why does she not understand that she lost my trust because she disobeyed the rules. I left the house and when I came back i found her boyfriend running out the back door. He is not allowed in the house and especially when i'm not home. I got mad at her and told her i felt betrayed because she knew he was not supposed to be in there and who knows what they were doing. she clammed up and says she cant talk to me because i get mad. well how does she want me to get, HAPPY? i don't think so i told her to grow up and stop acting childish like if i'd beat her or i'd throw her out of the house. i've tried talking to her about everything but she thinks everything i say is just to thwart her. i don't know what to do anymore should i just let her do what she wants? Her dad says it's all my fault anyway because i always let her do what she wants in the first place, she would go to the park every single day w/BF,did no chores,go 2 movies,just out walking with BF, now she's grounded.
2007-08-01 05:39:23 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
her boyfriend was always allowed out on the front porch just never inside but since that day he is not even allowed on the font porch.i would also take him with us sometimes out and when in winter i would let him in the house with our supervision.
2007-08-01 06:18:49 · update #1
and the park is across the street i can always see her.
2007-08-01 06:21:54 · update #2
Sounds like you have a lot of parenting to do.
Start by taking everything away. Everything. Make her earn it back by contributing to the family chores and being honest. Lay out the ground rules very clearly so there is no question as to what is expected of her.
2007-08-01 05:43:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Children want boundaries, and feel unloved without them. You need to go over the house rules again. Get Dad to help. If he wants stricter rules, don't disagree, at least not in front of her. Present a solid front.
Take away all her priivileges until she earns them back. Arrange for an adult to be at home any time she is and you're not. If no one can be there, then take her along. Contact the bf's parents and tell them what has been happening and tell them the house rules regarding his visits.
Then love her. When my girls were teens, I often prayed that God would love them thru me, because I found it to be impossible. They are both 32 now and married to the boys they met when they were about your daughter's age, altho they waited for 10-12 years before marrying. We did some really tough discipline at the time, but now have great relationships with them both. I remember the punishments more than they do!!
2007-08-01 06:03:50 · answer #2 · answered by Patsy A 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well that is not what life is like in the real world. But you need to give her the opportunity to be punished as well as to get back in your good graces. Maybe if she can do chores that you have set up, not get an attitude for a week then she can see her bf supervised in the house with you. Perhaps you could invite him to dinner. But put your foot down because you don't want to be one of those parents who have lost control of their child. Keep trying to talk to her and explain that you are trying to understand her side but she needs to see your side too. Maybe you all can write some things down that you both agree too and then allow each other time to meet those expectations. What does she want from you? Why should you trust her ever again? What is she willing to do to get back to the good life?
2007-08-01 06:01:00 · answer #3 · answered by yana nikolaeva 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well that is not what life is like in the real world. But you need to give her the opportunity to be punished as well as to get back in your good graces. Maybe if she can do chores that you have set up, not get an attitude for a week then she can see her bf supervised in the house with you. Perhaps you could invite him to dinner. But put your foot down because you don't want to be one of those parents who have lost control of their child. Keep trying to talk to her and explain that you are trying to understand her side but she needs to see your side too. Maybe you all can write some things down that you both agree too and then allow each other time to meet those expectations. What does she want from you? Why should you trust her ever again? What is she willing to do to get back to the good life?
I hope this helps.
2007-08-01 05:46:19 · answer #4 · answered by skittles8553 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, if only your job as a parent was to simply make your child happy. How easy life would be. But that is not your job as a parent . Your job is help develop a strong mature adult. This means demonstrating discipline, which I know is a word with a lot of "baggage", but showing her that actions have consequences is crucial to her development. And yes she will get frustrated by these consequences because right now she can not see how what she does can have a negative impact on her future. However, when she enters the "real world" with an understanding that. for example, not paying her bills has consequences even though those consequences are not immediately clear will be invaluable to helping her lead a happy adult life.
So even though she is angry at you now stay focused on the long term goals you have for her, and don't worry so much about her moods right now.
2007-08-01 05:53:01 · answer #5 · answered by aslan186 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make her sit with you while you speak your mind. Do not let her see you get upset in anyway. As she starts to raise her voice and/or get upset, tell her to calm down and speak to you like an adult since that is what she wants to be treated like. Put your foot down and let her know that she is going to do as you say before she is able to leave the house to go anywhere or she will not go or do anything other than work around the house. When she disobeys you, ground her from everything, friends, phone, going anywhere, tv, and radio. Make her work around the house even more when she disobeys. DO NOT let her do what she wants, if you do this, then you are letting her see that she can get by with whatever she pleases and you will not do anything about it and she will not see the consezuences of her actions. Exlain to her while you are speaking to her that she broke your trust bc she did what she knows she is not allowed to do. Explain that she will have to earn your trust back, and the more she earns it back, the more she will be allowed to do. Do not give in to her, that will be your worst mistake.
2007-08-01 05:48:51 · answer #6 · answered by Angelic Valentine 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a stupid question! "Who knows what they were doing?" We all know what they were doing! The same as you did 17 years ago. The way you are acting is enough to drive her to total rebellion. She is 17 and trying to find her feet, help her instead of being a hindrance. I'm sure that you have been in love with somebody at some time. Forcing her to meet her boyfriend in secret will cause more damage than good. You can't see what happens in the park, when they sneak behind the bushes for a quick one. You don't even know if she likes to smoke a cigarette afterwards. If you really care for your daughter, allow her to bring her bf home and let them watch TV etc. with your supervision but don't make it too obvious such as insisting she comes to the kitchen with you when you make a cup of tea etc. However, you could use the situation to your own advantage. Ask her to wash the dishes whilst her bf is there and she is likely to want to impress him. He might even help. You can also guarantee that she cleans her room more often as well. If they want to go to her room, let them. Just don't be knocking on her door every two minutes. Allow them enough time for a kiss and a grope. You've been there yourself, you know what it's about so stop being paranoid and jealous of your daughter. She's fast becoming a mature woman and you have to accept it. Maybe, if you get your hubby to take you to the park and have a kiss and a grope, you might forget about your jealousy of your daughter. She's getting it and your not. Get over it or do something about it but don't take it out on her. Take it out on your hubby and tell him that you want a bit of action yourself.
2007-08-01 06:02:22 · answer #7 · answered by kendavi 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
well im a 17 yr old girl. my dad let me do a lot that other kids didnt get to do, but i did chores like clean the bathroom and clean my room. i also had pets i had to take care of. i also think that since shes 17 it wouldnt hurt if she was allowed to have her bf over. i was dating at 14. would you rather her bf run out the back door and have her lie about it. or be there when they are hanging out? atleast you could supervise. i reallly dont think it would be wise to take evrything away from her like the person above suggested. my dad never punished me like that and when he started trying to it didnt work at all. you cant all of a sudden jump into really harsh punishment. that would be so unfair to your daughter.
2007-08-01 05:51:56 · answer #8 · answered by livelovelaugh 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
to me it sounds like she is rebelling and the more you tell her not to do something she will. Becareful though you not letting her she him will make her want to see him more. thats how i became pregnant and i was just 17 too. Kids are even worst these days the little girl next to me has done the same thing I would see her boyfriend sneaking out of the house right before her mother got home. She's 15 and pregnant
2007-08-01 05:45:49 · answer #9 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't be her best friend, you have to be her MOM. I know it's tough. I remember being 17 and thinking that my aunt (my caregiver) was always out to get me no matter what. Now that I'm in my 30's, I see that everything she did was only for me and my best interest. Be consistent with your discipline, otherwise she isn't going to learn. She will come around, maybe not as soon as you'd like, but it will happen. Keep up the good work..it will pay off :)
2007-08-01 05:46:59 · answer #10 · answered by happyfacemommy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋