How do you back out of a wedding gracefully????

Question

I was asked to be a bridesmaid in my friends wedding, but in the past two months I have gone through HELL and back with her and her sister (her maid of honor).... she's a true bridezilla. (her family is super rich, she's never had a real job, doesn't understand the concept of hard-earned money and a full time job.)....... lately I've been accused of being a selfish ***** because I told the sister I am broke from tons of things in my life after she asked me to help buy MORE gifts for her bachelorette party. (I have had a budget set out for awhile for this, so this is ANOTHER thing they dumped in my lap at the last second)....... so I'm currently not even speaking to EITHER of them and I'm just plain fed up. I don't even want to be this girls friend anymore (this is not the first time we've had a fight like this.... I always try to get them to see from a perspective other then their own and then I end up being called selfish for it.)..... I'm sick of dealing with people that will

never grow up and never learn the meaning of empathy. They are selfish, spoiled brats and I'm tired of dealing with their crap and their torture.......

how the HECK can I get out of this wedding without having to deal with MORE bull crap.

Answer 1

In some situations no amount of grace would ever due to get you out of the situation. This appears to be one of them. If you really are sick of this woman, and wish to end the friendship permanently, then do just that. Stop by her house with anything you have for the wedding that needs to be returned, and simply tell her, "I'm done, leave me alone, have a nice life." and walk out.
From then on do not return phone calls and avoid all other contact with her. It may take something this drastic to get her to pull her head out of..... the clouds. In the mean time, you can Free yourself of the stress and drama. Good luck.

Answer 2

It's kinda funny. I had this exactly same situation but bridezilla backed out of my wedding b/c it was 1 year from her extravagant affair--and since she said I didn't have the vision a wedding was suppose to be (aka wasn't spending 100 grand on it) she didn't want to be in my wedding or have me in mine. Worked fine--though I am sorta bummed I missed seeing a 100 grand wedding--since shes the only person i know that will have a platinum wedding.

How far away is it from her wedding though? B/c if I had already bought the dress and it was less than 1-2 months away, I would just tell her you were unfortunately out of town that w/e (of showers, bachelorette parties, etc), an emergency came up, and still be a bridesmaid. More than that though, back out of it.

In your case, I'd try to be polite and leave having taken the higher road. But no "conversations"--after all this is not a negotiation. You have already decided you want out. So with that in mind, I'd simply have to explain that you have had a lot of financial problems and it is just not going to be possible for you to commit to the duties and responsibilities of being her bridesmaid. You are sorry to back out on her, but that is the way it is.

But yeah--I dont care if you are getting married, I'm not going to sit there and listen to someone call me names and yell at me about being selfish simply b/c I don't hand her $1000. And can someone tell me when it became the standard to get someone bachelorette party gifts??? I have never heard of this, never done it when i was a bridesmaid and my bridesmaids did not do it for me. I have bought one round of drinks (b/c the bride doesn't pay) but never have i brought gifts for what is essentially a last hoorah to singlehood.

You have every right to be sick of dealing with people like that and you already know that you should not deal with them. So graciously back out, wipe your hands clean, and consider yourself lucky that she will never want to speak to you again.

Answer 3

Coming from money they might not understand it but I think the best thing to do is take the bride out to lunch (somewhere inexpensive, maybe just for coffee) and explain to her (don't invite the sister) that due to some financial difficulty and the fact that you live on a budget you wont be able to afford being in the wedding party. Tell her you'd really love to and you definitely want to be there but you simply cannot afford the dress, the shoes, the parties, etc. It may shock her a bit, but explain that you are not fortunate enough to be completely provided for and money is tight. If she is a friend she will understand. Leave the sister out of it, it's none of her business.

Good luck and best wishes!

Answer 4

Just send her a card that says "I have done a lot of thinking and feel that I must bow out of being in the wedding party. I am financially unable to handle the expenses of being in your wedding. Please accept my apologies." If she has a problem, then she can call you and b*tch. But if you and the bride haven't talked in awhile, I'm sure that she doesn't want you there but doesn't know how to tell you.

You don't need to put up with her crap. Just send the card and forget about it. You did more than enough, and Miss "I'm better than you because my daddy is rich" isn't thankful for anything that you've done for her or else she'd be trying to help you with the finances. People who are born into riches have NO idea what it's like to be on a budget.

Answer 5

Be honest, and in a calm, direct way and do it in person. You backing out of the wedding and the reasons why might end up being a wake up call for the bride.

I worked in the wedding industry for years as a consultant, and once in a while, I had to get very direct, but professional, to let the bride know how much misery she was creating. Many brides have a tendency to be focused only on their 'world', and forget about everyone else.

I know a wedding is important, but not at the expense of family and friends.

Answer 6

Is there anyway you can be a) out of the country b) in a coma c) have a dead relative/friend d) be terribly ill e) have a prior engagement f) have your own wedding g) be a missing person on or near their wedding which will excuse you without an excuse?

Okay, seriously, I think you should just tell them, in person, how you feel and see what they recommend. Any other way of communicating (e-mail, text, letter) can be misread and taken badly. Tell them you feel you can't keep up with them financially and if something else can't be reached then you'd prefer to be out of the wedding than to lose their friendship forever.

Answer 7

She's getting married in a little over two weeks. That would be AWFUL of you to back out now. I am sure you knew that she was like this when you accepted her invite to be in the wedding party. You've gotten this far, just suck it up. You shouldn't have waited so long to back out. Just tell them what you can and can't pay for, and ignore the griping.
From what I've read, you are the most loyal person, either. There are probably two sides to this story, and we're only getting one.

Answer 8

You need to have a sit down face to face talk with just the bride. Let her know what is going on and how you feel. Let her know that you do not have alot of money and that it pains you to feel like you are less of a friend because you can not afford to do all of this stuff.
If you really want to back out, you need to tell her now, you also need to tell her to her face in a CALM manner. Do not even worry about dealing with the sister. She is just another person in the weddding and if the bride was your true friend she would really understand.
I know that brides can get out of control for their wedding. I have had friends like that as well. It is very hard on the other people in it. Just talk to her about it.

Answer 9

There are webites about being a bridesmaid or a maid of honor.
After you search them, maybe the bride needs to review them.



http://www.bridesmaid101.com/bridesmaid_duties.html

I would follow your gut and probably politely "bail out" of being a bridesmaid due to financial difficulties and due to the responsiblities being put upon you.
After reading this website, it sounds as if the shower should be the responsibility of the maid of honor, her sister (who should be as wealthy as the bride).

I gave a shower for my sister, as I was the maid of honor.


Here is another:

http://www.bridesmaidaid.com/faqs/timeline.html

This one states:

"Oh, and remember that it's really the Maid-of-Honor's responsiblity to make sure that all of these things get done. So check with her if things seem to have stalled"

Good Luck !

Answer 10

Simply say:

Dear X,

Please do not take this personal, you are my friend and I do care for you, but I'm unable to afford any additional expenses related to your wedding at this time. I I'm honored to be your BM, but there have been more expenses that I've budgeted for.

I would like to be part of your wedding, but I'm financially unable to contribute additional events such as yoru bacheloette party and gift. I'm on a budget and those unexpected added expenses exceed my set budget. I offer you the option of dismiss me as a BM if the option of not participating on the additional events is not an acceptable for you.

Good luck