How do you deal with the feeling that no one is on your side?

Question

I am living with my parents along with my 15 year old daughter. I have the feeling that no one is on my side.

My parents are constantly finding fault with me and the way that I take care of my daughter and clean the house.

On top of that, my mother is now ill with maybe shingles, IBS and anemia. She is cranky and constantly is rude to and gets upset with me in front of my child. If I say anything, my dad gets upset with or makes a face at me.

If I tell my daughter anything, my mom tries to exchange a look with my daughter saying that I am "wrong."

I don't know how to deal with it except ignore her and constantly tell myself to not let her behavior get to me. My mother is stubborn and cranky and I can not change her.

I can only control the thoughts in my head. But, I don't know how to deal with the fact that she turns my child and Dad against me and I already feel that?

Answer 1

Get right with yourself first. If there are things about you that bother YOU then fix them. Maybe it's the lack of your own place and own personal life that's irritation you. Once you fix things on your level then you can blow off how she acts to you. One thing I've learned in being in the same position as you, doing extra things goes a looong way. It's hard sometimes to constantly give of yourself when the other person doesn't notice or even expects it, but trust me you will know who is the bigger person and sometimes people just need to know that you care. Try cleaning the house more often or getting your mother a new item for her house, such as a picture frame of you guys together or a small houseplant that she can put somewhere. Just do something extra. Remember it may be a burden on her that you and your daughter are living there. Show your parents you are grateful! And keep your mind on the good deeds you are doing. If any other fights emerge, remember all you've done to help out and go the extra mile! Hang in there!

Answer 2

I know the first thing I would do is move out, you are putting a strain on them and that is maybe why your parents are acting this way. but I can not even start to think on how hard it must be on you single father with a child. It can not be easy.. I would take your mom aside once she is getting to feel better, no matter what say I know we are living in your house,,, but I am raising my daughter and I would like you to show me respect.. if your mother does not show you respect and your daughter sees that, whos not to say that your daughter will not pick up on that and start treating you that way. I have seen kids treat there parents like crap and I want to go up a pop them in the mouth.. you tell your mother that is she disagrees with the way you raise her to take you into another room and talk to you but not in front of your child. This is not good for your child to see at all. Ask your mother what is her problem. I know this is no big happy field day to be living with your parents, but you are also a parent and you have to be a parent and you raise her as you see fit and for the childs best, reglardless what everyone else may say. Tell your mother to take you aside and voice her thoughts, but not infront of the child and tell her thank you every time she does it, you see your mother going off, you take her into another room. You saying that your mother is ill with shingles... do you know shingles come from stress... you need to find out why your mother is acting this way, it is stressing her out big time. you never know sit down talk to her find out what is wrong and yall could build this big happy family. it could be something soooooo small that could be fixxed if you show the time to care what she is going through.


Side note... If you are letting you daughter run wild, or do bad things and you are just ignoreing it.... or you are letting her just do whatever and not help out around the house, she has no chores, talks bad... now if any of these things are happening, well maybe your mother has a reason, I know you are the parent and you should put your foot down, but if this is the case, still do what I said above for her to take you to a differ room, but yall need to come together and do what is best for that girl. Show your mom that you do care about what she may be saying, but you are not a kid anymore, treat you like you are a parent. an adult.

Answer 3

We talked about control- since things seem not to be getting any better now may just be the time to take a step up to the plate. No need to scream and holler- firmly and quietly say to your M- I do not appreciate you undermining me with your looks and actions. You are the grandmother not the mother- I will make the decisions as to my daughter and whatnot ,however, from now on when your actions speed louder than your words I will verbalize my opinion. I know you are controlling your thoughts in our head but now may be the time to be vocal. As for your dad- quietly tell him- you the parent and its time for both Mom and Dad to act like grandparents. Life is difficult enough without constant conflict/ it is affecting you and your child. You need to step up to the plate and take control.

Answer 4

First of all, get out and on your own. Living with your parents and trying to raise a child at the same time is a bad idea.
Until you have a place of your own, your parents have every right to say whatever they want.

Answer 5

Maybe you need to stand up to her, and tell her "I love you, but I cannot allow you to continually disrespect me in front of my child."

If it doesn't change, then consider finding other living arrangements.

Answer 6

try moving out of the house or try talking to your mom about how you feel she is treating you.