How can I get a preschooler to calm down and stop crying all the time?

Question

I'm working with my aunt in her daycare for the summer, and there's this one little preschooler girl who cries ALL the time unless I pick her up. If I put her down she'll start crying again and won't stop unless I pick her up again... you get the idea. She's really shy and I've only heard her talk like, twice. I've tried distracting her with games and toys, but she doesn't want to do anything. I need to pay attention to the other kids, too, and she isn't having any fun! What can I do?

Answer 1

Crying excessively like this is a form of insecurity and the best way to resolve it is to simply meet her needs. When you have mu;tiple children in your care, this is easier said than done. Carry her as much as you can, include her by having her walk next to you and hold hands as you interact with other children, and just be as patient and gentle as you can.

You might also want to discuss this with her parent(s). There may be some changes going on at home, she may need more time in the morning to transition (is mom or dad always in a hurry, rushing out of the house without this girl having time to adjust), are there any indications of sensory processing disorder (SPD)?

Some children have a hard time interpreting normal sensations (sight, sound, touch, smell, taste) and she could be very overwhelmed by some of the sensations around her. For example, when we walk into a store, we tune out the buzzing of the fluorescent lights, beeping of the cash registers, people talking, catrs squeeking, etc. But for people with SPD, they can't tune it out and it's overwhelming. Sensory stress is cummulative, so it builds up until the child just falls apart, basically. Many of these kids also have difficulty with transitions or unpredictability. Talk with the parent(s) and see if this is an issue. There are methods of addressing these issues through occupational therapy.

Good luck and just try to be as patient as you can.

Answer 2

It sounds like she has been doing this since she was little to her parents, and she's just expanding it to you now. However, it is possible she's simply scared or upset too. Does she sound like she is genuinely upset, or does it sound more like "noise" than crying? Does she calm down immediately after picking her up, or is she still fussing and sniffling and needing time to "calm down" after you pick her up? You could ask her parents, who would hopefully know her better, what they think is going on. But I would think that if it seems like she recovers immediately after you pick her up that she is simply manipulating the situation, and I suggest you ignore her and let her realize that she is not going to get anything out of the situation with her crying. It's going to be tougher now that there is a precedent set. Make sure you catch her when she is being quiet by giving her attention THEN, and not when she is crying, thus reinforcing the good behavior and discouraging the bad.

Of course, all this assumes that she is not genuinely upset. Even if she is genuinely upset, there's not much you can do for her beyond the same other than trying to make her feel secure, she is going to have to adjust to the fact that she is at daycare and Mommy/Daddy has left her there. ALOT of kids go through this when they are left at daycare for the first days, but the difference (I think) is that this little girl is also wanting to be held.

Answer 3

Shyness is felt as a mix of emotions, including fear and interest, tension and pleasantness. Increase in heart rate and blood pressure may occur. An observer recognizes shyness by an averted, downward gaze and physical and verbal reticence. The shy person's speech is often soft, tremulous, or hesitant. Younger children may suck their thumbs: some act coy, alternately smiling and pulling away

Know and Accept the Whole Child. Being sensitive to the child's interests and feelings will allow you to build a relationship with the child and show that you respect the child. This can make the child more confident and less inhibited.


Build Self-Esteem. Shy children may have negative self-images and feel that they will not be accepted. Reinforce shy children for demonstrating skills and encourage their autonomy. Praise them often.

Develop Social Skills. Reinforce shy children for social behavior, even if it is only parallel play. Also, opportunities for play with young children in one-on-one situations may allow shy children to become more assertive. Play with new groups of peers permits shy children to make a fresh start and achieve a higher peer status.


Allow the Shy Child to Warm Up to New Situations. Pushing a child into a situation which he or she sees as threatening is not likely to help the child build social skill. Help the child feel secure and provide interesting materials to lure him or her into social interactions.


Remember That Shyness Is Not All Bad. Not every child needs to be the focus of attention. Some qualities of shyness, such as modesty and reserve, are viewed as positive. As long as a child does not seem excessively uncomfortable or neglected around others, drastic interventions are not necessary.

Since this is a child care facility, it is up to you to help reinforce security for the child.

have you spoken with her parents about her behavior?

Answer 4

Try to get her to play with the other kids, or just ignore her. When she realizes she won't get her way she will stop.

Answer 5

Meet her needs.