About Parenting? Open to opinionated answers!?

Question

I am only four months pregnant and already trying to figure out how I want to raise my baby from birth to eighteen. Like for instance, I do know that once my baby gets here, I don't want it to be held all the time by family members or my husband and I. But, I don't want to hurt my family members feelings. I am looking for great advice on how to raise my first child and how to tell my family members about how I want it done. My sister has three kids and all my family does is hold them when they were born and spoil them. I don't want to have that with my child. This is my mother in laws first grandchild and I don't want her to hold it all the time. So anyone have any parenting advice and how to tell family members how I want them raised? Thanks bunches.

Answer 1

I am a mother of three wonderful boys, when I had my first one I didnt worry about them being held all the time, but by the time my second one came around I realized that being held all the time would spoil them and I put my foot down. When it comes to your family just be honest. Tell them why you dont want the baby held all the time and ask that they respect your choice as the mother. If they cannot then you have to be more firm. It is your child and they must realize that or just be upset. Dont try to make everyone else happy because if you do then you are going to make yourself and the baby miserable. I requested the first six weeks be limited visitors and on a limited time frame to allow me and my son time to spend alone with my husband and other son. This gave us quiet time and kept everyone from always being around spoiling the baby. Also remind them, holding a baby all the time can make a baby sore and uncomfortable. Its like an adult staying in the bed 24/7, spots become numb and almost sore like a bruise. This may help them understand.
As your baby grows, remember, you are the mother, regardless of what others may tell you, you will always know what is best for your child. Make choices you feel are right and that benefit your child, not what would benefit another. Stick to the rules you make, dont let others tell you that you are wrong in the punishments you dish out if you feel they are correct and if you grow to angry to deal with the situation at hand, take a step back, breath, think, then approach it in a calm manner. I have learned in 14 years of being a mother that children respond to a calm voice rather than screaming, even if they get a spanking or just time out. If they ask why, dont say because I said so, explain to them why they are in trouble. This helps them to understand why what they did was wrong and what effects it has on others. Plus they remember the consequences more. Good luck and Congratulations. Motherhood is a wonderful thing!! Hope I helped at least a little :)

Answer 2

Plan, plan, plan, but when it gets here that baby is not going to know or care about your plans. First, you cannot spoil a new baby. I held my daughters and rocked them to sleep for the first 4 months of their lives.
Babies MUST be held a lot or they won't develop normal social skills and relationships. How do you think they learn? They are held up close and they watch the face of the person holding them. Also, the baby should hear heart beats, it's soothing.
Your mother in law raised kids, did she do a good job? Then why would you dream of trying to tell her how much to hold the baby? It's not a pet, it's a human and NEEDS human interaction.

Answer 3

WOW don't write any parenting books OK????? BABIES NEED TO BE HELD---you do NOT spoil them by holding them--you BOND with them... your family will BOND with them.....if you are as cold a fish to your husband as you plan to be with your baby---how DID you get pregnant in the first place????? LOVE is not holding back or NOT HOLDING AT ALL.... I am a 56 year old woman and if you were MY son's wife, I'd show you out of LOVE how to have a good baby---my son was a GREAT baby---I rocked him to sleep IN MY ARMS every night until he was 3 years old... I held him often and he RARELY CRIED---had NO sickness's until he was 5 years old and was an extremely well adjusted infant and toddler---he never even went through the "TERRIBLE TWO'S".... he is now a 29 year old well adjusted man who seems to not have an enemy in the world... he is extremely well liked in all aspects of his life and THAT is what a parent wishes for ALL her children---had I been able to have had MORE children I would have raised THEM the same way I raised my son---with LOVE, ATTENTION, AFFECTION and RESPECT... and a LOT of holding, hugging and tenderness... my son and I are very close but what's even better is that he treats his girlfriend with the same love and attention, generosity and affection that I instilled in HIM since birth---and trust me--his girlfriend thanks me constantly!!!!

Answer 4

Where in the world did you hear that physical contact with an infant is detrimental to it's health? That it will become spoiled? How? By knowing that it is loved? Oh no! Horrors of horrors!

Bonding with your child starts immediately after birth. You should hold your baby whenever it's physically possible. Your child can only benefit from sleeping face down on your chest because he can hear your heartbeat and feel you breath (just like in the womb). This bonding will stay with you for the rest of your life. It is the first imprinting you are able to do on your child physically. It is the single most important thing (other than loving, feeding and taking care of) you should do.
Why would you want to deprive your child of that? Because you are having some ridiculous fear that holding your child will lead to bratty behavior at 2? Ridiculous.

Are you also going to with hold food from your child so they don't become gluttons? No, of course not. You are going to make mistakes along the way, but as long as you care and you take an active role in your childs life you will be able to keep your kid from being a jerk. You, your husband, even your nosy in-laws.
INSTILL GOOD VALUES TO DETER BAD BEHAVIOR!!

Answer 5

Actually you cannot spoil a newborn child. Holding your newborn baby is the best thing you can do for your child. Just think about it. For the first nine months of your babies life it is bein held firmly in your stomache. You rock your baby all the time when you are moving through out the day. Your baby is constantly hearing your heartbeat, and listening to your voice. Why would you not want to hold your child? A baby that is not held a lot will cry because he/she is scared, they need to be held and cuddled.

Answer 6

First of all, you can't spoil an infant. Babies do need time to play on the floor and explore and what-not, but holding them and picking them up when they cry does not hurt them - it is infinitely important to respond to them. I'd bet that the spoiled children in your family have more things done for them than just being held. The link below is about 'attachment parenting', which explains what I'm talking about.

That being said, if you feel strongly about something, it's your right to insist that your family supports you. If your MIL insists on holding the baby for 12 hours straight, you can remind her that you really want the baby to have some time to play/sleep/whatever alone also, so that she learns to be comfortable on her own as well. The key will be in learning to spin your requests so that your loved ones feel like part of your team, not part of the problem.

Congrats on the new baby!

Answer 7

You won't be spoiling your child simply by holding a NEW BORN baby, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life, now when she's 9 years old and gets whatever she wants when she wants that's being spoiled, the only thing your going to do is deprive your new baby of the love she needs. You can tell em all you want but they are gonna do it anyway, sorry to say.

Answer 8

While I have no degree in Parenting, after 9 children I have learned a few things. First off, your baby requires your LOVE and holding the child is a way to give it, I'm not saying 24/7, but to purposely avoid holding it is not exactly healthy. Try to remember that the baby has Lived inside you for 9 months, your heart beat is one of the few things that provided comfort, and it holds true after birth, if you don't believe me, wait until the baby is upset and crying and then place it so he/she can hear your heart. Do not exclude your family members, the more family a child has the more confident and well rounded they become. Alone time on the floor is needed so the baby can explore the world and I Strongly recommend a separate bedroom so the baby learns early on that that is a special room for sleeping. One thing that might prove invaluable is placing a radio in the bedroon, tuned to an FM station and volume low.....this will get the baby accustomed to noise when it is bedtime and you won't have to have Dead Silence in order for him/her to fall asleep. Remember this baby is an Addition to your life and needs to fit in to your lifestyle instead of you rearranging your life to fit his/hers. Seek advice from other mothers/parents/Grand parents...........you don't have to accept it, but sometimes they do have THE answers, plus it gives them the feeling of being involved in the baby's life. To be concerned already shows you have a good foundation for Motherhood, Be Safe & GOD Bless you and your Baby.

Answer 9

Well I guess you are going to hear a whole lot of different techniques but you will be like the rest of us and learn by trial and error.Babies ,by necessity ,require on the job training.Every baby is different.I do agree you may not want everyone holding the baby all the time.HOWEVER, all babies require love and nurturing that only comes from physical contact.Hospitals have volunteers who come in to cradle and hold babies who may not have a parent available.Try not to alienate your family on this holding issue,trust me there will be times you may be glad to have an extra pair of hands.If you have an infant with colic you will be thankful for the break.Grand-parents can be a valuable resource who will be able to offer you advice.You can listen respectfully to their advice,nothing says you have to follow it.Do not stress yourself out about later on and enjoy this time preparing for the birth of your baby.With families ,they usually repect your wishes as long as your husband supports your positionRead all the books and magazines on parenting and be prepared to throw the books out the window as your child grows.At some point in time you have to trust your own common sense .I have heard that parents can give their children two important gifts in life 1.Roots,so they have a sense of family and 2 wings so they can fly.

Answer 10

your mind will change 1000 times, i was so set in my ways and so judgmental of parents until, my number one was born, and wow as the years roll on, i wish i could find all those parents that i so ignorantly judged before having children, i am a mother to five , we are a very close family and i have certain things i do not waiver on like no pacifiers ever, i have 5 kids ,2 were preemies but i have never used one, bottles in the trash at 12 months, do not take the car seat out of the car, and no strollers unless you are jogging, i insist my children call adults Mr or Mrs smith, not miss Jen, no make up or dating til 16, no one but close family holds my children til after 12 months, swim lessons should begin at 6 months and not end until 16 with lifeguard certification, you do not have to tell family members how you want it done , just as things arise, and always be thankful for advise just say i will take that under consideration, even if you know you wont, use words like i prefer not to do that, or i am trying it this way for awhile, remember there way, your way, my way, are all right if done with love, it is a personal decision, but don't get offended or angry, you might be right is another good thing to say, but i prefer this way for now, i wish some one had taught me a lot of this but my mother was great only gave advise if i asked and supported my way even when i later found it to be wrong, it is harder to deal with judgmental family members then it is to raise a child i try to do it without being rude or pushy even when it is warranted, find YOUR way, trust yourself but remember it is not the only right way so try to be understanding of people who don't get that