Okay my 5 y/o boy is starting school in a few weeks here, And I need to talk to him about, adults touching him in inappropriate places, I mean I've told him several times that IT'S NOT OKAY for any body to touch his privates, and that if someone does not to be afraid that he's not going to be in trouble and to tell right away---but I have a feeling he doesn't understand that well---any suggestions???
2007-08-01 06:46:52 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
He doesn't understand because 5-yr-olds are not developmentally able to understand. They won't be able to understand how a good person can do bad things or how a bad person can look like a good person until they are 11-13 years old. This is proven in scientific research -- all those good touch-bad touch programs FAIL to instruct kids how to protect themselves from abuse, some of them actually set kids up for abuse (pedophiles "groom" kids by putting ideas in their heads about sexual touching so that the kid isn't surprised by it when it happens), and some of them cause them to suffer depression because they can't figure out who will touch them in a good way and who will not.
Don't push him into knowledge he's not ready for. Do what YOU can to protect him and make sure he is in a safe environment (ALL the teachers and volunteers and staff going through background checks, rules about adults and kids never being left alone one-on-one, etc.). Love him and stay close to him and tell him no matter what happens, you will always love him and help him. Pedophiles usually "groom" kids who don't have good families or a strong sense of family unity, so make sure you build that for your kid.
2007-08-01 10:40:35 · answer #1 · answered by sparki777 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd emphasize that NO ONE (other than his parents or a doctor) should touch those areas-- not just limit it to adults. Older kids can be sex offenders too.
Might be able to find a book in the children's section of your library about "appropriate" touching and inappropriate. Why not ask the librarian?
(Congrats on this big milestone! My daughter's starting kindergarten too!)
2007-08-01 07:17:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've talked to him already. He is too little to understand and do not insist on the subject because he'll be scared instead of enjoy his first day of school. Teacher do also talk about inappropriate touching.
2007-08-01 06:57:12 · answer #3 · answered by Mother'f3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the first answerer is right on target. Our pediatrician says the same thing at well visits. We also talk about it at home as it comes up. He's a little young at 5 for us to sit him down and "have a talk" so we just work it into conversations whenever possible.
2007-08-01 09:25:27 · answer #4 · answered by Jbuns 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a kid, he's not exactly supposed to understand that, because he wouldn't understand why anyone would want to touch him in those places. I'm 15, I was never touched in Grade School. Just keep the kid away from strangers. Teachers, are trustworthy.
2007-08-01 08:08:48 · answer #5 · answered by Zap 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm not sure why you think you need to bring this up in relation to your child starting school. I thiink you will unnecessarily link the two and that is definitely not walled for and not a positive way to approach school. It sounds like you have told him that inappropriate touching is not okay and that it would be okay for him to tell you about it if it ever happened to him. That sounds like the general idea. I'm not surprised that you say you have a feeling that he doesn't understand that well -- that's probably okay. It means he has no real reason to understand it and that's a good sign (I think). You don't want to overemphasize the whole issue and you certainly don't want to scare him about it or make him think it is particularly relevant now that he will be in school. Most abuse does not happen in school. Unfortunately most abuse happens at home, and by people who know the child.
One discussion I had with my kids when they were about 7 (I think he's still too young but, I felt good about this so I thought I'd sahre it) was about the whole meaning of the word inappropriate. I think he's too young to really grasp what that would mean in this context. But, I talked to my kids (boy and girl) about such situations as -- it being okay to take a shower at grandma's house but, that it would be inappropriate for grandpa to come in the shower with them. It's okay to say hi to someone you know in the supermarket but, it wouldn't be appropriate for them to ask you to go to their car with them so they could show you something. It's okay for your babysitter to give you a hug before you go to bed but, it's not appropriate for them to get in the bed with you, even for a minute. It's okay for Uncle Jack to tell you to go get ready for bed if you're staying over at his house, but it's inappropriate for him to go in the room with you while you're undressing. By 7 or 8 years old, I think a kid can really get that these situations would be weird and out-of-the-ordinary. And that's what i want my kids to be able to identify and to avoid and to tell someone about.
2007-08-01 09:46:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I like the answer my son gets when he goes to his doctor. "The only time someone is allowed to touch your _______ (put in whatever word you use) is when your mommy or daddy are also in the room." This has worked great for us. We also have this conversation at least once a week to make sure he is getting it.
Hope this helps you out.
2007-08-01 06:56:36 · answer #7 · answered by sheri02022000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would keep tell him everyday. talk to him when he is getting dressed tell ppl arent allowed to touch him anywhere in his body. including kids it might sound crazy but now and days u never know. i wish u the best of luck and just keep tell him everyday and ask him everyday did anybody touch today?
2007-08-01 06:57:42 · answer #8 · answered by Daniela A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read some books about the subject together. Berenstain Bears has one about strangers, I think Franklin has one, too. Plus, there are lots more at your local library--or bookstore.
2007-08-01 17:39:19 · answer #9 · answered by Checkin' Things Out 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Role play it a couple of times--then give it a rest.
Don't say "Strangers," 90% of abuse is done by relatives, friends, neighbors, etc., people that the child knows by sight and probably by name.
2007-08-01 13:59:01 · answer #10 · answered by Sarah C 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋