Full brothers and sisters with different 2nd names.?

Question

My partner and I aren’t married, but my daughter has his 2nd name.
I’m planning on having another in the new-year and would love a son to name after my dad who died when I was a baby. There hasn’t been a boy born in my family in 30years and I would love a son to carry on my dads/family 2nd name.
Do you think it confuses a family that my son and I would have the same second name and my daughter and my partner would have a different 2nd name? If we get married my son would be the only one with a different name. Is this fair? Or do you think he might feel special, that he has an important role to fill?

It's the official second name I mean, like the name my son would give to his wife to keep the name going, it would be different from my daughters official name.

Answer 1

I dont think it would confuse him at all. My daughter has the same name as me and my son has the same name as his dad (we are still together) so if me and him were to marry my daughter (unless we decided to change it) would be the only one with out the same surname.

It is a lovely idea to keep your family name going through your son (hope your next is a boy)

Good luck

Answer 2

My husband kept his fathers surname when his parents separated, they weren't married, and his sister changed her name to her mothers surname. His father died about 4 years ago, so he too was the only person in the family with his fathers surname, now we have a boy and are married and his father can look down and see my husband has started the family tree again.

As long as you explain to him, when he's old enough, why he has a different name and that he is still part of the same family, I actually think he'll like it, after all he'll have a story to tell all his friends and I'm sure your Dad would be very proud. He will only feel special about this if you instill it in him, especially your husband, as your son might think he isn't worthy enough for your partners surname. Make him aware he is carrying on your fathers legacy.

Answer 3

I'm sorry, I don't think it will make him feel special. It will make him feel different. And wee kids don't like to be different. Remember he sadly doesn't know his grandad, People will assume your kids have different fathers [although if this doesn't bother you then thats fine. Who cares what others think.]
If I were in this situation, I would give him a double barrelled name. If your daughter is at an age were she can make the decision ask her also if she wants the same surname, If she's still too young then maybe get her birth certificate changed to the same surname, I did that with my boys. THey had their Dads surname, We split and over the years contact with dad stopped. My family are all the family my boys had and they wanted to have our name. So I changed it. Maybe you could do this and give both your kids a ver fancy double barrelled name

Answer 4

Give him any name you choose. There is no law which states your offspring has to have one of it's parents' surname, and also no law requiring anyone to take anyone else's name upon marriage. And it might only be confusing for other people and is that really something that should stop you doing what you want?

I was given my father's surname at birth, but at 18 changed it to my mother's maiden name in order to keep it alive (her only male relative had no children)- I have never had any of the problems as outlined by some of the answers, my father said it didn't matter what I called myself I was always his child-
my daughter was given both parents' surnames but has herself decided to stop using one and has no problems either. Another friend has completely made up the surnames of her children (they both have the same father) the children have different surnames, but both relate to their nationality and places of birth.
Stop worrying about what other people think, it's a lovely gesture to your father that you wish to carry on the family name.

Answer 5

If handled correctly the kids will accept it. I think it will cause problems through out there growing periods. Your special because you have Moms\dads last name. Dad\mom loves you more. Teasing of course by school mates who don't understand.

I would ask you why are you really doing this. If you were married would you keep your fathers last name. If you were married would you name your kids with separate last names.
How important is it to keep the family name going isn't it better to keep the memory of the family.

Answer 6

I'd be cautious with the decision. It appears that some believe it to be OK but they are not the child. Before deciding, put yourself in the child's position. You've just started school and other kids are already asking why you have a different name to your brother or sister. The teachers, in the staff room are overheard discussing the possibilities. Is the mother divorced? do the kids have different fathers? etc. etc. As you get older, other kids will be calling you all sorts of names as their parents have concluded that you are a b*****d and your mother is a s***. Those years of growing up will be very painful for you as you will always suspect that you are fostered, have a different father etc. regardless of the convincing stories your parent tell you. Now for the practical side. You want visas to visit a foreign country. It is problematic as your applications will be delayed whilst the Foreign Embassy checks your documents over and over and tries to get confirmation of your story that both children have the same father etc. You will have a problem with the Passport Agency as well. They will want proof that he is the father of the child with the other name. I know of these problems as my ex-wife kept the married name and has named her son the same as our married name, which is the same as my daughter. My ex-wife's partner has questioned why I am called "*****", my daughter is called "*****" his partner is called "*****" and even his son is called "*****". The dumb idiot has instructed the ex-wife that she has never to speak to me or see me. As my daughter lives with me and stays with them at weekends. How does her mother communicate with me if she cannot see me or speak to me. She can't use my daughter as it's guaranteed that messages will not be relayed. Now, the reason that her son has the same surname is simple. As he grows, he will identify that he is the same as his mother and his sister. He will identify that he is part of that family. He will not question who the father is as he will grow up accepting the man that is his father figure and should his mother and her partner ever split, which is likely, his mother won't have the hassle of trying to change his name by deed poll. My daughter's school friends already know him and they know him as my daughter's brother. To be honest, I believe that as you aren't married and weren't when you had his daughter, you made a mistake then, by using his surname when your's should have been used. Now, you have to accept that mistake and even though both your children should carry your name, it would be best to use his surname again. To minimise confusion, hold a "Common-Law" wedding party (good excuse for a p*** up) and start using his surname yourself. You will need to contact Inland Revenue and the DSS to inform them that this is the name that you are now known as. Your name can be changed easily without having to do it by deed poll (which is a permanent change) or marriage. Just contact your GP, dentist, local council etc. and tell them your new name and they'll change it. Sadly, it may be hard to accept, but for the best interest of the child, stick to the same name as his sister.

Answer 7

i think that is a really really nice idea and i dont think it will be too confusing. my best friend has a different surname to her little brother because her mum wasnt married when she had her but she was when she had him. they are full brothers and sisters though. it confused him a little but when it was explained he understood. i think if you explain to your son he will understand and at the end of the day it is only his name and once people are used to it there will be no problems! good luck xxx

Answer 8

Why don't, if you get married, keep the name you have so you and your son can share that name?

Answer 9

I would advise against this.It can lead to all sorts of complications in later life. I'm sure your dad would understand and be proud that you have produced 2 wonderful children whatever there names.

Answer 10

cant you double barrel your daughters surname, and yrs when you marry, then when you have a son he will have both family names