We have been dating for six months. The best six months of my life. Rarely any problems or fights (if they are, they are over nothing!), great sex, great fun, great friends. It's everything I ever wanted in a relationship. A couple days ago he slept with his ex who was very abusive. Physically and emotionally. (stripper crackwhore, literally). He was very drunk (no excuse) and is very devistated, I can tell. He loves me and I can tell that too. I love him very much but am kinda stuck. How could this happen? His ex wont stop bothering him. Where do I go from here cause I want him in my life still. Any advise would help.
2007-07-31 20:27:44 · 19 answers · asked by annbannan 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
His ex won't stop bothering him? Doesn't that kind of put the blame on his ex when it takes two?
I know, he said he was drunk and he feels really bad. Well, how did you even find out? Did he get caught?
You can tell he loves you. What else can you tell about him? Can you tell that he's having difficulty shutting this woman out of his life (an ex is an ex - you don't owe it to them to be friends)?
You want him in your life and yet you don't want to just be friends with him and you don't want him to be in danger of screwing his ex.
This relationship is working out with him because you don't have problems or fights and it's all good. This cheating counts as a problem. This could make a really good fight. But instead, you're kind of puzzled and confused more than anything else.
Believe it or not, there are women out there who would kick this guy's butt right out the door for falling into bed with an ex. After all, he knows her really really well! He knew what he was getting no matter how drunk he was! So it should tell you something about yourself that you are not reacting that way - instead, you're looking for some strategy, some justification to keep what you have.
What's done is done. He will probably not fight with you or have an problems with you for another six months. But if his problem is ex girlfriends who are strippers, then that's his weakness and you should start thinking about how you will handle it next time since it has nothing to do with strategies. It has nothing to do with you at all. It is all him.
2007-07-31 20:40:03 · answer #1 · answered by kathyw 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I would never stay with anyone who cheated on me. Not because I couldn't forgive them but because I would never fully trust them again......EVER! There is nothing somebody could do to convince me that I could trust them beyond a shadow of a doubt if they would do that to me. He may have been drunk but why was he in that situation to begin with? Generally speaking as well, if there are hardly ever any fights or disagreements then something isn't right. I don't mean that that means somebody is cheating by any means but, I think no matter how much people get along or have in common, there are always things that are not agreed upon or little annoyances that pop up after time etc. If you stay with him, I would say proceed with caution for A LONG TIME. He might not ever do it again but I wouldn't believe it. Good luck.
2007-07-31 20:34:59 · answer #2 · answered by gnn27m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't care how drunk you get, if you truly love someone, you know not to cross the line with someone else, especially if that person was an abusive ex. Dump his *** now!! He disrespected you and didn't have the moral fibre to keep his johnson in his pants. Therefore, he is not the man you thought he was. Using how bad his ex was also sounds like an excuse. No-one bullies you into having sex. He was a willing participant, drunk or not.
Breaking up is painful, but you will get over it and when you look back on the situation, you will be glad you left with your head held high and your dignity intact. You will find someone who won't cheat on you with their disgusting ex and who will love you completely.
2007-07-31 20:34:23 · answer #3 · answered by T C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It might seem far fetched but he knew you would find out and he knew it would hurt him just as much as you. The real question here is why does he feel he needs to hurt you both? What emotional need does that feed? It certainly cracks open the entire relationship though and puts a microscope over every little detail. Could it be that you both are wanting to take your relationship to the next level of commitment and this is a test for you both to see if you're ready?
2007-07-31 20:33:10 · answer #4 · answered by rodkimble13 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, you say these are the best 6 mnths, well heres what i advise:
1] See if he feels the same
2] ask him why he was even with his ex to begin with... thats kinda suspicious
3] And also, i say you personally talk to his ex, tell her it hurt for her to come between, and just because she still has feelings doens'tmean she has the right.
I honestly would be afraid to do # 3 but if your confident you can!
2007-07-31 20:33:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well he has a choice to make, either he ditches his ex or your relationship with him is over. There is no excuse for cheating because he should not have been in her presence in the first place. For your relationship with him to work now, you will have to find a way to forgive and trust him again. Well he will have to prove to you now that he's worthy of you.
2007-07-31 20:35:06 · answer #6 · answered by Firebird 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have never been in that sort of situation...I really dont know what I would do..What did he say..if he has no feelings for his ex girlfriend than maybe I would forgive him..did he say that he regrets..are you sure he loves you???If he does and you do..than that accident should not be the reason to breakup..I know some people never forgive cheating but If I truly loved someone and they loved me back..I would forgive..So my opinion is that it all depends of his feelings towards his ex girlfriend.
2007-07-31 20:33:41 · answer #7 · answered by Maryyy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People make mistakes (drunk or sober) forgive him if he apologizes then try to move on. Never talk or think about it again. If it happens again, you look for Mr. Right and keep away from Mr. Right Now. Love yourself enough to know you deserve better.
2007-07-31 20:36:04 · answer #8 · answered by Da B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
been there done that a lil diff but still cheating ur right being drunk is not an excuse but if u wanna give him another try then see how it goes i mean theres ways to keep her outta ur lives by court by moving im not sure but u can give him another try just watch him closely for me it ended right there but for u it might b diff
2007-07-31 20:33:23 · answer #9 · answered by cb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to re-think the relationship. he is an addict also, addicted to her, and his being drunk is another issue all in itself. take a few steps back and let him go. count your blessings that you don't have children with him. he has issues. I'm sure it won't be easy, but you are worth more than the drama he will bring to the relationship. be strong...good luck to you.
2007-07-31 20:35:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋