My oldest niece's husband told her to fu** off while we were all talking(in my home) I told him what I thought of him that he wasent a real man because he doesnt provide for the current family he has nore for the one he had before they got married. my niece got married july 23rd of this year and a few days before they got married she had asked to barrow some money from me in order to pay their rent so they wouldnt get kicked out I had told her that it wouldnt pay for me to barrow her any money because come august 1st they would have the same problem so I offered for them to come stay with me until they(she's currently pregnant and due in sept) could get on their feet again ( get better paying jobs) after telling her husband off I told him to leave my home and he did so, my niece and I continued talking about how he had disrespected her in my home and how I wouldnt stand for it and that she shouldnt either I havent heard from her since was I in the wrong for telling him off?
2007-08-01 04:08:32 · 10 answers · asked by wildone 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
They lived with me once before about a 1 1/2 yrs ago and then moved in with her parents her new husband has never shown our family any type of respect and I doubt he ever will, my niece that night has said if it were her great grandmother he had spoke infront of like he did me she would have knocked him on his a** so I know she understands he's disrespectful but she still chooses to be with him I think because he's the father of her child some day she will learn from this and hopefully move onto someone better
2007-08-01 04:25:46 · update #1
heres a little more insite on the guy , when she found out she was pregnant he told her he didnt care if she had the baby or not it was her choice , also during their time together he cheated on her with his daughters mother and things between them have gotten physical ( he pushed her she pushed him) he hardly ever helps her around the apartment as far as cleaning goes
2007-08-01 05:02:52 · update #2
That is a iffy subject and I know how you feel you want to look out for her but she chose her bed and must figure this out herself. As long as he is not beating on her you might have to step back. See I am in the same situation kinda it's my mom she just got remarried in march and my sister and I can't stand this man. But my husband is always telling me to mind my business but I get frustrated when they come to my house and argue in front of my family.
Then when I tell them something I am in the wrong. I feel if they don't want my imput get out of my house because in my house I am law and if you don't like it bye.
I think you were right because in your house your rules and if the rule is to respect your niece so be it. Good luck I hope she comes around before it's to late.
2007-08-01 04:27:07 · answer #1 · answered by My Three 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No that was OK, You have feeling too. One thing that is good is he knows now how far he can go with you. Now to help thing get on a better note. Let him know you care about him too. People get hurt feeling when they are treated less important than those around them so don't let him become bitter. In order for your niece to be happy she must feel her husband is loved by her side of the family. Just start by picking out his good quality's and commenting on them. He is frustrated with his situation and men's egos are easily bruised. So be compassionate and supportive then let God take care of the rest. With that attitude you will see a shinning star appear out of nowhere from him. There will be some bumps along the way. Just be up beat and kind and in time you will see a big change.
2007-08-01 11:36:10 · answer #2 · answered by Barbara g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you weren't in the wrong - but you weren't right either. You treated him like a child infront of his wife and family, and that is not good thing. That would have been for his wife to do.
You sound like a caring person, especially since you invited them into your home, but you have to let them make their own mistakes, and allow them to grow up (I'm guessing they are fairly young), even if it entails biting your lip until it bleeds.
You should apologise to your neice for what you said - and don't add "but" onto the end of the sentence.
Perhapes in the future you could say how you feel about something, but refrain from telling someone else how they should feel or think, or behave.
If you get the chance perhapes you could apologise to your neices husband. You were wrong to scold him. the facts may be right, but that doesn't give you the right to be the judge and jury and verbal executioner.
Sorry
2007-08-01 11:20:53 · answer #3 · answered by kiwibarb11 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. It is your home. You have a right to want respect in your home. If he can't get that then he needs to move on. As for your niece she will learn soon enough. She is going to be having a baby and then she will have to think about how she is going to get money together for rent,food,clothes and what not. Sounds like they need some tough love. Sounds like he needs to grow up and no one is doing him any favors by letting him live with them feeding him and giving him money.
2007-08-01 11:14:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yeah, afraid you went over the line a little that time.
Telling him to show respect is one thing, but it soulds like you went into a tirade about all the things you dislike about him, there is a time and a place for everything, that was neither.
You probably haven't heard from her because she feels put in a position of choosing between her family who opened their home to her to help her, and her husband. Give her some time, and when you do speak again, leave him out of the conversation unless she brings it up.
2007-08-01 11:16:36 · answer #5 · answered by Michael H 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Is it possible that you didn't like him from the very beginning and could have possibly waited for him to screw up? Let's look at the big picture; You don't like him and really it's not a money issue. I won't say you were wrong, but I will suggest that maybe in the future you don't voice your opinion and to let husband and wife handle their personal matters.
2007-08-01 11:20:21 · answer #6 · answered by pradavee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hi hon...
it IS your home, and you probably needed to set some "ground rules for living" before your neice and her husband moved in... such as behavior, your expectations of them helping with food, bills, household chores... their use of your things, and what is off limits.
just because they are married and adults, doesn't mean they will live like you live or contribute to the household after they move in. if you've read any questions here which are similar to yours (relatives living-in), you'll notice that many people in this situation are seriously taken advantage of.
apparently your neice's husband doesn't respect her, and she'd likely be better off without him. he married her, but can't provide for her -- if he doesn't pay rent, and was always irresponsible, perhaps your neice made a bad choice this time... considering this guy was never responsible in the first place.
i think your neice has a lot to think about, and especially when it comes to taking care of HERSELF. she's in a bad place with this guy.
it's YOUR Home, like i said before, and you have the right to keep it as peaceful as you like... he was causing problems for your family and neice, and i think that he needs to stay out...
just my two cents. i sure hope things work out for your neice and she finds her way in life... there are a lot better men out there... hugs
2007-08-01 11:17:24 · answer #7 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You can tell him off. But to chase him out of the house its a little bit too much. He's so poor now and what he need is a good piece of advice not 'humiliation'.
2007-08-01 11:17:48 · answer #8 · answered by greentea 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You were in the right. You just told him the truth and hopefully he learns from that.
It was really nice of you to let them stay.
2007-08-01 11:15:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You were in the right.
2007-08-01 11:51:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋