me with the laundry or any ather house work, he work at a cafee, but there's nothing else he's doing at home,i've to work too to cover the family expenses,we've been married for 6 years now , and we have a son ,4 years old now , very active never stop moving unless sleeping off course, but my husband just care about his and this computer thing only,chatting,browsing, laughing and bla bla bla , what should i do???? i tried to be patient for so long and tried to accept him, but he think that i gave him a permission to keep doing this to me,i tried to talk to him, but he's just yelling at me to shut up,so????why do i have to do everything myself, and he can't even take care of himself even only for his own hygiene???
2007-07-31 22:49:17 · 18 answers · asked by lily 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
thanks for all the answer, i'm not believeing in divorce, i sure there's something to do, but what?is it only happend to me or some of wifes feel the same way about wifes have to do everything ourselves? when i say all, i mean it AAAAALLLL
2007-07-31 23:21:27 · update #1
1. How about asking him to take a shower with you.
2. He could be feeling very depressed or very low with low esteem.
3 Him being on the computer most of the time, might be his way of escaping reality to a degree.
4. Try and pay him more attention, maybe he's behaving like that cos he's feeling unloved?
5.Tell him you'd like to go out for an evening with him, somewhere he likes. and when he makes an effort, really compliment him.
6. Don't let his lazy ways rub off on you. keep your chin up.
All the Best
2007-08-01 02:22:12 · answer #1 · answered by Luvly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs help, this is a mental disorder. I worked in a group home for people with mental disorders. One women never took a bath. You would never know because she presented herself very well. IT IS A MENTAL DISORDER. Try to get him some help.
Also it sounds to me that he has a computer addiction.
People with these types of addictions exhibit some of the same behaviors.
If he won't go for help you have no other choice but to leave him. If he doesn't change then follow through with divorce.
You are wasting time trying to battle disorders like these on your own. These are best left up to professionals. Trust me, my adult son has a gaming addiction. He exhibits the same behavior with hygiene. We have been battling this since he was a teenager. My son is lazy. He does nothing but work his day job and play games. He doesn't keep up his home, yard, cars or anything that normal men take care of. His only thoughts are of his games. He is also extremely overweight due to his inactivity. He refuses to take his girlfriend and baby daughter anywhere and she is making arrangements to leave. I am not so sure he even cares, once she is gone he can play even more.
LEAVE HIM
2007-07-31 23:36:23 · answer #2 · answered by hlp4U1799 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How you have lasted so long with this dirty slob is beyond me...I would have found a job and left him ages ago ( with my child). He also seems to be a bully and it seems like you are intimidated by him. If this is not the case than tell him you will leave him ( with your child) if he doesnt clean up his act. If he doesnt respond to that then he doesnt care about you and you are better off without him. If he is violent then ask yourself is he worth the trouble? if not then move on and build a life for you and your child alone. If he tries to get custody of the child you have enough evidence on him ( uncleanliness and laziness) to make the courts think twice about giving him custody.
2007-07-31 23:04:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh you poor thing - that is NOT pleasant. My husband is a bit slack with showering and cleaning his teeth. But I tell him no sex unless he cleans up, so he gets his act together most nights ;)
The other issue, the not helping out, is a serious one because you can't do it all yourself. People will say "just talk to him" but it sounds like he won't listen, and he won't change. A friend of mine tried this. She did things for herself and her kids, but nothing for her husband. She got a huge bin and when she tidied up just threw everything of her husband's in that. Clothes, computer bits and pieces, CDs, letters. If he asked where anything was she said "in the bin". Made her feel better because the mess was contained in one place, but she wasn't doing anything to help him sort his own mess out. If he wanted something to wear, it was in the bin - dirty, if he'd left it that way. You could try it! A bit of passive aggression without nagging.
2007-07-31 22:57:51 · answer #4 · answered by Janey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has your husband ever been screened for clinical depression? It sounds as if he is displaying some symptoms. For an adult to show no attention to personal hygiene is not normal at all. I would talk to him about possibly getting screened. Either way, you can not allow this to continue. Tell him that something is going to have to change. Either marriage or individual counseling. Consider taking your son and moving out until he decides.
P.S.- How is he able to keep his job if he smells?
2007-07-31 22:54:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Leave him and file for child support. He is a jerk and he will remain one. I had to leave a guy like that once. He was the laziest person I have ever met. I did not realize it until after we got together. All of a sudden, he decides that he doesn't even have to bathe, clean, pick up after himself or anything. I got out of there like a bat out of he##! I can't believe you have stayed long enough to have a child with him!!
2007-07-31 22:56:33 · answer #6 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi there if youre this unhappy then do something about it and waken up youre slob of a man ......move out and make a life for youre self and youre son .......youre doing everything any way and if he is out the picture except for visiting youre son you should be happier not having to deal with him around youre feet ,and you would probably get help from the goverment in one way or an other good luck
2007-07-31 22:58:15 · answer #7 · answered by a parent hows been there !! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump him, walk out. Dont take the crap that he is handing out, leave him now, he is not worth it. Get a life why are u living in misery. This is so painful. Dont take any more of this. He is such a skunk. How do you live with this dirt ball. You dont need this trash. You are just being used and abused and in time it will get worse. Walk out now. File for divorce, seperation whatever. Its not worth it. All men are trash, stay away from them/
2007-07-31 22:55:35 · answer #8 · answered by live and let live 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i really do not know what to say.........it sounds terrible to me.......i am a very clean person myself and i could not stand a husband like that........i am not for divorce either but sometimes that is the only way if you can not get him to wake up........you should not be the only support of the family while he stays home and plays on the computer and to lazy to even take care of hisself..........i would just tell him how you feel and if he does not like your suggestions tell him you cannot take the way he is doing anymore.....the lack of taking care of hisself would be enough for me.......i wish you the best and hope things get straightened up for you
2007-07-31 22:55:26 · answer #9 · answered by sanangel 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
give me the name of the cafe he works in and i definately wont eat there.how on earth do you sleep with someone like that...I would have to be honest with him and say ..."you stink and if I can smell you I am sure other people can too",and if that doesn't work tell friends (in front of him) that he doesn't wash or bathe and hopefully you may shame him into grooming himself..he has no respect for himself or for you if this doesn't work leave him..the dirty lazy slime ball
2007-07-31 23:09:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋