would I be wrong to meet another woman?

Question

Me and my wife have been married for 3 years and our sex life is total crap. I'm tired of all the excuses she gives. I cater to her all the time. Massages, gourmet meals, singing to her no talk or metion of sex whatsoever and just settling for kissing and hugging,,,, but there is still excuses. She says You care more about having an orgasm instead of me. I only want you to love me. wahh freakin waahhhhhh. I'm tired tired tireeed. I've done everything to prove that I love her and sex is just icing on the cake between us. If things don't change I truly don't lknow what I'll do. Am I wrong for feeling that way? Am I just tripping or what?

Answer 1

First off before you going doing anything with another woman, you need to sit your wife down and tell her everything you are feeling. Have you ever told her that you are tired of all the excuses? be honest about what is going through your head. I had the same problem you just mentioned. I decided i had to try and at least get it all off my chest. She eventually accepted that she was wrong in ignoring me. I too did everything to show her that i love her. Well i think it was a wake up call when i talked to her because i basically already had one foot out the door. I must admit i felt great after i told her everything, like a huge weight had been lifted. I felt that if this doesn't work out at least it wasn't because i didn't try. I let her know exactly how i was feeling. She could not use the excuse " I didn't know". I told her i wasn't actually looking for someone else but reality is "**** happens" if someone else gives me the attention i am looking for who knows what can happen. Things are much better now and she can admit to me that when she realized i was on my way out and started thinking about me looking for someone else, it was just too much for her. She realized she did not appreciate the man she has. Be honest and to the point, but do not argue, this is not a negotiation. If she starts to raise her voice let her know that you are just talking to her and want to make sure that she knows how you feel. It is very important tha you keep your cool and TALK to her not yell. No matter what you have to stay calm.

With all honesty i would have left if my wife had not changed. I Love her , but jI ust wasn't feeling it in return. Note to all Women A Man wants to feel WANTED!

Answer 2

I feel for you. But I don't think cheating should be the first recourse. A moment of release will not satisfy for long if it is followed by a lifetime of guilt. Ask her to go to counseling. Or to a couples intimacy workshop where they can show you both better ways,and more mutually satisfying ways, to express your intimacy. See if she is willing to meet you half way in your effort to salvage this marriage. If she does, then there's hope. If she doesn't, then at least you will know that you tried everything possible. If she doesn't try, then divorce might be the next best step.

In the meantime, if you absolutely must get off, then at least make sure that the other woman knows that its just for sex. Now would not be a good time to complicate things even more with a relationship. Part of me regrets this entire paragraph completely, but I also know that sometimes a man has to do what a man has to do.

Answer 3

Have you given HER a good orgasm? Does she know what she is missing?

How was the sex before marriage? How was it on the honeymoon? Have you two EVER had the frequency and the WOW you are looking for? Or, did you think it would come AFTER you said your vows?

She might not have anywhere near the kind of sex drive you have. Or, if she once had it...where did it go? Do you have children?
They can be very exhausting! Are there financial worries?

Is she taking any medication? Many of the anti-depressants kill the libido. If that is the case, changing medications might be the best cure.

Does she get any physical activity? Sometimes a little swim or jog or dancing might stimulate things.

I'd say you'd be in the company of about 75% of the other cheating men who justify their philandering.

Get her off to a therapist.....tell her that you feel neglected and would like to get this resolved...tell her what is crossing your mind....maybe she needs a wake up call.

Answer 4

No thats fair but you got to get down to the real reason of why she doesn't want too, has she been abused in the past etc? Is she seeing someone else? I think you should give her a chance and talk to her about your feelings but I also think you sound like such a gentleman and dont understand why a woman would refuse you sex after you do everything you do especially because you also say it is icing on the cake, even that is sweet. I think talk to her and tell her how you feel and see what she comes back with. I think she has some emotional issues. Tell her sex in marriage is part of the love for each other, it is the intimate bond that makes you one and because you love each other it should feel right!

Answer 5

You are not wrong or tripping for feeling this way. Sex is a big part of a good marriage. It sounds like you have been patient and you're doing some things to please her.

Have an honest conversation with her. Tell you like you told us here that you have needs.

I am in a similar situation. If my wife even thinks I'm going for sex when I kiss and hug her, she tells me "Roll over and let me hold you." She might as well be telling me to roll over and play dead!

I have done everything for her. She has had health issues. I have quit my job to stay home and take care of her. I have cooked, cleaned the house, done the laundry, done the grocery shopping, and so many other things, even after she was well enough to do it herself.

After a friend told me I was not really helping her, and I was ruining my own life, I have done things differently. I stopped doing all the work, and have gone back to work for pay. She now shows me more respect, and does some things for herself around the house. BUT there is still very little sex. When I talk with her about my needs, she tells me that sex to her is when she holds me.

Now I have the balls to tell her that isn't enough for me. I have told her that she should meet my needs or I will go womewhere else to get them taken care of. She has told me I probably should do that. She's even told me to get a hooker. Then she tells me to get it somewhere else so I'll leave her alone.

She still wants to go to bed with her so she can hold me. She says she loves me, but I think she's forgotten what true love is. How can she really love me, yet continue to turn down sex with me? (She is now healthy enough to have sex.)

In conclusion: Talk with her first. If she still refuses to have sex with you, tell her you will get it somewhere else.

Don't tell her this, but start making plans to move out and get a divorce. Get out man while you're still young enough to have a good life with fun and good sex in it.

Answer 6

no wrong in meeting another woman but wrong to have an affair with another woman of course.

First off...you know nothing about women.

You can cater to all the wonderful things you mentioned, but you lacked the one most important thing most women wants and that's a "Listening ear."

To make it worse, to you, it is a complaint and that is where the problem is! Sometimes women have it tough in life and they just want to pour their hearts out to someone who can LISTEN!!! That's all.

Women unknowingly starts arguments, but the men can always prevent it if they knew what needs to be done. WHich apparently you don't.

My friend, it's not doing the big things that will score points with your wife, it's doing the little things that actually scores the biggest points with your wife.

Let me ask you this.

When you come home, do you hug her and kiss her?

Have you ever come home and ask how she's doing?

How her today events went?

When she complains, did you ever bother to simply sit down, and JUST listen to her problems? Or did you do the worse thing a man can do, advising her complains, or complaining about her complains?

When you felt like being a lone just for awhile, did you specifically tell her that?

Do you take her out to dates anymore?

Do you surprise her anymore?

Have you ever called her from work to tell her you love her?

Ever took pictures when you both went out on special occasions?

Ever open doors for her?

Go out buy groceries with her?

Put interests with what she likes and does?

Go for a picnic?

Flirt with her?

Dance with her?

Ask her out for a movie?

Buy chocolates and roses for her?

Cuddle her in your sleep?

What happened here my friend? It has only become you, what you want, and it's all about work when you can't even spend a minute or 2 to call her and tell her how much you miss her. Because you fail to love yourself and your relationship. You choose the life of mediocrity rather then a life of greatness for yourself and your wife.


What was it like the first time you embraced her, love her, wooed her. I am willing to bet my lucky starts you no longer do all that after marriage.
Because marrying her was your goal. After that was achieved you stopped doing what would truly make her happy and due to that, why should she be turned on to even have sex. Even I would be turned off.

Your job as the husband is to give, and your wife to receive. When you have done the smallest things to make her happy, one day will come where she will give and you will receive.

Ever since you have job, you stop doing what's important and you focus on what was urgent.
It shoes you don't know the difference between what is urgent and what is important.

Don't you understand? Your wife is drifting away, and the problem isn't her, the problem is YOU!

You focus on your work, your survival for the future that you push aside what makes your life happy...your wife.

You don't even know how to manage what is important and urgent in your life. You don't even know how to put first things first.

That is why your wife is complaining and is becoming worse until you know how to sit down, shut the hell up, listen and comfort her when she complains.

What do you think? I have given a few methods for you to resolve this and I hope to see you better the relationship with your wife now after reading this. You have my best wishes, and may you and you wife last till the end. If you do need assistance, I'm a message away.

Answer 7

let's get real here... you know the answer to your question. And just in case you don't, yes you would be dead wrong! The entire foundation of a marriage that succeeds is one that is built solely on trust. The minute you break that bond w/ deceitfulness and lies, you begin to errode the foundation that solidifies the marriage. It seems apparent that your foundation needs repair b/c someone in the relationship (who will remain nameless) has took a sledgehammer and cracked your foundation in two. You cannot expect the house (or marriage) to stay in one piece, when one party has repeatedly abused the other. Consider yourself lucky that your wife is allowing you the opportunity to redeem yourself. If you were a wise man, you would cease that opportunity, study your lessons - particularly the steps of atonement. If you are not willing to do your part to atone, then it is better for you to end your marriage bond rather than do further damage to a relationship that is already on the verge of decay.

Answer 8

How the relationship is making you feel is not wrong, but the idea of meeting another woman is. If you still love your wife give counseling a shot. If that doesn't work and you're still unhappy, and there is no other recourse, respect yourself and her enough to get a divorce before looking elsewhere.

Answer 9

no dude, you are not wrong at all for feeling the way you do. I have been married myself for 3 years and I can say I am going through a lot of the same things that you are. I think that women get to a point in a relationship when they think they can just cut you off from sex and because they have you that you are not going to go any where else. My thought talk to her 1st if she still doesn't want anything to do with you sexually find someone who will

Answer 10

NEVER cheat. if sex is vital, then tell her. you need sex or you want out.

you should talk to her regardless. let her know what's up and how you're feeling. make sure she understands how important sex is to you and to the success and future of your relationship.

again, NEVER cheat. you can't go back once you do.

work on what you have now, and if it doesn't work give her the ultimatum above and bounce. then do your thing with who you choose. But, make sure you never want your wife again, because if she has a brain, she won't come back once you go for someone else sexually or otherwise.