Confused about ex? Need an opinion...?

Question

Hi there. I don't want to ask my friends this because they are biased...

I have been meeting with an ex boyfriend and things seem to be going well, then suddenly he sort of went a bit cold. I bumped into him the other day and we went for a coffee and he said he hadn't been in contact because he got cut off. We had a laugh and had a good time together, then we went out for drinks that night and I went back to his and so on.

Then I found out he has been seeing someone, even though he was saying to me he really missed being with me.

So am I just a bit on the side? I'm confused. I can't ask him what's happening because I can't tell him how I know he's meeting someone else. He doesn't know I know and he hasn't mentioned anything.

What do you guys think? Is he really wanting to be with me? Or am I being taken for a mug?

Thanks!

wow, what a response! i just want to say thanks to all who have answered, all my friends are telling me to go for it and i just wanted another opinion. thanks for the harshness, sometimes you need it!

i won't be seeing him again, so thanks for the support and kind and harsh words!

kath x

Answer 1

I think he is taking advantage and he knows he will get away with it if you don't speak up. It's not fair on you or the other girl that he is doing this to you both. Maybe there is something there or maybe he is using you, either way, get out of it before you lose your confidence or get hurt really bad.

you will meet someone else, there are loads of guys out there, don't get stuck on some @ss, you deserve better, you just have to believe it yourself

Answer 2

The question is not if he wants to be with you, but if you want a serious relationship with him, or just an adventure.
Judging by the fact that he is dating someone else, I don't think he told you the truth. Anyway, he said that he missed being with you, but not that he would want to give it another try. So he might have done all of that just for the memory of the old times.
I think you should ask him which are his true intentions. You have to tell him that you know he's dating someone else - if you don't, he'll act like you wouldn't know and keep telling you whatever he likes. And that won't make the confusion go away. If he doesn't know what he wants, then you have two options: 1. you give him a chance to make his decision or 2. ... time for moving on.
My opinion. =)

Answer 3

There is not enough information to give you a really good answer so I'll give you a couple of my thoughts.

1. Familiar is always easy to come back to. Its incredibly hard to date and get to know someone and get to that familiar state. Maybe the going out and the sex part with you guys is great, but something is missing to make him look around.

2. Maybe he is not knowing what he wants or wanting to settle but there is something about you that he is drawn to.. ..

3. I'm concerned tho that with the way you ask your question that you have a bit of insecurity and that can be unattractive. Be strong and know what you want and DONT settle for less. Maybe you are settling for less in fear of not finding better?

4. Another part to #3 The chase is always fun and even tho you may be bf/gf or married you still need the chase. Keeping your looks up and the desire strong. Flirting, playing like you did on your 1st date. Maybe he gets bored easy or you get too comfortable?

What would I do?

I would go on about my life. Get my hair done. Maybe get a new outfit. Go out with the girls. Maybe meet a new face. If he starts coming around. Well then consider the option. But truely lay out what you want and need and if that doesn't sound good. It's ok. There are people all over. Do what makes you happy because it makes you happy, You'll be attractive to that person who loves what you do. Then you choose!

Good luck!!

Answer 4

The next time she texts you something about the relationship or how she loves you, just ask her point blank (via text) "What do you really want from me because I can't tell. I still like you too but if you keep flip flopping between whether or not you want me around or not then it just isn't going to work." Let her know that if she doesn't give you a more solid response within that texting session then let her know that you will always be her friend but can't and don't want to play anymore games. Then, move on with your life.

Answer 5

Now, I know you've either heard of other girls doing this or you have done it yourself. He doesn't want to make any decisions to hastily. He wants to know your relationship still has chemistry and a chance of survival before needlessly hurting someone else in his life. If you were to talk to him about possibly dating again and knew you could keep tabs on if this other relationship ended when you began dating again, I would try that. Otherwise, if he doesnt want a relationship just now, it doesn't always mean he doesn't still care about you. He could just want friends with benefits and sometimes this can be more fun for both parties. Talk to him about a relationship if this is what you want from him and don't mention the other girl. Just see what he says and make a decision from there.

Answer 6

Reading your question filled me with sadness. I am in the same boat as you! I havent told my frinds because they would be mad at me for seeing him. He says he misses me but I know for a fact he still has a lot of issues with another girl and keeps this very separate from me. I still love him and I think he really cares for me but I am in the past as I am his ex and he doesnt have to answer to me so I dont ask too many questions, just hoping he wants to be with me.

I know the answer and so do you but it hurts too much to face. We have to both be strong and move on but I am not ready to yet, no matter what all my friends say to me. Sending you a hug and hoping things get better for you. Take care, you are number 1. I find that keeping busy and getting out with my friends helps a little but he is always on my mind, first thing in the morning to last thing at night and when I am with him, it just feels so right.... except it isnt in reality and thats what hurts so much : (

Answer 7

If he is seeing you and someone else to chances are you are just bieng treated as a sure thing. Let him know you heard he is seeing someone else and what he plans on doing because you don't want to be in middle of something like that. You deserve much better than that keep looking more fish in the sea as they say.

Answer 8

Cut the cord.
The social society looks down on women like you.
Crawling back, putting out for you ex.
You are a tool.
End it.

Finding someone else will be an adventure.

Answer 9

He has his cake and is eating it too: or so to say he has two birds in hand is better than one in hand. It is ever idiots dream to have two or three girls on the line at the same time. Your feeding his dream. You were dumped once why can't you read the writing on the wall?
No your not a mug: your playing yourself for a fool. Don't walk RUN away from him. He is using you.

Answer 10

If you have fun together and can be friends without the sex OR the tension or jealously, sounds like you would make great friends, but not lovers. There is a reason you broke up and he's an ex, so maybe it's the case where you would make a great friend, but not a girlfriend.