i found my 16 year old daughter with my 24 year old neighbor. whats your reaction when you hear this?

Question

A few nights ago I walked in on my daughter and my neighbor in bed together. I am furious because of his age. He new she was only 16, but I also knew she liked older men. I warned him to stay away from my daughter when I found out that he was calling her in the middle of he night. I immediately called the police when I saw them in bed. but now I dont know what to do

Answer 1

Pervert is my first reation... any normal 24yr old MAN... wouldn't go near a 16 yr old GIRL . Thats pretty sick. You should file charges if you can. And a restraining order. Good luck!

Answer 2

This depends entirely on where you live. if you are in the U>K the age of consent for heterosexual intercourse is 16. So although this is a far from an ideal situation He would not be breaking the law if they were having consential sex. It also depends on your daughters state of mind, you say she likes 'older men' what does that mean? has she dated older men before and if so, have you asked her why? Of course there are issues around pregnancy and STI's have you talked to her about safe sex? There is a possibility that if you go in with all guns blazing you may in fact encourage what you want to in fact want to stop.(me and you against the world ) is a powerful
emotion for young teenage girls. I know in the U.S. things are different regarding the age of majority and if you live there you must do as the law expects. But they will surely not just lock him up indefinately and you might risk pushing them together in a way that a sensible and rational discussion may not. My daughter met her husband when she was 17 and he was 30, although we were at first shocked and disappointed they have been married for 10 years and have 2 children and are very happy. I suppose what I am saying is keep the lines of communication open, whats to say that 'if she likes older men'
she won't take up with another one. try to get to the bottom of whether she felt manipulated by this man, or whether she feels she and he have some sort of relationship?
I wouldn't push her away by reacting impulsively, You need to talk to her about what is happening and how she feels and get to the bottom of this 'likes older men business'
I know you american cousins have different views,
I would however lay down the rules about her having sex with anyone in my home.

Answer 3

1) Press charges.
2) Sue him.
3) Obtain a restraining order.

I don't know the laws in your jurisdiction, but he may or may not have been breaking the laws of the land when he had sex with your (minor) daughter. Main reason is she is "Of Age" in many jurisdictions for sexual contact with anyone of any age. In others, he is more than 4 years older than she, so he's criminally liable. In others, he is now classifiable as a pedophile. In other jurisdictions, there are still enforceable laws on the books making it a felony to have carnal knowledge of *anyone* prior to marriage. Whether or not he is now eligible (assuming an eventual guilty decision/plea) for "Sex Offender/Predator" status is dependant on several things, including your daughter's role in his "seduction"...

Your last (and most extreme) choice involves tossing your daughter out. Hopefully you won't have to do this.

In any case, there *will* be some rather strong feelings and words floating around the air in your house, as this argument is going to last a very long time.

I hope all the best for a speedy resolution for this situation.

Answer 4

As a precursor to my answer I would like to say- who I was is not who I am any more. I am a changed person through the blood of Jesus Christ. I am not trying to preach but I have been through this and don't want anyone to judge me.

When I was 16 and 17 I messed around with two guys that were 32 and 39. I never had sex with them but there was a lot of making out and "petting."

I had little self esteem and these guys showed interest in me. On top of that, I also had a thing for older guys (and sometimes still do, just not that much older).

One day, I "woke up" and told each of these men to leave me alone. The next time I had an "encounter" with an older man, I was 18 and he was 23. He was "my first" and I chose to "love" him. If I hadn't been 18, then I would say that he should have never have come near me but I was out of high school and the age difference was not that large for this age. (Not that the situation was that much more right.)

Back to the first two guys... I hated and liked every moment they touched me. I hated it because I knew that it was wrong and they were so much older than me. I hated it because I knew I let them because I had no respect for my worth and because no guy I knew (my age) was interested in me (that I knew of). I liked it because they showed interest and sometimes some of the ways they touched me felt pleasurable.

My parents never found out and I still don't know if that was/is good or bad. Both of those men probably would have "lost" their life or maybe a physical attribute had my parents known. I think my parents would have reacted VERY negatively towards me, which is why I say I don't think it would have been good for them to find out.

If they had found out (or do find out) and I had (have) a choice to how they would react, it would be this...

Report the guy, press charges and make sure he can never do it again to anyone. They knew these men, and they were both under my dad's authority, at the time. My dad could have made hell for both. I would want my parents to look at it from my point of view. Meaning ask themselves why I would make such a decision and then if it was them how would they want to be treated in the same situation. I know that I made these choices for lack of self worth recognition, but there are girls who have somehow become vindictive and quite sexual. These girls probably need a tougher route of "discipline." I mean that they need to have privileges and trust taken away. And that means (as to how I was raised) no phone, no tv, no radio, no friends (over), no going out, no anything really until a good long time and a good long lesson has been learned. For me, I would have said that I needed good, sound counseling and that I needed positive reenforcement to my character and personality. I needed compliments and to be built up. I think any teenager who acts like this should have counseling. They need to see why it is wrong, how it is wrong and what should be done about it. They need to see the consequences- short and long term- to their actions. Some of them just need to know and experience consequences. Too many kids now a days have no idea what a real consequence is. Instead of a $200 allowance they get $50 or none for a week and that is supposedly teaching a lesson. It is not and it is a volatile way to teach this next generation anything. Parents are parents are parents are parents. The children (no matter the age>0-100) are still the children and should treat their parents and families with respect. And they need to learn to treat themselves with respect.

If they have no respect for themselves how can we expect them to live respectably?.

I am 26 now and have come through a lot of wrong decisions and their consequneces. I am still going through some consequences. They don't just go away. That was and is a big lesson for me to learn. I regret my actions but I have learned from them. At least I can use them to help someone else.

If you have any questions contact me.

God Bless You and I hope you turn to Him for guidance and peace.

Answer 5

Press charges. Fine, your daughter may have a thing for older men. But that doesn't mean once this pervert is through with your daughter that he's not going to pounce on another young girl. It's ILLEGAL. And it's wrong on soooo many levels.

Go with your gut instinct- mother's have it for a reason. And the truth is, your daughter will get over her anger and realize eventually you were only protecting her. She's far too naive still to be involved with a grown man.

Answer 6

This is statutory rape. It's a felony and the 24 y/o should be held accountable. If found guilty in court he will have to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life. Take it to the police again and don't let up until they do something. Call the DA's office if you have to.

I'm a father of two girls, one 19 and one 8. This guy would welcome going to prison just to get away from me if he was caught in bed with any of my girls.

She is not old enough to consent. She needs to be counseled and made to understand what the consequences are.

Answer 7

You were absolutely right to call the police. What he did was illegal and in this day and age EVERYONE knows that. Your daughter is going to rebel against you, she is totally at that age. However, as a minor, her rights are not the issue, yours as her legal guardian are. I would establish a dialogue with your local police- they should also be interested in your daughter's safety and the legality of this matter. They will take your side. Hopefully the attraction will disintegrate in time.

Answer 8

Hopefully they arrested the bastard! Sweetie, there is being open minded with your kids and then there is just having common sense. No matter what she is still a child. When I was 15 I had an 18 yr old bf that my mom freaked out about. Rightfully so too. When you are that age you remember, you just don't think about normal stuff like he is almost twice your age, pregnancy, std's. You just are not thinking clearly. You did the right thing. Continue to pursue it and punish your daughter!

Answer 9

Im glad you called the police.I think you should also sit your daughter down and have a good talk with her or even send her for some counselling.I think she's probably quite traumatised with the police and all.Seriously that man can't be any good, taking advantage of a young girl like that.

Answer 10

I would call the cops. My husband would of shot him or at least had a gun to him. This has got to be hard for you. If you make rules stricter she is going to rebel. Best thing to do is try to get your daughter to talk to you about what she is feeling I know easier said then done. Maybe give her some books on what she is feeling, try to spend more time with her hopefully she will feel she can talk to you. But the fear of having a child at this age is not easy or fun. I wish you the best of luck

Answer 11

you did the right thing by calling the police but know its all up to the cops to deal with it. if you believe your daughter is sleeping around with other men and being active then i would provide her with the education on std's and pregnancy then buy her the best birth control out their becuase at her age it will be hard to keep a eye on her.