Could you ever have nothing to do with your own child/children?

Question

Personally I cannot think of a set of circumstances that would ever stop me wanting to be a part of my beautiful little girl's life and wanting to do all I can for her - therefore wondered how the absent parents (I mean the one's who do it through choice and without a care/looking back) can possibly abandon their own children?

Answer 1

I foster children and have never got used to the rejection these kids feel when their parents walk away and don't look back.Thank goodness this does not happen to all of them but it does happen to a significant amount.What I see is the parent putting their own needs before that of their kids and as a mother myself I find this hard to fathom.I believe in circumstances like this the parent should be held accountable as it is emotional abuse.I can't tell you the joy I feel for the child when they are reunited with their parents successfully.Unfortunately this is not always the case and I just know that the child will be scarred by the rejection for many years to come.

Answer 2

Interesting question - my husband's mom abandoned him when he was just 4 years old and didn't want anything to do with him until he was 23. Now the wicked old witch wants to run his life, and mine, and our daughter's. His dad isn't much better. He had custody of my husband while he was growing up, but he never took care of him, never did anything for or with him. My husband's dad would go to work at six in the morning and get off at three in the afternoon and then sit on the couch in front of the t.v. and drink beer all evening. From the age of 5, my husband has had to get himself up for school, make his own lunch, get to school, get home from school (even though his father was home from work by that time, he was too lazy to get off his bum from in front of the t.v. to pick him up), cleaned the house, and took care of himself all by himself. Now his dad only calls him when he needs or wants something. My husband is finally (at the age of nearly 30) beginning to realize this. I don't know how people can do this. I look into my daughter's eyes, and see a beautiful life there, of which I want to be a part! My children are my whole world, and I wouldn't give it up willingly for anything!

Answer 3

I could NEVER be apart from my child, no matter what the circumstances! Although for 4 days of a year I have to go away with work, but those days my child goes camping with her grandparents but we speak at least 7 times a day on the phone and always first thing in the morning and last thing at night. They are the hardest 4 days of my year.
But I do not know how my child's father chooses to snub her until it suits him.

Answer 4

Many, many parents wouldn't even think about abandoning or deliberately choosing not to have anything to do with their sibling/s, but if going through a divorce, it can be very difficult to reach your children. - I know few people who are divored (they're mainly men, because the Mother nearly always gets custody of the children), and they are completely nervous wrecks because of not being able to see their children. They are underachievers, and, basically, are hiding from the rest of the world. - But that's if the parents can't see their children, but want to and need to. I guess the people who don't want to see their children obviously aren't ready, mentally strong enough or are empty hearted. - I see no other reasons.

Answer 5

I truly don't understand it, either. Each one of them, though, has their own journey, their own hangups, their own story that makes that necessary or possible for them.

If it's hard for them to do it, but they feel they must do it anyway, then it's tragic. As a stepparent who's networked a lot with other stepparents online over the past 10 years, I can tell you that there are so many dads (and sometimes moms) who are forced to make the decision to just step out of their child's life, so that the other parent will stop playing harmful games with the child's mind. These PAS'ing parents are truly worse than the parent who finally decided to walk away so that the other parent would stop hurting the child to get back at or hurt the dad/mom. Of course, I feel bad for the parent who is so messed up in the head that they do that, too.

If the parent is the kind of person who can just walk away without looking back or without caring, that's tragic, too. There's some connection missing in their lives - the good feeling you get when you nurture others - the ability to notice how they affect others in the world. It's probably good for the kids, in the long run, though, if they go away - better to be raised without a selfish parent in their lives, right?

My own stepdaughter's mother kept trying to PAS dad out of their lives. Dad kept plodding along, doing what he could to minimize the damage, but stay a constant in his daughter's life. Mom moved 7 hours away. Told him that he had a choice - either leave them alone altogether -or- if he took it to court & won, then she would walk out of her daughter's life altogether herself. .... He took it to court. ... She lives with us full-time now. We wish she didn't have the broken place in her life where mom left. But, we are doing the best we can to give her what she needs & fill in the spaces for her. I keep hoping her mom will figure out that her daughter has enough love for both of her parents - both sides of her family.

Her mom just has something wrong in her emotional makeup - something that probably has to do with her upbringing, her life experiences or maybe some chemical imbalance in her brain that has brought her to this point - the point where her hate towards her ex husband, the self-hatred she feels for having married him against her families wishes, somehow trumps her love for her child. I don't know how it will ever get fixed for either of them. I hope that it does, though.

Answer 6

Abandon a baby,,,No ...absolutely unthinkable. But it happens. Sometimes because of parental instability, drugs, prostitution and sometimes because of pure tragedy.
I wonder how some mothers feel though...like the mothers of children who have committed horrendous crimes, is it easier to accept if the children are grown-up?
There is an old saying....There by the Grace of God....and Judge not, lest you be judged
I may not have got them word-perfect, but hopefully you will understand the sentiment.

Answer 7

I couldnt imagine leaving mine I love them more than anything - even if they drive me bonkers sometimes...and having parents myself who dont want to know me through no fault of mine own, confuses me to how they could be like that towards me !

Some people are in diff circumstances tho and sometimes feel they would be better off with someone else.

Answer 8

No NEVER! I wonder the same thing, about my own father (who buggared off when I was 5). I bet if you asked him, he'd say he loves me (that's if you could find him and assuming he is alive!)... but what kind of love is that? I have no idea how he lives with himself. Does he have no conscience? I don't think people like us will ever understand the workings of those people's minds!

Answer 9

My children would come before anyone or anything. My father never wanted to know me - then when he got ill he wanted to see me. Have managed to get over the issues I have but no child should have to go through that abandonment - "They **** you up your parents.... they don't mean to but they do...."

Answer 10

I dont understand either. I do know a father who let his wife and told her it was up to her on if he stayed in his 2 sons lives and she told him to stay away. Instead of fighting her he backed away. Hes missed them, and hates what has happened to them but he felt he did the right thing.
But for me my son is nearly 3, and ive thought about that and i would die inside if i ever left him. He needs me so much, and i really need him, so i really dont know personally how some people do it. ~ Sheky