How do you deal with your mother-in-law?

Question

My hubby and I have a great relationship. Our big issue though is our mother-in-laws. He can't stand my mom and his mom drives me crazy! She's flaky and says things without thinking. She hurts people's feelings (not just mine) and my hubby brushes it off by saying she didn't think first. That excuse gets old. She says the most inappropriate things at inappropriate times. She is coming for a visit soon and I get to do most of the entertaining... Please, some words of wisdom to help me keep my calm during this visit.

Answer 1

you know she's a flake so she probably doesn't think before she speaks. that doesn't condone what she says but it gives you an answer. maybe the next time she says something that hurts someones feelings, you or they should speak up. you don't have to be nasty just tell her how what she's said bothers you. if she gets ticked off. so what? she'll get over it. my mil does the exact same thing. i've just learned to ignore her when she starts talking.

Answer 2

Oh, when you said "flaky", I thought you were talkin' 'bout me! But I don't critisize or ever try to hurt their feelings. They make my sons happy and birthed my grandkids! Your mother-n-law sounds like a bit**! Your husband is so used her ignorant behavior, he's learned to gaff it off. I don't think it's as much as a lame, uncaring excuse as it is the way he grew up.But since the old crone is comin', good time for the hubby to take a vacation. Otherwise, maybe you should go visit your mom then. That would be interesting. Otherwise, my friend, I'd suggest some valiam and anything 100 proof!

Answer 3

Get a callerID and don't answer the phone. Best solution. I used to have one of those monster-in-laws. Get rid of the husband and the monster-in-laws went away. Voila! I don't know why do we have to have a mother out law. They are more trouble than worth it. What can you do if you can't deal with the in law? Some Christian are the phoniest people in the world.

Answer 4

Just remember that she's coming but soon she'll be going.

I'm not fond of my mother in law either, usually what she says goes in one ear and out the other.
My husband says nothing... I just get used to it after a while. been married 20 yrs.

My thing is : don't let it bother you what she does or says.
Smile ( no matter how hard it gets )
if you have to, wait til she leaves the house to go out and scream ( a good stress reliever ).

Answer 5

Moms have a neat little way of making the not so nice comments, I am pretty sure it is a mom thing-I watch my mom and her mother trade comments as well as my mom pick on my husband. The best you can do is provide distractions, play board games, or watch movies. For your self just tell your self to let it go and "go to the bathroom" for some down time-read a mag in there or take your phone and call a friend for a quick outlet. For what it is worth as much of pain as they can be consider your self lucky, I never got to meet my mother in law in fact we were on our way to meet her when her house burned down with her in it. It suks she will never get to meet me our her new grandchild. So don't miss the opportunity to get to know her, and focus on the good.

Answer 6

I have a SIL just like that. Remember, you don't have to live with her. That is your mantra.

On the other hand, you could sit her down and tell her that some of what she says hurts your feelings. Maybe she'll get it. Maybe she won't. My SIL is just too dumb to get it, so we just limit visits.

Answer 7

Does his mother drink or take drugs???? Does she have a psychological condition...kinda sounds like she does....My mother was (IS) a fruit cake.....she's always right,and on and on....Keep her busy, can she cook, let her do the cooking. can she iron, let her...can she grow flowers, have her help you create a new garden, even if it is imaginary--just to keep her busy. Take time for yourself while she's cookin, take a bubble bath, get your hair done,go to the library.....good luck.

Answer 8

Good luck with your war....

First off - I don't try to control my husband's relationship with his family. I have respect for my husband and love him enough not to expect him to be all about me.

Second - if he has any family relationship issues that do not involve me I tell him to deal with his relationships problems...if it involves both of us then both of us communicate with each other followed by communicating with whom ever.

Are you someone's mother?

Answer 9

I use brass knuckles... that usually fixes my problem...

no im just kiddin... dont do that...
try this...
next time she puts you down, or says something bad... do it right back... because this isnt her old age... it is her personality... she is used to doing that, because noone has ever taught her different...

so if she says something mean..
dont complain or anything... just say something like...
(yeah, well your just some dumb old fart, what would you know.)

or something a bit less harsh...

Answer 10

Just remember -- eventually she will go home.... Plan a private celebration with your husband for when she leaves...