How to deal with rude questions about the closeness of my children's ages...?

Question

My son just turned one this past Saturday, and I am 23 weeks pregnant with my second. I am 25 years old. I notice that people look at me strangely sometimes when I am out in public because they notice I have a small child with me and I'm obviously carrying a second. I am sure part of it has to do with my age, as I live in a community where it is more common to see women in their 30's with small babies. However many strange looks I get, I'll occasionally get someone (usually another mother 10 years older than me with children the same age) that makes a rude remark, like "Didn't you use birth control" or "Don't you know how that happens" right down to even "What were you thinking, having one after the other??"
It's getting very frustrating. My husband and I chose to have another baby, and we can financially support them both. How can I tactfully respond to some of these rude remarks?

Answer 1

I wouldn't respond at all!

But if there are times when you feel you have to respond maybe just raise your eyebrows, lol ... and/or say 'that was a rather rude comment'.

Or maybe just shake your head at such stupid questions and comments and keep on walking.

Or maybe just give them a big smile and say 'I'm sorry, do I know you?'

I really don't know why people feel that they have the right to judge others but I wouldn't let them get to you. You obviously know what you are doing and are happy to be pregnant with your second baby so hold you head up give them a big smile and if you can manage it pay them a compliment about their hair, their clothing, their children and pretend you didn't hear their comments :-) ... if nothing else it will confuse them, lol.

My mother had my brother and I just 11 months apart. My brother will turn 38 at the end of August and I won't turn 39 until the end of September! I loved having a sibling so close in age and we get on incredibly well as adults.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and I hope you have an easy birth :-)

Answer 2

Sometimes people have diarehhea of the mouth. They think they are being funny, when in fact they are insulting you. As far as them asking you if you use birth control? You should say didn't you take health class in Junior High? Birth control is not 100% effective!
Do you know how it happens? No I don't can you tell me how I got this way?
When my wife was pregnant she definitely showed it. People would ask are you having twins or triplets. Than they would ask are you sure. People are just stupid!
At the end of the day you and your husband do not have to explain anything. It does not matter if you can afford it or not, the fact of the matter is rather it was planned or not you have another baby on the way. Enjoy being pregnant and enjoy having children so close in age. People are ignorant and nothing will change that.

Answer 3

Until what age are children considered innocent? We come into this world with a lack of innocence (due to group guilt), so generally conception is when they lose some of their innocence. Really we are born imperfect and are to begin a destiny of perfection. However, as a person develops a will and reason, they then often make decisions to choose or reject some good act. That is when they become personally accountable for their actions. I would say this transition occurs between age 5-8 depending on the person. The retarded never get this chance even at 60.

Answer 4

I feel your pain- I have had the opposite issue though. Our son and daughter are 10 years apart- because we were heavily in debt and needed to get out of it and clean up our credit before considering another- and we did it.

I have heard, 'You didn't plan that one very well."
"now you have to start all over- good luck with that!!!"
"Did you forget how babies are made before this???"

Rude.

So...if they say something, I tell them the truth- isn't it better to be out of debt before bringing another child into the mix???

We are facing your situation now- we have a baby who is going to be a year old next week and we are pregnant again we believe. I test on Friday. So...we'll hear the opposite.

Basically, it's not their business. I have told people that. Likewise, you can shoot for the obvious- we planned this because we wanted our children to be close in age.

Or, just ignore it as we do in most cases.

It is really rude how people think they can say anything they want and get away with it...so I would put them in their place- but professionally so that they back down and get put in their place at the same time.

Good luck to you guys sweetie!

Answer 5

My sisters and I are all close in age. My older sister is 15 months older than me and my younger sister is 16 months younger!! I recall my mother talking about some of the comments made to her and my father - even by his siblings!! She was very hurt at the time and it still seemed to bother her 20 years later!

My friend is pregnant with her third baby in under 3 years! Personally, I think it is wonderful! I remember growing up with my sisters and we were and still are the best of friends. We were playmates and always looked out for each other. We have a strong bond no one could ever come between.... because of my experience growing up in this situation, I think it is the best way to go.

If you can afford to support your children and they are wanted and loved, go for it!!! To be able to do that at a younger age than most is wonderful - I am in the same boat and would much rather be a younger mother who still has energy and is in good enough health to play with her children.

Why else have babies close together? They will share more things in common, learn new things together and share things together (i.e.: toys, clothes, friends, etc.)

Answer 6

I wouldn't worry about people's rude remarks... If they don't like it, that's their choice... Besides it's your body and you and your hubby are in this together... If you want to have children after children every year and you can financially support them, I say go for it... As young as you are, the better you have a chance than at the age of 40 and older where some can lose a child.. Obviously they are probably jealous cause you're young or thinks that you don't know what you're doing... In saying all this if nothing works, just tell them to stay out of your business 'cause it's your business what you do not theirs... Good luck and Congratulations!!! Hope this helps!

Answer 7

Ignoring the question is the optimum, but lets see. there are some who refuse to be ignored so.....

To the one who asks 'don't you know how that happens?' stop dead in your tracks, preferrably if this is in a mall, bank or other public place and and repeat the question.....NO I DON"T KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED......I HAVE A FEW MINUTES WHY DON"T YOU EXPLAIN IT TO ME...., or to the snarky ones who question your age (esp. the over 40 ones with the trophy baby), tell them ' At least I won't have to have them tested to see if they are retarded just to prove I could procreate. Or if they have a little one in tow, and are a bit older and say 'oh so close together, what a shame' look at their little one and say 'donor egg, what a shame'....

The looks on the faces of them and the surrounding people usually gets your point across.


Oh, and about the birth control......you can answer either two ways.......Ann Landers said the best way to use the pill is to hold it between your knees, I am bow legged. Or 'why didn't your parents?'

Answer 8

Rude people are everywhere and there is no accounting for their nerve or their stupidity. I have somewhat of the opposite problem in that I am an older mother with young kids and many people assume I'm the grandmother. I'm perfectly fine with the way I look and it's certainly none of their business as to why I have children as young as i do. I hate their stupid comments and most of the time I just glare at them as if they are really out of line and I stare them down until they look away or try to apologize which makes them look even stupider.

Answer 9

I have a friend that is 25 and is about to have #3 BOY!!! There are going to be ignorant people that will say all types of stupid crap out their mouth. One thing is that you are married healthy and your husband and you sat down and made the decision your selfs. You dont have to answer to no one. If you can afford another then have another. Who pays your family bills not none of those fools. So tell them to mind their owns business and keep walking.

Answer 10

I bet those comments come when you are not with your husband right? A lot of people pre judge and don't realize that those were planned pregnancys. They assume that it was probably a "oopps" type thing because of your age and also because of your age you are not ready yet. I know it's bullshit I get looks all the time because I have my daughter. I look a lot younger then what I am and people are extremely snotty to me too not knowing I am 24, married, have a great job and I have my life completely together. Think of some rude comments to make back to make them feel like idiots, that will at least make you feel better.