Any advise on who to talk to about coping with a spouse in Iraq? 800 #'s suck, and family doesn't understand

Question

I'm not a real open person... not to sissy bout things.. kinda have to be tough to be a military wife. Esp. a USMC wife!!! Anyways I'm not one who talks to my family or even close friends about my stress with my husband in Iraq! My closest friend Sara I can't talk to for she too has her husband in Iraq.. **** I need someone to just ***** to lol

Answer 1

God bless you honey and your husband.. I can't say I know how you feel. But I can tell you things to help you cope. My son was in Iraq for 7 of the most horrible months of my life. For me it was no longer about protecting America I cared about, It was my baby. Anyway a wise man told me (my father a retired Air force Master Sargent) "more come home then don't" which helped me focus away from the scary part. I also wrote him everyday (www.motomail.us, MotoMail.US - Communications at the Speed of Life! ... to be downloaded, printed, and ready for delivery, usually within 24 hours. ...) I, like you, am not much of a talker to support groups or such so I was on Answers telling off the young and old idiots that made stupid comments about the military . Being able to vent on someone who deserved it really felt good. Oh one more very important thing, DO NOT WATCH THE NEWS.

Answer 2

Why do you say Esp a USMC wife? Does that make you any more susceptible to the worry and stress of having a spouse in Iraq?

I too am not too open of a person...it is a trust issue. I don't play high school games and I don't enjoy the gossip of the FRG groups...the (family readiness groups) assembled to "be there for you". My greatest console was my church to be honest...my God. I spent 2 1/2 years of 3 by myself in Alaska no less while my husband trained and was deployed for his second tour in a 2 yr. period. So for the first 16 months the only person I made contact with was a 1SG wife...and it was far and in between. If you cannot speak to someone in the same boat as yourself nor family...nor the phone number systems set up then I suggest you pull your boots up and saddle up for a ride...my motto: "Suck it up and drive on"...I chose to not open up to others because most were only looking to see what they could get from you...twist your words and put out rumors. Though to be fair I must say NOT everyone is out to harm you...you may find some great people in the support group there...you won't know unless you give it a shot...then if you don't like it...you can say you attempted to check it out at least. My thing I guess is alot of prayer. Good luck and God bless. May God keep your husband safe in the palm of his hand.

P.S. I have to disagree with "sexy male"...my husband as MANY other ARMY and other military service members have seen their share of action...and been on the front lines...in harms way...watched fellow brothers in arms die from IEDs and small arms fire right in front of them...been shot at and seen their share and more of combat. God bless ALL of our armed forces!

Answer 3

I think that you are wrong about speaking with Sara. The two of you have so much in common with both of your husbands being in Iraq. You can be support for each other. When you are having a particularly horrid day, you can call Sara and she will understand what you are going through because she has felt the same way.
Don't be afraid to open up to family. If they tune you out, the loss of your interest in their lives will be their loss to deal with.
You don't say if you have children. If you do, you have a lot going for you... I mean to keep you busy. And you have to be the head of the family for them. I know that it sucks BIG TIME but that's life. When you married a marine you knew what you were getting into.
My daughter's best friends husband has been in the naval reserves since college. Now he's married with two kids, a house and a mortgage and a stay-at-home wife. She is now left taking care of everything on her own. Her family is not too close to where she lives and she is going through major crap with her kids. They are misbehaving because Daddy is not home. She offered to sell them to my unmarried daughter! (Joke)
Nothing I can say will make what you are going through any easier. Just remember that you love the guy and will be there when he comes home.... and I hope and pray that he will come home safe, soon and unharmed.

Answer 4

First of all, thanks for supporting your husband in his service to our country. I can't even imagine how hard it must be. My nephew was in Iraq for a while, but it is different having it be your husband.

I do have some suggestions, and I hope they are helpful. What about calling the base closest to you. You could get an appointment with a chaplain or find out about a wives' club or something like that. I am sure they have support groups too.

Good luck to you!!!

Answer 5

there are suport groups on post and i know that you have free health care and you can go talk to a therapist or a chaplian on post about your issues chaplians offer many services to every religion not just one specific one so dont be scared

and rember that you are not the only one that has to cope with a loved one in iraq and some have it wayy worse than even you do

try to keep busy get a part time job so you can save up lots of money for vacation and what not and find a hobby to keep you busy helps too.

what ever you do dont do the broom thing as someone stated above its not a good luck sign or ne thing it is actually kind of like a red light if you get my hint for all of thoes who dont know and yes some women do do that stuff it is sick and sad

Answer 6

The USMC family supprt center may be able to help and they offer coming home classes that actually take a lot of the stress out of the unification process. If you don't have friends or family to lean on, then it is definately more difficult, but just remember that email leaves a lot to the imagination and when your spouse is deployed, that imagination goes rampant. Hell, if you have nowhere else to turn then email me. All most people need is someone to listen and remind them that it'll be ok. I know it sounds simple, but having been in the same situation, its really not.

Answer 7

First God bless you and your husband
Please talk to your friend Sara, you too should keep talking with each other about what is on your mind
Try to spend about an hour a day with her
Keep yourself busy
Do not keep it inside of you
speak , someone will listen
I hope this helps
You and your husband will be in my prayers


A saying I remembered
When I die I will go to heaven cause I spent my time in hell
From a Vietnam vet ( Soc Trang & Cantho 1968 to 1969
God bless you

Answer 8

Usually there is a military wives group or support groups through the base where your husband is stationed. Also you may find community based groups or even on line groups.

For community-based groups I would try looking on the websites of your local tv stations - they often have community oriented pages that have community listings. Also - in my city they have small publications (in Atlanta its called Creative Laofing) which is basically a "what's happening" in the area - civic, entertainment, etc. They have listings for community groups in those.

I am sure there are women out there not too far from where you live who are trying to cope with the same issues you are. Good luck!

Answer 9

Try your bases family support group. If they don't have one, try the next closest base or see about starting one yourself. But from experience, the b***hing doesn't help. It will just make you more bitter and resentful. What helps is finding others, like Sara, in the same situation as you who understand and who you can rely on to help you in a pinch. I know it sounds dumb, but it will also help you to help others. Especially when they have all the same stresses, fears, anxieties, and angers as you do. When you find that other wife who's husband is gone, and who has one more kid and one more responsibility than you do, and doesn't know how she's going to cope, and you offer to watch her kids for 30 minutes, or drop the mail off at the post office for her, it will make you fell better about yourself and life in general.

Answer 10

well im not sure why you being a marine wife is anymore stressfull then another military wife...My husband is currently on a 15 month deployment to Iraq...now thats stressfull, but not as stressfull as the 18 month deployment he did before this one...FRG's can help but mostly they are just groups of women that love to gossip (I stay away from the FRG during deployments i dont need to listen to their B.S.) I dont talk about my stress to anyone and Im not close to my family, my mother has passed away and my dad has remarried...So the one person I can truly let all my stress out on is the our unit chaplain, I always feel much better after talking to him, I dont attend church all the time, but he is always there to listen to me and he understands since he has been deployed and he knows what it is like.