Xwife , blended family problems?

Question

Ive been with my husband for 4 years, married 2 lived together 1 prior. I have 3 kids from a previous marriage. He has 2 from his previous, although he doesnt have custody of his. He is a truck driver who is only home every other weekend. His x wife is a horrible spiteful manipulative woman. I try very hard to go above and beyond for my husband and my step children, and gone through alot from his x wife in the process, her walking into my house w/ out invite, her lying to my husband to cause us to fight, her trashing me and my husband to the kids, her always being late and not having any respect for our household as if we are to cater to her, she uses the kids as pawns, and has even gone as far as to try and humiliate me and physically harm, and when her son was sick she told me to give him a tylenol then she picked him up took him to the docs and had a tox screen ran on him. implying i had od'ed him. I have watched the kids in the past to help her while she worked, and weeks at a time

And because my husband isn’t home, I watch the kids a lot with out him here, which only fuels her to treat me horribly cause he’s not here, and she uses the my side vrs her side of the story with my husband. My husband playcates to her a lot because he is worried that she will keep the kids from him. He also believes that they are better off in our house even if he isn’t there. Well basically after 4 years of being treated like crap, when she tried to physically harm me that was the last straw, and I asked my husband that from now on, that the kids not be here unless he is here.. nothing against my step kids cause I love them,

but I cant keep dealing with his x wife. He took it as an assult to him and his kids, and basically said if I don’t watch the kids for his x wife that our marriage is basically over, and said I am trying to wedge him and his kids by not babysitting the kids for her. His guilt for not being there for his kids has boiled over to him being angry at me for not picking up the pieces for him. He says that the kids benefit from being with us whether he’s home or not, and that im being the horrible one for not wanting to deal with her. Any advice

Answer 1

Im wondering why you didnt charge her with assault to the police if she harmed you.
Usually with shared custody there are things set up and if she violates any of it you can take her to court. However it is disturbing your husband seems to take her side or believe her over you. Perhaps you need counseling so you can deal with her and him.

Answer 2

I think you need to remind your husband that if you didn't love him or his children then you wouldn't take care of them. Tell him that being alone with his children is risky for you because his ex-wife has lied about your care for them (ex. being accused of over dosing the son). Not only this but she has physically and verbally assaulted you which is not good for any of the children to be witness to.

Maybe, you could get this woman caught in the act to show your husband just how much you have tolerated from this woman. Heck, if you have a video camera feel free to set it up so as to give you evidence. As far as her walking into your home, simply keep the doors locked so she will have to knock.

The more your husband allows his ex to continue on this way (without standing up for himself or you in a reasonable fashion) the more she will continue to do it. If he's afraid of not being able to see the children then he needs to hire a lawyer and either get joint or full custody of the children. After all, if she's unfit to the point that the children are better off in your home then this is what he should be doing regardless of how she's treating you.

Answer 3

Honey you and your kids are the victims here. You are being used by your husband and his ex. They have it made. But when it goes so far that you are being assaulted it's time for you to get OUT! What is this kind of stress doing to YOUR kids? Do what is best for them and yourself. YOU DESERVE BETTER! Good luck.

Answer 4

This is one of those situations where you have to look at are you better off with him or without him. I can't see how you are better off with him, but maybe there is something you aren't saying in this post. He treats you like dirt, puts his ex wife before you, gets mad when you don't put up with his BS and her BS. All you seem to be is a baby maker and a housekeeper. Is that what you want out of life? Is that what you want to show your kids marriage is like?

Answer 5

the problem is between you and your husband here; not you and his ex because it is his responsibility to either put her in her place or choose not to. if he chooses not to then he is basically saying he doesn't give a **** how she treats you, and i can't imagine you'd want to be with someone that callous. if he truly loves you then he should speak to her seriously about this problem and tell her the bullsh*t needs to stop immediately if not sooner. if he refuses then he's a spineless wanker and you can show him this answer if you want to.

Answer 6

Charge her with assault.
Get custody of their kids.
Get support money through the courts for the kids from their mom.

Get marriage counselling and if he refuses, divorce him and keep your kids and get support from him.

Answer 7

no disrespect but you are just a laid for him when his home and he is not a responsible father. you are just being used. he told you if you don't like it then leave what are you waiting for, for him and his ex to kick you out. be smart and go. good luck and sorry if i was to strong.