My friends wedding is coming up...?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together about a year and a half and are getting engaged within a year. Our friends are getting married and I'm one of her bridesmaids. Well I was talking to my friend and she said that on the invitation it will say to Jessica and "a guest". But she said he's invited and the "guest" is him but his name won't be on it. I guess it's just suppose to be a what-if something happens. Which I think is stupid since we're getting married too. This really upsets him and I've tried telling him that it'll be ok and they want him there ect. But he seems really hurt by it. And I don't blame him. They're pretty much saying if anything happens with us hes uninvited bc he's not in the actual Wedding and I am, so i guess they can't uninvite me?. Idk he's so hurt by it and I don't know what else to say. He said he's only going to the wedding bc I want him to. What do you all think about this? What else can I say to help him feel better?

Should I say something to my friend? And if I do what do I say? After all it is her wedding.

See I'm friends with the bride and the groom and my bf is friends with the bride and groom as well. Thats the only reason I think he was hurt. And it's not me thats worried about it, I'm just worried about him.

Answer 1

First of all, yikes! My first guess would be that she is ordering the invitations and not addressing them herself. The reason I guess that is because if she WAS addressing them herself, she knows your bf's name, and would know to include it on the envelope. If that's not the case....it's very bad manners. I know my fiancee had a situation where she knew her cousin was dating a guy and sent the invitation as her cousin "and guest"....two months later, they were engaged. She's told me several times that if she would have known, she would have actually included his name on the invite!

The other sad possibility is that your "friend' is just being snooty. If you can find a way to talk to her privately and tell her about how your fiance feels, I know that that might help. Another thing that you could do would be to tell her that her invitation to YOUR wedding will be addressed to her and her husband the same way. I think that if appealing to her "better nature" doesn't work, low-down dirty dealing will. You might not feel very good about it, but as the saying goes, "Turn about is fair play."

Good luck

Answer 2

I'd say he's getting all upset over a non-issue. Granted, since you guys have been a couple for a long time, and are already in a committed relationship, they should've known his name, and should've put it on the invite. You'll see when you're planning your wedding, if it comes down to making yet another phone call during a time when you know the person you're calling isn't available to get information to put on their invitation--and delaying mailing your invites--OR--simply writing "and guest" and getting the invites in the mail....well, you're going to choose the easy way out at that point. Yeah, it's a faux-paux, but a minor one. You're both reading WAAAYYY too much into this--of course he's invited--I'll just honestly bet at the time she was writing the invite she couldn't remember his name, or exactly how to spell it. You'll understand this better when you're planning your wedding next year. Both of you go to the wedding, and have a good time!

Answer 3

I wouldn't take it personally at all. Your friend is probably under a lot of stress right now planning her big day and I doubt she is thinking about whether the way she issues invitations is going to upset someone's boyfriend.
Frankly speaking, I am sure she issued the invitation like that because she figured you both were coming to the wedding and she could kill two birds with one stone by sending one invite.
Tell your boyfriend to calm down. If she didn't want him there then she would have just said it or sent you an invite without the option of bringing a guest.
Good luck!

Answer 4

It sounds to me like he's overreacting, but there are certain ettiquete guidelines your friend may be using. If you are not currently engaged, married, or living at the same address, then the invitations are typically addressed to 'Jessica and Guest'. If you already had the ring on your finger, or you are living in the same house, then it should say 'Jessica and John' (or whatever his name is).

Honestly, your friend probably meant nothing by it, she's not secretly hoping for a break-up, and she doesn't mean that she wants him uninvited 'just in case'.

Answer 5

i think of she is in basic terms employing this as an excuse. Now, on the different hand, i comprehend that for many pg females, by using the 9 months time you're arranged to get it over with. Me. in straight forward terms my opinion, if it have been my ultimate buddy, i might come across a gown or caftan of a few thing good whether turn flops have been the only ingredient i ought to get on my ft and sitting in a pew for now no longer than the ceremony takes, i might make the sacrifice. If by using some off risk her water breaks, then she will bypass away, it happens each and every of the time, pay for cleansing of the seat and in basic terms bypass on with the ceremony and in step with risk she will call the infant once you. So answer, she no rely how uncomfortable is being egocentric, babyish, confident all pregnant females choose each and every of the pampering, etc. yet in terms of my bf, i may be there, no rely how bloated from water retention, till I did have intense back issues or if for some reason the wellbeing care professional has ordered mattress relax for the time of the being pregnant.

Answer 6

The unwritten rule can be that his name doesn't need appear on the invite, but I can understand his hurt... especially if this friend of yours is a really good friend. Are you sure that she was filling out the invites and not someone else? Sometimes "little details" (even though they matter to someone else) get lost in translation.
My boyfriend was asked to be in the wedding party, since we were going out well over 6 years at the time of the wedding, he made it clear that my name needed to be on the invite. I told him not to worry, that if it stated "guest" that he could bring a really hairy male friend in my dress! He was the one who thought it was more insulting that I did.

Answer 7

ettiquite dictates that unless you are living with each other, the invite should be addressed to just one of you and say "and guest" ex: Ms. Jane Doe & guest. no matter what your relationship, thats how it should be. either that or he should get his own invite.

now, if you live together, both of your names should be on there. like Ms. Jane Doe, and Mr. John Deer

dont force this issue though. it could end up really screwing up your friendship.

Answer 8

I don't think you friend was trying to be mean and insult your boyfriend or your relationship.

My fiance's brother and his now wife were dating for many years. Everytime he got a invitation for something, she was the "and guest". They just laughed it off. She finally got her name on the invitation after they were married.

Answer 9

You can explain to him that it is proper etiquette to address it to "and guest". BUT if your friends know your bf/fiance then it is appropriate for them to address it to him as wel.

I would just give his name to your friend and ask her to include it on the invitation, as well as the place card at the reception. There is no reason she shouldn't put his name there too.

Good luck!

Answer 10

I think you are both making too much of a big deal. Don't take it personally. She informed you he's invited, just go, have fun and forget about it.