FELLOW MUSLIMS: What would you do in the presence of someone who is backbiting?

Question

I often notice, in my circle of friends.. and as everyone thinks it's a norm.. People talking about another person behind their back. Critisizing them and making fun of them, whilst being sweet to their face. I know almost everyone does it, sometimes even unconsciously. It has become so prevelant that I think if we told our friends and family to talk about something, other than someone else... there would practically be no conversation. It may seem rude, but I tell my friends to not do it, and if they want to continue they can do it without me.

Think about it.. If this person can talk about someone else with you, what makes you so sure they wont be talking about YOU with someone else?

Allah says: “O you who believe! Let not some men among you deride others who may be better than they (are), nor let women (deride) women who may be better than they are; neither defame one another, nor insult one another by nicknames. Evil is a bad name after faith.” [Sûrah al-Hujurât: 11]

Omar_x786--
Religion amplifies morals and values. Religion doesn't just say it's wrong, it provides a distinct guide line. Plus-- Knowing certain things is not an inherited quality. Rules of morality are not genetic. Lets say we remove all forms of religion, this world would be no less chaotic. When a baby is born, it learns from what is taught to it. We learn from religion. Sure we can have morals without religion too-- who is to say they would be followed? How about we remove the constitution and see if murderers and rapists stop what they do, just on the basis of knowing it's wrong. Not going to happen. Like wise, Religion provides rules and regulation-without which we would not have civilization.

Answer 1

salam alikom sister...
i was gonna post a q about this issue(al ghayba wal namima)

i've watched sth on T.V. that really scared me,how ppl tkae this for granted..
did you know that backbiting is more of a major sin than adultry and drinking??!!!!!

i'll tell you how,the sin is clasified by it's harm on society and harm for someone to himself...
as for adultry and drinking,when you stop it and repent to Allah,you're not to be asked about afterwards...there are no forwrad harm..
but backbiting will continue even after you atop it...it's like a snowball....it will spread more and more and more....

you know from the stories from what will happen inshallah at qiyama...
a guy will come to judgment and his good deeds are two mountain high...i.e. is going to paradise for sure...then suddenly all these deeds starts to fly and scattered away...the guy freaks out and asks Allah what's going on and why...that because allll the ppl he talked about behind their back and making fun of..now all his good deeds are going to their balance...

moreover!! his good deeds are finished and there are still ppl he talked about,then their sins are ADDED to his balance!! can you imagine that?!!!

as myself if i 've been in a group of friends who are talking like that ,i try to change the subject or say in a funny way:"guys,she'll take from ur good deeds!"

i will end by a verse :

"O ye who believe! avoid suspicion as much (as possible): for suspicion in some cases is a sin: and spy not on each other, nor speak ill of each other behind their backs. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay, ye would abhor it. But fear Allah: for Allah is Oft-Returning, Most-Merciful."

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اجْتَنِبُوا كَثِيرًا مِنَ الظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعْضَ الظَّنِّ إِثْمٌ وَلَا تَجَسَّسُوا وَلَا يَغْتَبْ بَعْضُكُمْ بَعْضًا أَيُحِبُّ أَحَدُكُمْ أَنْ يَأْكُلَ لَحْمَ أَخِيهِ مَيْتًا فَكَرِهْتُمُوهُ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ تَوَّابٌ رحيم
surat al-hujrat:verse 12

Answer 2

Salam, In the religion of Islam, backbiting is most definetly haram, meaning sinful. However, the religion of Islam is the religion of forgivness . The Verse of the quran regarding backbiting in islam Quran Chapter 49 verse 12] O you who believe! Avoid much suspicions; indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allâh. Verily, Allâh is the One Who forgives and accepts repentance, Most Merciful. Backbiting is when a person says mean things about others in their absence. This grave sin has likened to the eating of flesh of the dead body of a brother. It is an admitted fact that a Muslim is the brother of a Muslim and as such deserves his help and co-operation but a backbiter acts contrary to it. When a person is backbiting, the person being backbitten cannot defend himself because he himself is not there. For this reason, backbiting is strictly prohibited in Islam and one who is accustomed to this habit, shall not enter Paradise. (Muslim) So to answer your question No it is not okay for a muslim to backbite. And Allah Knows Best Salam

Answer 3

May Allah bless you. An excellent question especially in a time where most people backbite each other.

Prophet Muhamed, peace be upon him, strictly prohibited this awfully bad sin, also Quran, as you mentioned, prohibit this sin.

A very important point about this specific sin is that when someone does some sin and then wants to petent to Allah, he has to do three things, firstly he has to regret doing it in the past, secondly he has to stop it at once, and lastly he has to have the sincere intention not to do it again in the future. When the sin is related to someone else, like backbiting others and oppressing them, a fourth condition is involved in the repentance, I think you guessed it now, this additional condition is for that other one to forgive you, otherwise he will take revenge in the Judgment Day.

By the way, it's sinful to talk about people in their absence negatively, whether what you tell is right or just lies.

Then what can I do if someone around is backbiting others?
First you can advise them not to do so as this is haram (illegal in Islam) or for non-Muslims, tell them that it's no use doing so plus there's no perfect one in this world, so people can also talk negativly about them in their absence.

Unless they stop you should leave them not to commit a sin by standing with them.

Sorry if it was a long answer but I tried to compress it as much as I could.

Answer 4

Assalmalikum,

I find the best way is to remind people of what they are doing is wrong say "Astaghfirullaah"!
If that does not work then try to change the subject and talk about Allah! For Allah does not bless any conversation where Allah has not been mentioned.
Last resort is to walk away from the conversation.

I believe, as its a common practice in the society we live in, people do not realize what they are doing is wrong, and simple reminder is enough. As one of the brothers have mentioned in his post its a difficult habit to break.

Answer 5

I know exactly what you mean. For example, every time this kid was absent, everyone would talk about him in negative terms in class. Or on the bus because he is not on my bus (we use the small school buses, I go to an Academy within a normal high school, and we come from many different towns, the normal high school students just walk home or get picked up). It really makes me feel that when I am not there, are they talking about me? One day on my bus, this guy and girl were talking about him, and when my brothers and I got off the bus, my twin brother told them to stop doing that, as he does not talk about anyone else like that. That really made me feel like that would especially make them want to talk behind our backs, but I will never know. Backbiting is a very bad habit, and everyone should refrain from it. It is actually a major sin in Islam. Hopefully more people will realize how bad talking behind someone's back really is and put themselves in that position.

Answer 6

Dear Sister,Moonlit........it became really a very BAD HABIT for most of the Muslims to backbite others and when they meet them they smile and laugh and act friendly towards them.
As for me,I myself was doing so, but as a kind of a bad habit.....you know....i find most of my relatives do so ,consequently,I did it.
But after I realised the truth of this sin and how it is really disgusting for a Real Muslim to act in such a way, I worked hard to stop backbiting anyone and tried also to stop others from doing so.....by saying to them and myself (ataqwo Allah) or (Fear Allah).............. Actually,I have not succeeded totally,but to some extent i have decreased behaving in such a way
As for me, If I am in a place where people there practice backbiting, I go out of the room or any place they are presented at till they stop backbiting and start talking about any other issue....At the beginning,all my relatives and friends became angry with me when I leave them once they start backbiting....but little by little,they get used to it and they even dare not to talk in such a manner while I am present..
Allah urge us in the Qur'an to behave in such a manner..... In Suraht-al-Neesaa' or The Women,Allah say:"140. Already has He sent you Word in the Book, that when ye hear the signs of Allah held in defiance and ridicule, ye are not to sit with them unless they turn to a different theme: if ye did, ye would be like them. For Allah will collect the hypocrites and those who defy faith - all in Hell" [Suraht-al-Neesaa':140]

you see,one can also affect others indirectly in a good way..... Al hamdo lelah sobhanaho w taa'la......
So, I really hope we all,Muslims, start behaving in such a way to really deserve to be one of Allah's good and obedient servants

May Allah bless us all.....Ameen..... :-)

Answer 7

you know ukhty, i hate to say it but i am guilty of backbighting, i usually find that the idle gossiping is usually 20 million times more delicious when there's a large group of people and we're all sipping tea like its no one's business. the problem with backbighting is trying to stop yourself. sometimes something really mean would slip out my mouth without any real evil intention, but rather out of habit. we have a female friend living in our house, and i get along really well with her, but sometimes we tend to have gheeba night and it was becoming quite frequent, so me my 2 sisters and our friend all decided to make a pact: if one of us slips up and starts backbighting, then the other three wold stop her in her tracks. it actualy works and now i tend to be a lot more cautious as to what i say. sometimes if i'm not too familiar with the gathering of people i would just walk away or try to change the subject, i have heard that a person who silently sits there enjoying the company of backbiters is just as guilty as those flapping their gums. However, If i'm not mistaken i have heard of a hadith that (paraphrased) states if a person can't change something with their tongue at least condemn the action in their heart and that is the weakest form of iman.
May allah SWT strengthen our resolve and make our Iman stronger. Ameen.

Answer 8

Yes, I do understand that its a big mannerism problem faced by the present society. But criticism is not the worst thing, because it can help you improve yourself if it comes from honest sources. However, opinions of people who are engaged in baseless backbiting are of no value to me.

Forgiveness is the greatest quality of a human, so I try not to retaliate but simply forgive the person secretly, hoping he would improve.

Answer 9

Well... I'm extremely honest!
I usually turn around n say the stuff to that person's face! So it wouldn't be considered as backbite!
Its a bit harsh... but I can't lie to them or kiss as.s! So I just come out n say it!

Anyways... I don't like backbiting... I usually tell the person to stop... or I'll leave...

O you who believe, you shall avoid any suspicion, for even a little bit of suspicion is sinful. You shall not spy on one another, nor shall you backbite one another; this is as abominable as eating the flesh of your dead brother. You certainly abhor this. You shall observe GOD. GOD is Redeemer, Most Merciful. (49:12)

Answer 10

I think it's true to say we are all guilty of backbiting. It's a very common thing. We all know it's wrong but we still do it. I know I am guilty of backbiting, I admit it. What I now try to do is when someone is backbiting, rather than agreeing with them or saying something back, I try to stay quiet and not say anything at all.