Is Normal not to feel like ever becoming a mum?

Question

I am 29, getting marrried in 14 weeks, and I feel like I never really want children, I feel like I won't be mature / ready enough.
If I was too have them I would not like to be older than 31. Argh! it's hard.
As two years ago..I was soooo ready I asked and asked and he wasn't ready, and now the time has passed i feel like that.
Will my motherly instinct set in, as i am wonderful with kids but feel like...um..maybe it will cause stress on our marriage, I'll be too selfish..is this normal to feel this way??

So many people say to me...you'll change once you have kids it'll be just natural. What happens if that doesn't happen, My silly cat annoys me half the time. Meow meow meow. Grr.
I am loving and so is my husband to be, i know he does want them eventually, and like you say hellllo the clock is ticking, I am very young at heart tho, but i do not want to ba an old mum.

I am Australian and that is how we spell 'Mum'
Americans spell it Mom.
:) :)

Answer 1

Hey there :0)

Yay for being Aussie! everyone on this thing is American! Anyways, I used to feel that way, I fell pregnant unexpectedly. My husband and I wouldnt change a thing. There is something that kicks in when you have a baby, You automatically know what to do and how to do it. Once you hold that baby in your arms and see how beautiful a part of you really is, these thoughts you are having now will seem insignificant.
I used to be career oriented and selfish, and now it is all about my son. Im sure you will be a great Mum. I mean, in essence, its what we are here for. :)

Answer 2

It's perfectly normal. Some people choose to remain childless for various reasons, and there is nothing wrong with that choice. Society has a hard time accepting that people can be happy or fulfilled without a family, but those who are not cut out for the sacrifices are probably happier without. Children can also be a blessing, and NO ONE is the perfect parent. If you wanted children a few years ago, you may feel some regret later. 31 is actually a very young age at which to give up on motherhood in this day and age. In the immediate sense, there is no reason to rush the decision. You may or may not change your mind at a later time, and you have plenty of years left to do it. I would definitely have a very frank, open discussion with my fiance about it, though (if you haven't already). He should be involved in this decision and let you know where he stands so that it doesn't become a problem for your relationship down the road.

Answer 3

i saw a story on the news the other day about how its getting more accepted now to not have kids. in fact, many couples felt like they had more time to give to each other and enjoy their connection(without any distractions). if ur husband wants kids, maybe just have one a few years down the road? you will be able to do the mom thing and still have alot of other time.

Answer 4

my cat annoys me to but I'm a good mom lol. your never really ready the thing is that waiting till you are a bit older you have figured out that you never really know what to expect or how things are gonna be until you are living it. ppl who are 20 still think that they just know how it is gonna be and you cant tell them other wise lol you have just lived enough to realize how things really are. for me it took a minute for me to relax enough to really let my instincts kick in i was so over stressed that i second guessed everything. it has been very stressful on the marriage at times and you are never really ready but i have to say i wouldn't trade it for the world. there are times that i just want to be with my hubby but we have to bath the baby or go get him out of his booster. but then there are times when i just look over and see my 2 guys and its just amazing how lucky i am. we are a family and that is so awesome. its a big step so don't take it lightly but think to your self if you never have a child do you think you will regret it?

Answer 5

I never wanted any, though I've been around other people's and like them fine. Take some time off worrying about it and just enjoy life-you still have a few years to decide. Discuss it seriously with your partner.

Answer 6

I donno...I knew when I was 11 that I didn't want kids. I'm 52 and never changed my mind, told all the guys I dated and found one that didn't care. (now I know why, he's self centered and can't be relied upon for anything.)
You do what YOU feel comfortable with, not every one was cut out to be a mother.

Answer 7

I think it's normal. I am 30 and while I love my cousins' and friends' children, I could not picture myself having any or being committed to raise and care for a child properly.

Answer 8

Hey everyone feels different about it. I also never wanted kids and I don't really regret it. I love kids but I prefer to borrow nephews and nieces then they go home! LOL

Answer 9

I dont think everyone needs to have kids. I know I certianly dont ever want any. It is fine to enjoy other peoples kids and then let them go home and not have to take care of them.

Answer 10

It's spelled "mom", not "mum" and yes, it's normal to feel that way.

I never wanted kids either, but after I had my daughter Vanessa, it changed the way I thought about the whole thing. I have two kids now and that's all I want.