i have a big problem. when i got engaged, i was close friends with my brothers girlfriend, and so i had asked her to be my 4th bridesmaid. i only have 4 total. and recently we have been hanging out and i noticed that if we are without my brother, we have nothing incomman and just sit and stare at each other in silence. i recently went dress shopping with her and my maid of honor and everything that we liked, she didnt.... in fact she made fun of the styles we picked for the bridesmaid dresses. she does not have much style... anyways., im regreting every asking her and my maid of honor is saying to just suck it up and deal with it because i cant take it back... what do you guys think? im paying for their dresses, so i dont really want to keep her on and have to buy her a dress.
2007-08-01 06:53:06 · 18 answers · asked by bar22bie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
im also worried about offending my brother. i mean, i ask her to not be my bridesmaid, but then she will be at the wedding anyways, as my brothers datE?
2007-08-01 07:00:39 · update #1
Call her and say you are revising your plans and you do hope she will understand and you so apologize for this 'last minute' change but you wont need her. Thats it. she will be mad but its your wedding day.
2007-08-01 06:56:20 · answer #1 · answered by barthebear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah I agree. I mean I'd think differently if this was a relative or even your brother's wife. But its merely a girlfriend so there is a good chance 5 yrs from now when you look back on the pictures, she won't even be in the family anymore.
I'd just call her up and very nicely (after all there is a chance that she might end up being a SIL) explain that you decided to only have 3 bridesmaids due to the cost. If you are polite, I'm sure she will understand. After all, it's a lot to be a bridesmaid and she probably doesn't necessarily want to be in the wedding either. If you are a lady, gracious and polite, everything will be fine no matter what the future holds for your brother and his gf.
2007-08-01 14:02:32 · answer #2 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, for one thing if you have 4 bridesmaids the majority rules as far as dresses if you are giving them the choice, but the bride has the final and ultimate say no matter what - even if you pick a pink fru fru thing she is the one who should bite her tongue since she said yes. I say give it a little more time and see how it goes. Pick a dress design and if she continues to complain you could have the maid of honor have a little chat with her and say "Look this is the brides day, when you are the bride you get to say what goes on, so shut your trap - you know the old saying - if you don't have something nice to say - DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL" and see if that works. If that doesn't work I'd say tell her thanks, but no thanks, and find an alternative bridesmaid - but make sure you talk to your brother first and explain that you tried and your wedding day is supposed to be special, as well as all the planning and preparations and his girlfriend is putting a major damper on it all. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-08-01 14:02:02 · answer #3 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've already asked her, so it would be rude to take it back. Maybe your brother has some insight on the situation.
Have you tried talking with her about this? Conversation goes both ways, so maybe she's waiting for you. You mention you were close friends with her, but yet now you have nothing in common with her? Sounds like you may just be having regrets about asking her and have someone else in mind.
You mention she "does not have much style". Could it be that you aren't making her feel welcome or are too demanding?
As far as being in the wedding, perhaps you could ask her if this is something she wants to do. Ask her if she feels comfortable being a bridesmaid for you since you noticed she is not very happy with things that are going on. She may not feel comfortable since you aren't that close. Give her the chance to tell you she would rather not.
It's up to you, as the bride, to try to be as gracious as possible. Good luck.
2007-08-01 14:41:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't want her in the wedding then just tell her that you are down-sizing and you only need the top 3 bridesmaids. Personally if she has a problem in the things you are picking out for YOUR wedding then she really just needs to realize that this is not about her and what she likes. I would just let her know that you are just sticking with 3. And if you have someone else in mind for the 4th person then get that person, just don't mention it to your brother or her.
2007-08-01 14:31:36 · answer #5 · answered by Kat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how many guys do you have? If you ask her not to be in the wedding are you going to replace her? Here is the only nice way i can think of. If you have an off number of people like 4 girls 3 guys... then you can tell her that one of the guys had to back out last minute and now there are only 3 of them and you dont want your pictures to be off set. She will understand that. But if you get rid of her and get a new one thats not cool. And then you dont want to get rid of her and have and extra guy either.
2007-08-01 14:19:20 · answer #6 · answered by j 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with your MOH: suck it up and deal with it. It's incredibly rude to uninvite someone to stand up in your wedding. And, the long-range implications of hurting her feelings and your brother's feelings override your regrets. She may one day become your sister-in-law. Don't set up a bad situation for the future. Yours is the lesson for the rest of us brides: carefully consider who you want to be in your wedding party before you ask. You'll be alright. She's not doing anything really horrible, you've just realized that you don't have much in common with this girl. Maybe this will give the two of you the opportunity to develop a closer relationship. I say go with the flow. Best wishes.
2007-08-01 14:07:38 · answer #7 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow you're paying for their dresses? I asked someone and I recently decided I don't want her in my Wedding...I just said I didn't have a guy to pair her with and I wanted it to be even. With this girl I'm paying her for the dress she's out other then that a simple sorry will do. This is one of the biggest moments of your life...do you really want to be uncomfortable? Really. Think about it. Perhaps she doesn't want to be in it now anyhow. Never know.
2007-08-01 14:09:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would call her and have a chat. Just tell her that you don't want to buy her a dress she hates. (most bridesmaids pay for their own dresses, so if you are paying that is generous) Tell her that you will not be offended if she decides she'd rather be a guest (and wear what she wants) than a bridesmaid. Tell her it's her choice. See what she says.
2007-08-01 14:01:23 · answer #9 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call her and be honest with her. If you´re not happy with her reactions and really don´t have anything in commen with her then i agree, she should not be a bridesmaid. Bridesmaids are suppose to be your close personal friends or sister.. ( if you have one).. So don´t feel bad..
Tell your brother what you plan on doing. I really don´t think he would say anything, since its your wedding and your day...
Take care & Congradulations..
Bcn_mimosa from Barcelona, Spain
2007-08-01 14:02:16 · answer #10 · answered by bcn_mimosa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How close are you with your brother?
and
I guess you need to ask yourself this question - are they most likely gonna get married in the future?
If the answer to that is yes, then you need to suck it up and have her in the wedding. You don't want to totally screw over a possible future sister-in-law cuz that will cause a whole slew of family issues.
2007-08-01 13:59:59 · answer #11 · answered by Mel 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋