature. You need to decide what's more important - your friend being happy or being a control freak.
2007-08-01 10:17:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
In a nutshell, no it's not really okay.
She will be sitting with you at the head table at the reception and he won't. Your time with him would be limited anyway. You may not even have to see him that day. Why create the drama with your good friend. If he is really that bad, she'll figure it out eventually and leave him.
Maybe she secretly hates your fiancee but she still agreed to be your maid of honor because she loves you.
2007-08-01 10:16:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
BT...lol. YOu made me laugh out loud.
Look I dont really think you can do this. If she is expecting him to have been invited, you are risking her getting angry and pulling herself out of the wedding. You may find yourself with out a MOH. Just be aware of that before you say he is not invited. I do understand where you are coming from. I have a sister that my man absolutely hates, but you know, sometimes ya just have to suck it up and grin and bare it. Just pretend he is not there. That will be so easy with so many people demanding you attention. And if he really is not such a nice person, he might not come anyways, because he is not included with her.
Good luck
2007-08-01 10:15:45 · answer #11 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋