hi...i'm a 22 yr old woman. when i was 16 i was sexually abused by a teacher of mine. i could never muster up the courage to tell anyone about it. it went beyond molestation but still i never confided in anyone. but then i got bolder and threatened him that i'd approach the police and that seemed to make him back off. now i'm a university student and his son is a year senior to me there. i always knew he was my teacher's son and always tried to maintain a distance. but he's a charming guy and a heartthrob and i found out that he's nowhere near his father. we have been dating for 2 years now. i always knew i'd be in for awkward times with his father if we pursue our relationship seriously. but i never seemed to care. i haven't told my bf about what his dad did to me. nowadays i worry too much about how it's all gonna shape up. what will happen if my bf gets to know. i would love to confide in him but how would he react? i'm really muddled up.......
2007-08-01 05:15:57 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Before you tell him I suggest you talk to a counselor. Its possible he will be in denial about it and it could hurt the relationship. However if you stay with him he will have to know eventually since it is his father. Universities usually offer free counseling to students.
2007-08-01 05:21:14 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think this is the toughest question I have answered on here.
You should probably seek counseling to help you deal with the fact that you were molested as a child. I guess maybe the thing to do is tell your guy you were molested but maybe skip telling him that is was his father. I am not saying to lie about it, don't do that, just don't give him full details for your boyfriends sake. I think the idea that you were molested will be very devastating to him and to find out it was his father is gonna blow his mind. He needs to be focused on his schooling and knowing this now would rock his world. You should also notify the school counselor and let them know what happened ( even if you protect your identity ) because I am sure you are not the only student this has happened too and he needs to be stopped. If you and your guy stay together and marry then the truth will have to be told because you don't want to have to deal with the father and you surely wouldn't want your future children to be subjected to this creep. Best of luck to you.
2007-08-01 05:55:54 · answer #2 · answered by CINDY J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this but as I see it the relationship is doomed. You should have come forward years ago with the truth. In 6 years do you realize how many other girls may have been traumatized because you didn't come forward. At this point you have put your relationship is a position that it can't work. No matter how attractive or wonderful your boyfriend is, I don't see you starting to date him without the thought occurring to you that it would be a good way to get back at his father. You have lied to him about this for 2 years, he will either not believe you, or have to face his family over dating the women who brought his father down and exposed him for what he is. My recommendation would be to get professional help before you do anything. Either a therapist or try a rape counseling center where they are accustomed to dealing with these kind of issues. You need to examine your own motives and decide the best course of action. No matter what you do now, someone is going to be hurt. This is a major issue that can destroy lives, you need all the help you can get to deal with this properly.
2007-08-01 05:58:31 · answer #3 · answered by ophirhodji 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry hon, you need to tell him. Write him a letter and be prepared for him to go off. You should of come clean long, long time ago. He is not his father but, he has a relationship with his father. How have you kept from his father knowing you are dating his son? Hasn't he said anything about you meeting his parents or going for a visit?
You got yourself some mess. The only other thing would be to never go near his parents which I am sure he would wonder why or when you do act like nothing happened and hope the dad doesn't bring it up. But, something is going to come up. You have totally put him in a bad spot to have big heart break. Where you looking for some kind of revenge?
2007-08-01 05:24:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, okay, sorry to hear about this, it must be hard to be in love with a man whose father molested you. I would confide in your boyfriend, because eventually the hurt and pain will become to inbearable to take, especially after it is out in the open (to his father) that you two are dating and serious. There is a chance that he could get mad and not believe you, but you need to know that he supports you through every issue that comes up between you two. If he doesn't believe you when you are forthcoming or acts like he doesn't want to talk about it, then he's not worth your time. You deserve to be with someone that will respect you enough to stand behind you and take up for you! Good luck!
2007-08-01 05:24:02 · answer #5 · answered by nisey513 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
GO TO THE POLICE RIGHT NOW.
By hiding this child molester's secret, you are dooming other young ladies to your same fate.
I'm so sick of hearing victims of molestation say they're "too scared" to do anything.
Think about this: If someone else had done the RIGHT thing before, maybe this guy would've been in jail and you never would have been molested.
Now YOU are dooming other young girls to your same fate because you're too scared. But scared of what? Stopping a child molester from molesting other kids? Good god, you owe it to the world to stop this guy NOW.
Get an effing grip...
2007-08-01 05:23:03 · answer #6 · answered by t_o_w_e_r_i_n_g 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I suggest being honest with him because you obviously love him and value the relationship you have with him, but before you even approach him about the truth, you should seek some advice on how to approach him because there is a chance that telling him this truth might jepordize the relationship.
2007-08-01 05:46:05 · answer #7 · answered by lainexperiment2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
omg you need to get out of that relationship and go away seriously. you don't want to mess your boyfriend up and you definitely will if you tell him. you need to get away from the whole family if you really ever want to forget about what happened to you. i can't believe you've been in a relationship that long with his son. you never should have let the teacher molest you and you never should have gotten with his son afterwards!!! that's just crazy, all the drama you're making yourself endure
2007-08-01 05:22:57 · answer #8 · answered by JTOdapizzLE 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you confide in him he may react in a negative way or he may not. That is a chance you will take. You should also talk to a therapist as well. I wish you the best.
2007-08-01 05:35:25 · answer #9 · answered by froglover_mh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think this relationship is about to get serious, Yes... you should tell him...please don't wait any more and explain him how it happen. I know it would be hard for him but don't wait anymore. Good luck !
2007-08-01 05:24:03 · answer #10 · answered by Jersey girl on Florida. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋