I have an adult stepdaughter with severe anorexia, but she won't get the help she needs. What can we do?

Question

The young woman has suffered and recuperated before as a teen in an inpatient hospital. She has relapsed and refused real treatment, basically a counselor here, a nutritionist there to make her parents think she is doing something, but after four years she is still 5'10 and about 105 pounds. She eats about 500 calories a day. Everyone wonders why we don't do something. We don't know what to do. She's an adult. She cuts off communication when we really get serious with her. We are really frightened.

Answer 1

Encourage your stepdaughter to call EDAP. If she chooses not to, I recommend that you call. Even if you are not the one with the eating disorder, they can help give you perspective and advice and help you understand what your stepdaughter is experiencing. They are the best resource for you right now. They are experts and can help you make wise decisions about what you can do for your stepdaughter.

Eating Disorders Awareness and Prevention (EDAP)
For answers to your questions, information, and nationwide referrals.
1-800-931-2237
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org

I wish you the best of luck. There is help.

Answer 2

I dont know what its called and I am in the states so you might want to ask someone who would know more legal stuff but when I was in the mental health ward there was someone there and her parents were able to put her there. I know this is hard to watch her kill herself like this. Just to warn you it might not do any good because she was forced into recovery. If you are in the states and get this done you can also commit her this is basically like probation except instead of going to jail if she doesnt follow the rules that are set for her she would be going back to the hospital. Right now she isnt really there her eating disorder has taken over and is making all the rules for her to follow. If she was in the drivers seat Im sure she wouldnt be doing this. If you get costody of her medical health than you and you cant put her in the hospital right now because of this that or the other thing wait until she passes out and then she will go the psysical ward and than you can take action. I dont really know how it all works out. I hope this answers some things for you. Please be there when she needs you even if she has cut you out of your life and please find some shread of hope to be strong. Maybe a book would do you some good its called Secret Language of Eating Disorders by Peggy Claude-Pierre. This book will help you to understand her a little better and possibly know how to help her too.

Answer 3

I'm sorry that you are having to go through this with her but,(and I don't mean to sound cold or uncaring or anything like that bu) you said it yourself, she's an adult and if she doesn't want the help then your continual "nagging" is only going to drive a wedge between you guys and possibly drive her completely out of your life.
My advice would be to let her know that you are very concerned about her and her health and that you will be available to help her however you can WHEN SHE'S READY TO ACCEPT that she has a problem and needs help.

Answer 4

Sometimes, however much it may hurt, you have to be cruel to be kind. She is putting her internal organs at serious risk of failure. I would get her sectioned. I know it sounds harsh, but she IS killing herself and is not capable or willing to get help, so unless you want her dead, section her under the mental health act (this is in the UK if you're in the states there must be an equivalent!) Here in UK that means 28 days enforced in hospital. That is where she'll end up anyway if she continues along this route!!

Answer 5

As I'm sure you know, all forms of self-destructive behavior are very hard to change, whether drug addiction, alcoholism, severe obesity, or any other. No one knows if it's psychological, environment, or genetics (or all three!) If she is an adult there is probably nothing anybody can force her to do. My personal belief is that this is a way people commit suicide "nicely". In other words they don't want to exist anymore, but they are too passive to get a shotgun and blow their brains out, so they drag their families through years of misery and pain. Plus they become physically addicted to the endorphines caused by the damage they are doing their bodies (like supermarathon runners) and then they can't stop. You can't reason with them because they have constructed such a careful false reality that they have a handy excuse for every argument you try to make with them. Like trying to argue with a crazy person who things aliens are controlling their brains ("Of course you'd say that to me, that's because the aliens are controlling you too!") Hopefully she will survive long enough to outgrow her mental illness. All the best and God bless you are your stepdaughter.

Answer 6

She is not an adult. Her mind is slow and sluggish and her emotions are child-like do to lack of food and vitamins. I doubt if she can even reason the seriousness of it in her mind. It will be a slow painful death. Maybe, if she lives long enough to get nerve damage, the constant burning skin pain will be enough to get her to eat.

Answer 7

let her be and give her the space she needs. as an adult she has to decide whether she wants help or not. the best thing you can do is remind her that you love her and that you all are there if she ever wants to get help. the worst thing to do would be to pressure her into getting help, that can make the whole situation worse.

Answer 8

I would ask a Dr or psychologist this question. You need specific and accurate answers for your State.