Last year my boyfriend killed himself in front of me aswell as our four yr old daughter, he killed himself?

Question

becuase i was going to leave him, i was wondering if it was my fault for him to kill himself?

Answer 1

No, for he made that decision.

As shocking and disturbing as it was, it's all on him

Answer 2

If this Q is genuine then I was in a similar position when an ex threatened to kill himself when I wanted to leave. He was abusive and played lots of mind games with me - like saying he was gonna hang himself, taking the tv ariel and wrapping it around his neck etc and then if I rang for help he would act like nothing had happened. In the end he threatened to kill me if I left and the police got involved - it was awful. He then stalked me for months and I was scared to go anywhere. In time things improved and in the aftermath I realised that none of his psycho behaviour was my fault. I am a good person who although nowhere near perfect never intends to hurt people, his behaviour on the other hand was designed to provoke a reaction in me and others - he intended to hurt them. That was the difference.

I don't know enough to know if your boyfriend intended to hurt you or if he was just so mucked up that that was a by product of his actions... but what I do know without doubt, that this tragedy is NOT your fault. You are responsible for your actions and for your daughter. No one elses.

He chose to do it - albeit he was in a state but there are likely to be many incidents during the course of his lifetime that meant he was mentally fragile. You were not to blame for them or the life he lead.

People leave partners every single day and this does not happen. What happened is a tragedy - not least because in many ways you and your daughter have a kind of life sentence BUT although you cannot change what happened you can change the way you feel about it.

Write him a long letter telling him all you feel and then try day by day to forgive him, forgive yourself (for the misplaced guilt) and help your daughter come to terms with it. THen most importantly take a good lesson from it and teach your daughter to appreciate the small things, to enjoy life and teach her coping mechanisims and resilience so that she can face lifes ups and downs with a stronger heart.

Best of luck and sorry for what you have both gone through - must have been really really difficult.

Answer 3

no it definetly was not your fault. You see even if it seems like your the one that caused to do this because you were leaving it still isnt your fault in united states and world wide people commit suicide everyday but you see these people normally try to find a reason or a good enough excuse for them to take their lifes away that way they dont feel so guilty about the action theyre about to take so no again i repeat it wasnt your fault. When a person decides to take their life away there is no one responsible for theyre doing but themselfs you see in ths life there are always going to be problems this is what this world is full but unfortunatly there are several people that rather make the decision to run away from there problems are sadness rather then confronting them so my best advice to you is to stop blaming yourself you probably already have enough on your mind to put something else on your shoulders so better yet take care of your daughter forgive your boyfriend and pray for him some how so he can rest in peace because trust he is probably very sorry for he did so try to move on and live your life to the fullest enjoying every bit of it
hope i helped good luck

Answer 4

Positively not. And he did this to you so that you would always carry this guilt around with you for the rest of your life and to mess
up your mind about future relationships. That was his way of getting back at you for calling off the relationship and to get in the last word.

You needed to leave him before because
the relationship just wasn't panning out for you; so had you stayed with him only to prevent his suicide then you would have been committing your own suicide, so to speak.

You are not, nor will you ever be responsible for the actions of another.
You have a right to be happy and to be with any one whom you choose.
This is not your fault. Sure there's cause for you to be troubled by this traumatic experience in which you and your 4 year old
were forced to witness, but, THIS-IS-NOT-
YOUR-FAULT. Remember that. And don't let any one else tell you otherwise.

Answer 5

of course it was not your fault it was not your fault at all and dont think that he was devestated by the break up and some people him for an example cant deal with some things as others deal with it he didnt know how to deal with it so the first thing he thought to do was kill himself which he did it more than that that could have been bothering him dont take the blame it was not your fault

Answer 6

that he did that and in that way - no, not you fault

although - I hate to say it, it would be unrealistic to suggest that you had no effect on him, as obviously you must have you were together - so between you and him you may not have helped (kindly note, that was may not have).
with out really knowing you and him it would be very difficult to say to what extent either way - for a person to get as far as he did isnt normally a sudden off the cuff sort of thing, it odes tend to build up over time. and obviously he was very unwell mentally at the time (and seemingly felt so strongly that life without you wasnt worth it, which I suppose in some ways is a compliment, in a very twisted and sick way).

these sorts of things are very complex - but, regardless of how you may or may not have helped him emotionally, what he chose to do there is not - definatly not your fault - there are so many other ways he could have chose to handle things

ultimately what you have there is major and traumatising event - and to feel more guilty than perhaps you should (maybe a little here and there for little things sure, but your askin here - so its obviously getting to you), not to mention a whole host of other emotions and thoughs - it will all be mixed up thing, and its going to be tht way each time you reflect on it . death always makes a big impact, someways it visits us in life makes it have a bigger one.

best advice I could have for you is to accept everything you feel - time will slowly lessen the pains you feel, unfortuantly it never goes away, not while that moment lives in your memory to haunt you. perhaps it may help to learn about depression so tat you feel if you ever see it in someone again you can be better prepared to try and get them to the help they need (or to escape before you and them get too attached) - as for that matter, perhaps you could do with some counseling, or a good friend to to share all your feelings (even the ones you dont usually share). or perhaps something else to help you feel like there was some close to this.

I hope something in there somewhere is something helpful for you - take care of your self, and take care of the kid, ahe isnt even going to have the words to try and explain what she feels, thats a good place to put your focus -perhaps find a way that helps her and you at the same time.

Answer 7

You must never blame yourself for the actions of others. You can control only your own actions and behaviours. We can try to influence how others act but in the end people will make their own decisions. You have been through a horrendous and very traumatic experience and I hope you are getting the professional help and counselling you need to help you deal with your situation. It was not your fault in any way.

Answer 8

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can't even begin to imagine what you are feeling right now. But, don't blame yourself, it's not your fault. Have you seen a counseler? It may be a good idea for you and your daughter to see a counsoler together, it may help you get over the feeling that you did something wrong.It's gonna be a long healing process. Good Luck to you both.

Answer 9

It isn't your fault. I mean, of-course you had something to do with it, because he made a decision because of that. BUT, he didn't have to kill himself. He was selfish in doing that, because he took an "easy" way out, and now his daughter has no father.

I hope you can live on and somehow forget this....it is a terrible thing to have happen in your life, but live for your daughter, not for someone who was selfish and probably had been suicidal before.

Answer 10

No it wasn't your fault. You and your child need to have some counseling! That was a very horrible thing for him to put you and your daughter through, something you will have to carry with you for the rest of you lives. Suicide doesn't just kill it also wounds and maimes those left behind. Be strong for your child. Good luck

Answer 11

Oh, it's not your fault. You had a reason to leave him, so it's not your fault. Talk to your daughter. She might be scared.I am so sorry. He probably had some other things on his mind and he wanted you to be sorry and hurt. Well we you to be happy and feel good. He was resoponsible for his own actions. It's not your fault, not even close! By the way, don't listen to Bullet.
-Miley