my fiance's parents are hosting the rehearsal dinner.. now let me start off by saying this is the ONLY thing they have done for this wedding, other than give me a headache, and more stress than i can handle (his mother is horrible, petty, mean, and terrible to him for his whole life, not even being petty.. his childhood was a horror story-my entire family, myself, my fiance, and our friends cant stand her..)
now..they want to put a limit on the amount of drinks at the restaurant they are choosing.. (i dont even drink.. but a lot of the guests like a few beers with dinner) They want to pre-pay for 2 drinks for everyone.. and thats all anyone can have.. 2 drinks.. which my fiance and i think is tacky and cheap.. and how do u explain something like that to the guests?!
what the owner did say was that people can order drinks..then his parents just pay for the bill when its over..but they dont want to do that..
just to add they are rich.. seriously.. so its not like they cant pay for it
2007-08-01 04:07:41 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
thank you so much for the answers so far!!
*answer to brides parents question*
my (the brides) parents have payed for the entire venue for the ceremony.. the reception.. payed for my dress and everything to go along with it.. helped out with the photographer.. have gone with me and my fiance wherever we have asked them to to help out and get opinions..
he considers my parents in the 2 1/2 years that we've known eachother more like parents to him than his own.. and they adore him.. and my mother is my best friend..
they have done nothing but been helpful through this whole thing..
his parents.. have done literally nothing.. and said they would do the rehearsal dinner.. and then fought us on doing it.. and we dont even CARE if we have one or not.. and they have sent us everywhere to get menus.. prices.. dates.. etc.. they wont even do the proper leg work for this..
2007-08-01 04:24:29 · update #1
Ask the restaurant if they can put a printed menu at each place setting. Saying something like..."Dinner will be your choice of X, Y or Z, with salad, blah blah blah and your choice of two drinks, choose from (restaurant drink list)"
2007-08-01 04:11:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 16⤊ 0⤋
It may seem kind of tacky, but unfortunately it's not all that uncommon! I work in a liquor store and we help people put together functions like this all the time... you'd be amazed how cheap some people can get! (I was at a rehearsal dinner myself once where they didn't even pay for coffee!)
Anyway, the important thing is to do this without making yourselves or your guests feel uncomfortable.
Perhaps what they could do instead of prepaid drinks is they could agree to buy wine for the table and then if someone wants something other than that to drink they could get it themselves.
Or maybe the easiest is just to let the parents get the dinner, and have everone else be responsible for their own drinks. I've seen that happen a lot.
Just talk to the people from the restaurant about the easiest way to handle the check when it's all over. They may have other suggestions as well that might make this all easier.
Whatever happens, I'm sure your guests will understand and be fine with it... afterall, they are going there for you, not for the drinks!
Good Luck with this! I hope it all works out smoothly and you have a great time.
Congratulations (in advance) to you both!!!
2007-08-01 05:06:31 · answer #2 · answered by gertrude575 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain. My former in-laws (emphasis on the former) were extremely wealthy ... and me and my blue collar family were constantly astounded by their persistent displays of unnecessary cheapness. But enough about me ... back to your issue ...
If you and your fiance think it's tacky and cheap to have a drink maximum, I'd suggest the following. You should first thank the parents for hosting the dinner -- it's a nice gesture on their part. Then let them know that, in the event that guests want more than two drinks, you and your fiance will pay for any drinks above the two that the parents will have purchased in advance. Get the contact information for the restaurant manager and work out the payment arrangements in advance. The itemized bill should come to you, and you can pay for it when the evening is over.
If you and your fiance are not willing to host an open bar, then you need to smile and shut up. The rehearsal dinner is a gift, not an entitlement, and the terms are set by the hosts who are footing the bill.
2007-08-01 04:25:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Couple of thoughts:
Better to start your married life with Mum-In-Law on a good note. Smile and go with it. You will have many years to battle. Pick them carefully. TRUST ME!
One answerer above gave a great tip: Have the restaurant (or you) create a choice card for everyone. For dinner you will have the choice of salad with dressings a,b,c... choice of two drinks (note below this, additional drinks may be purchased separately? if this can be done...but is it really necessary?).
Consider this... the rehearsal dinner is the day before the big event. You DON'T need anyone getting sloppy drunk. Two drinks for any dinner is perfectly fine. A couple of beers instead of a few... big deal. They can hit the bars afterwards if they want to party, but I wouldn't encourage it. I had a groomsman at my own wedding who got sloshed the night before. I thought he was going to puke during the ceremony and almost made him stand down. That would have thrown off the balance of the wedding party and ticked my wife to be off to no end. Save the partying until the reception! Then the hangovers won't ruin your big day. The rehearsal dinner is usually a cordial affair for family and the wedding party. Not a party situation.
2007-08-01 04:28:03 · answer #4 · answered by The Principal's Office 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When my sister got married, my parents had to foot the whole 10K+ bill. Her husband's parents never even offered a cent. The only thing that they did was pay for the rehearsal dinner in which there was NO alcohol.
On that note, I don't think that the 2 drink limit is that bad. Some of the guest probably won't even drink. I would understand if I was a guest.
2007-08-01 07:57:25 · answer #5 · answered by WorldTraveler 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Since they are just paying for the reception they have the right to pay for how many drinks they want. just tell the guests what the deal is and u and your fiancee can make up the difference if everyone goes over their 2 drink limit, but to be fair to the mil and fil, i wouldnt want my guests slobbered knockered either i think that is more than appropriate at a reherasal dinner. if they are treating u all so bad then it is time u sat down with them and said something and tell your fiancee to sit in on this too. but i really dont think a 2 drink maximum is a bad idea u wont have to worry about a issue of drinking and driving but u need to make sure u control how much alcohol is consumed or u will be held responsible for the deaths or accidents if they are too drunk to drive...
2007-08-01 05:56:39 · answer #6 · answered by THE UK WILDCAT FAMILY 10 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't stress out- there's nothing tacky about paying for the first 2 drinks. Some rehearsals don't pay for any drinks. The owner should be able to smoothly accommodate that. The guests can pay for additional drinks.
Just because they can afford to does not obligate your in-laws to sponsor the pleasant buzz of alcohol. And there's almost always one or more people who take advantage of unlimited drinks... having someone smashed at the rehearsal dinner IS tacky (save that for bachelor/bachelorette parties).
Keep in mind your in-laws, even if incredibly difficult, are your family now. Do your best to stay on civil terms- they are potential grandparents and without them you wouldn't have the love of your life. I know weddings are ridiculously stressful, try not to let the big (and little) irritating details screw up relationships- it's not worth it!
2007-08-01 04:30:51 · answer #7 · answered by Sonnet Q 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Suggest a host bar............those guest who want a drink will have to pay for it.
Don't start off your relationship with your disrespect.
And don't expect them to pay for the bill as the owner suggests.
Remember, there are some tacky drinkers, who can ruin the whole occasion.
Give your future mother-in-law some credit in this situation. More or less, it's their party and their rules. Be thankful they are doing this for you and are willing to pay. Mine never planned a reception dinner, but I don't hold it against them.
The wedding day is for you and your spouse.
Focus on the marriage, not the wedding !
.
2007-08-01 07:34:31 · answer #8 · answered by Isabella 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How awful that you have to deal with things like this!
I guess the bottom line is that they are paying for it, so they set the rules.
You can quietly mention the two drink maximum to your guests ahead of time and that it is your fiancee's parents' rule. Most soft drinks and coffee/tea offer free refills. Two alcoholic drinks during a dinner should be plenty, though. It's a rehearsal dinner, not an excuse to get drunk. (I don't drink either, but my ex was an alcoholic. It can easily get out of control.)
You can also set up a separate tab for the remainder and pay it yourself, or go out with your friends afterward for a drink.
Congratulations and good luck!
2007-08-01 04:23:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that's quite reasonable actually. Are people really going to need more than 2 drinks? And I'm sure they wont mind paying for their third or forth. This is more typical than you'd think. Drinks are VERY expensive and offering to pay for 2 is a nice gesture (along with the entire meal!).
I would cut them some slack. No matter how awful they are they are STILL footing the bill for a big dinner, which will most likely be a few grand. People wont mind paying for their drinks after two.
Best luck and best wishes.
EDIT:: At every rehersal dinner I've been to, it's typically short and more of a family affair. The bride and groom (and wedding party) typically want to go home early and rest to get ready for the big day. If it's important to you why not bring the younger crowd to a bar later that night a cover their drinks. I dont know many people who have more than two beers or two glasses of wine with dinner.
2007-08-01 04:15:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 3⤋
Two drinks is more than plenty. People will be driving afterwards and you don't need additional drama. Most people will be asking for soft drinks anyway and over dinner, two glasses of wine or beer is plenty. I don't see the need to get drunk and roudy, it's not the time, the place or venue.
I agree with the other answers, pick up the left over tab yourself, although, I honestly think that you won't have to.
Good luck
2007-08-01 04:39:52 · answer #11 · answered by Blunt 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋