PLEASE, I know its long but I'm a romantic who needs your advice/opinion.?

Question

Ok so I've been datng this guy for 7 months. We've had our ups and downs cause hes those afraid to commit types so we arent bf / gf. It was fine for me in the beginning b/c I had just got out of a 2yr relationship and then started dating this guy.Anyways, we've come a long way. I've opened up more as he has too, hes been great, sweet,attentive, tells me how much he cares for me and has love for me. But he made this comment that pissed me off. He was telling me how a coworker of his smacked him on the head playing around & he told his coworker that he plays &jokes around but doesnt like anyone touching or looking at him other than me. That made me happy so I said thats right and made a playful grab at his area. He enjoyed it and was like thats right & you better make sure to please me alot if you dont want me to get it from someone else. It just made me mad that he would say that period, you know? I got so mad that I was like well if thats all it takes to lose you then go.

Hes a great guy and is very attractive and so I already have to deal with girls being all over trying to get his attention and then hes going to tell me oh you better please me right or i'm out of here. I just dont think you should talk to people like that if you supposedly care for them so much as he claims he cares for me. He got mad that I got mad and told me that I was acting like a child. That in reality thats what happens. When someone isnt pleased they go and find someone else. I understand that but it was uncalled for and didnt need to hear it, you know? And I want someone to be with me not just for the sex but because they love me. We’ve always had issues where he’ll be insensitive and he puts me in situations where I just start to think what the hell am I doing here?And I’ll leave him and well he’ll come after me and I’ll continue to date him. But I’m someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming... cant live without each other love.

I guess it bothers me so much because we’ve talked about his past relationships and he has gone and completely broken them off after like a year and half saying that his reason was that he just didn’t want to be with that person anymore. Not because they were fighting or there were issues you know. He just didn’t want to be with them anymore. And that kinda scares me cause I’m putting my heart out there and when he does/says stuff like that its like for what? Its like either way I’m destined to lose.

Answer 1

Don't think about to too much.
Guys often say things that we,
as women, totally take out of
context.

Don't dwell on it. It's obviously
killing your high spirits. I'm sure
he was just in that moment and
thought it would be a funny remark.

Answer 2

Before you go and do something crazy like dumping him for all the wrong reasons, as some of my fellow contrinutors are advising, consider this: I think he was just being playful and you blew it out of proportion. I used to say that to my "girlfriend" when we were dating and even now going on twenty years of marriage later, I sometimes say it just to get some good fun action going. Let's not get into those details.

You probably should have flipped it on him by saying something like "I've trained you well, Grasshopper. (as a congratulations for his not accepting her touch) And thus no evil wench will ever touch you again like that but me." (When you grabbed him in his area.)

You must've had a really bad previous experience to get riled up over such trivial comments. Forget the past, it's already gone and you can't change it. Forget the future, it hasn't happened yet. Live for today, for it is the greatest gift you can give yourself. That's why it's called "The Present".

Answer 3

This is a hard situation. Because you know that he could leave at any moment (because of his past) but at the same time hope that maybe this time things will be different. I am in the same situation, except not as serious.

You just have to be yourself and continue to do things that you are doing and when something hard comes up, talk about it and work it out rather than becoming mad at one another and closing communication because then nothing becomes solved and the problem is still there. Just ignore it when he makes comments that he doesn't mean and just love him.

God Bless.

Answer 4

All I gotta say is "be careful", WHY ARENT U GUUYS OFFICIAL? And Why did he just leave his ex? Maybe cuz he got bored of her and thats not a great attitude of his. Looks like he got some ego issues and wants to feel wanted and just goes to whoever makes him feel that way. Physical relations shouldnt start with threats and blackmails! "If you dont please me ill go off to another" THATS BS! Just keep your eyes open. If you are not completely happy and dont think you can make it for another year or two I would say reconsider. Why should you always deal with a fleeing (so called bf) issue. Whether other grls like him or not is no part in your relationship because people like each other, its normal. I had to let go of someone because they were behaving the same way, looking for physical and having no commitment. Gluck to you and smile cuz Im sure this experience teaches us a lot :)

Answer 5

I don't think he was trying to be insensitive to you at all. I think that he was joking around...and the joke turned bad. It probably wouldn't have bothered you so much if you had been alone with him, and he said it in a joking manner...it probably only bothered you because it was in front of other people.
You can try to explain to him that you felt humiliated or embarassed that he would say that in front of other people, so that he will keep comments like those private, or you can just let it go to a misunderstanding.

On the 2nd thing...his break up just because he didn't want to be with someone anymore...He obviously was not happy with the relationship. Just because he wasn't fighting doesn't mean anything. He obviously did not have strong feelings for that person, and decided to break it off because he was looking for something more.

Answer 6

Well. About the joke about you having to please him or he'll get it from someone else, it's just a joke. Maybe you didn't like it, and you should tell him. I understand that it hurted you, but most probably he was just goofing around on that issue.

Not all breakups are because of fights and particular issues, some are just because one realices that the other isn't what he/she wanted. It sucks, specially if you're the one that's told 'good bye'. But, there's nothing you can do about it, neither before nor later. It's just something that you will have to risk, either continue and hope it doesn't happen, or breaking up before he breaks up with you.

Answer 7

Okay, calm down, your looking way into this. Get over it. Start dating other people and make sure he knows about. The best way to make a guy like you even more is if he knows he has competition. Its funny though, because if he would have left you right when you told him to, you would have wanted him even more. Thats just the power of emotions, use it to your advantage, and make sure he "pleases" you to. Or go find some one who does. Confidence is Key

Answer 8

Frankly, he sounds quite immature. I think if you moved on, as difficult as that would be, you could find someone who shares your deepest desire for a serious relationship. A good book on the subject is by Dr. Henry Cloud - "How to get a date worth keeping."

Anyway, everyone fights and having romance 24/7 just isn't realistic but having someone you love dearly and loves you back dearly and is a good friend in the non romantic times is possible.

Answer 9

So, here's some things you know.

He's one of those "Afraid to commit" types.

You've had "ups and downs"

He's 'warned' you about leaving.

These are what we call 'red flags' - they are warning signs.

It sounds like he's not a bad guy, overall, but that he's not planning to settle down anytime soon either.

I used to be the same way. Once I decided I was ready to settle down, I did and it's been fine...great, even. But, I had to make up my mind to do it first.

If he hasn't made up his mind to settle down, all I can suggest is that you prepare yourself for this to end. It might not be right away, but don't be shocked if you guys start growing apart soon.

If he's completely committed to you, you'd know it. It doesn't sound like he is, and maybe he's still 'on the fence' about it himself. But, if you keep challenging him to go ("well...if that's all it takes to lose you, then go") odds are...

...he'll go!

Answer 10

ok hun im telling you this from the very bottom of my heart. you need to move on. i have been in this situation and it never ends well. 7 months and you're not even his girlfriend?? you are wasting your time!!! i was with a guy like that. he would make smart *** comments like that and make me feel horrible. it escalated to emotional abuse. you do not need that. you need to find a guy who will feel proud to say YOU are his GIRLFRIEND. and i gathered that you are already having sex with him. why should he bother doing anything? right now you're just a friend with benefits. he wont even commit to you in a boyfriend/girlfriend level? give me a break! i highly doubt that he even said that to his coworkers. he was probably just saying it to make himself look good in your eyes so you can keep crawling back. you cant ignore the little things. because its those little things that bug you that will amplify over the years and drive you mad. move on!!!!