Handling teenagers...?

Question

I swear my 14 year old daughter is going to send me to an early grave. I cant stand the attitude. The smart mouth is what usually gets her in trouble. I caught her trying to sneak out last night. She didnt get very far before caught her. She's grounded for the rest of the week, including the weekend. However, this afternoon when I came home from work, she wasnt there. I found her over in the neighbors garage drinking wine coolers with their 15 year old daughter. I brought her back home and we talked, if you want to call it that, and she said she did it because she needed to relieve the stress of her mother and I always being "up her butt." She wants to go to a party at her friends house next week and since all this happened, I told her no. I'm willing to bet my life that she's planning on going anyway. Anyone with any suggestions? Anyone been through this already with your own teen? Please help.

Answer 1

Been there....Still there!! My daughter is 15 1/2. And there for a moment you were living my life!! I called the police on her, put her in the juvenile home for a week and she straightend out after a while! Its teen years...Just dont let her think she is running the show. If you are grounding her and she is still leaving you need to try something else. If you catch her doing illegal activity such as drinking...call the police. Once she sees that she has pushed you far enough that you will turn her over to authorities, she will lay off!! if you ever need to talk...email me! PS. Hold on...you in for a long ride!

Answer 2

Well, my son is only 3, but i was a teen just like your daughter, so maybe i can give you some advice from that perspective.

1) Your daughter knows everything. At least she thinks she does, and you wil not be able to convince her otherwise until at least the age of 21, so dont waste your breath.

2) Your daughter will not think you would get her in trouble, you are her parent so you will be a sissy and cave in to her. Prove her wrong. When you catch her drinking, call the police. They likely wont charge her, just tell them you want her talked to. They will put her in handcuffs and have a very stern talk with her. My mom did this to me and it straightened my asss right up.

3) Do not let her sneak out. You are the parent. If it takes a deadbolt on her door, and nails in her windows, if she succeds once, she will do it again, and you have a big problem on your hands.

4) It is pointless to tell her repeatedly about anything, wether its telling her "no, you cant do that" or anything of that nature. She knows what she can and cant do, and you will only irritate her to repeat it, and then the smart mouth will come in again.

5) As for that smart mouth, that will likely not change. She will think you are the most irritating person in the world, and thats just part of being a teenage girl. She will come around.

I hope you survive her teen years. If worse comes to worse, call up your county juvy facility and ask if they have a weekend program. The one by me has a program where you can send your teen there for a weekend to scare em straight. And also, dont feel bad to call the police on her. It sounds harsh, but im tellin you, from someone who was there, and likely worse than her, it works. It scared the crap outta me, and made me realize my mom wouldnt just take my shi+, there was an actual criminal punishment for it, and if i didnt shape up, she could send me to jail. Good luck. and keep the faith, me and my mom are best friends now.

Answer 3

I'm not too old, and I'm not as young as her. But I know when I was 14, I was terrified of my parents, haha. Do you have an alarm system? If you do, change the code so she doesn't know it. If she tries to sneak out, the alarm will go off and hey, she's busted. If you don't, I'd suggest not giving her a house key and tell her that she's too irresponsible right now to have one. For the window, I know my window has never really been open (only about twice a year), but maybe you can put those bars on the outside. It sucks, but she needs to understand she's the child and you're the adult. You and her mother are the ones that made her and have a roof over her head, she needs to respect your rules. As for the drinking, talk to the neighbors. Let them know that they're allowing underage drinking which isn't exactly smart.
Honestly, I've noticed a lot of teenagers acting this way. I just don't get it because like I said before, I was terrified of my parents. I respected them completely. Sure, I'd get mad and throw a fit if I couldn't go to a party, but so what? It's their rules.
Oh, I remember when I'd get in trouble, my dad would take away my cell phone, the internet (from me), and the house phone. Therefore, who's gonna reach me? No one but them. She doesn't run YOUR household, YOU do! Show her that!

Answer 4

Fourteen can be such a difficult age! I certainly hope you informed your neighbor about what his daughter was doing as well! In the future, I would avoid "discussions" right after an episode happens, because you will (understandably) be angry and probably ready to lecture, and she will automatically go on the defensive. Try to talk to her from the standpoint of being her buddy to find out what exactly is bothering her so much about your rules and what she believes would be reasonable. Be willing to be flexible and compromise. She is at an age now where she needs to feel like something are under her control, but you still need to draw a firm line in the sand where it comes to drinking, partying, and sneaking out. If possible find an older teen girl that you could trust to give her a little sisterly advice about the choices she is making. As a last resort, have her arrested for sneaking out. Technically that is running away from home. She'll spend a night in juvenille hall, but for most kids that is enough to scare them into reevaluating their lives and the direction they are heading in.

Answer 5

ok this is a PERFECT example of why i say you whould have spanking in your back pocket for teens. You NEED to stop the fighting....she is having a 14 year old temper tantrum. Fine. Let her have it in her room whil eyou BOTH calm down. then go in talk to her and tell her that this time she passed the line....you tried playing nice now its time to be mean. Tell her she isn't too old for a spanking and the reasons why. Tell her that you tried groundin but she just laughed it off anow now shes has to pay for that. Spank her. Then later come back and talk again. Tell her that you had hoped you wouldn;t have to spank at her age but other things haven;t done it. Ground her butt for MUCH longer then a week. FROM EVERYTHING. Ask her why she is rebelling so much and ask if there is anything You can do to help. try to talk to her after thing has calm down and she has paid her dues.Ask her what she needs you to do in order to get her back on track. She is 14 shes not an adult but she isn't a child either...she may act it but she also can reason things out. Try to come up with a game plan.

Answer 6

Yeah.First tell the neighbors to keep their alcohol locked up and the keys with them at all time then take a belt and wear your daughters butt out until her eyes cross, then wear it out again until they uncross.THEN ground her for a solid month.No phone calls, no cell phone no private computer time, no friends over no going anywhere and put an alarm on her bedroom door and windows.Set it after she goes to bed.
NO PARTIES FOR TEENS.They have drugs and alcohol there and sometimes the parents of the partying teens supply them with it. Get to know the parents of your kids friends and their values or lack thereof.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

OOOOOOOOOOOOH YA.
here is what you do.
tonight when the little darling is sleeping.
make a list of all the things she likes best in the world.

tomorrow in the morning when things are nice and quiet, and mom don't yell... tell her that every time she acts up you will take something away....
THEN DO IT!!!
if she wants something back she has to earn it back.
(doing dishes, taking out the garbage, cleaning the bathroom ect, you get the drift)

trust me if there is anything in this world kids like is their stuff!!!

kids will only do what YOU ALLOW THEM TO DO!!!
PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN AND KEEP IT DOWN BEFORE YOU HAVE MUCH BIGGER PROBLEMS.

she is 14 and she is out drinking and calling you names and being disrespectful???
how much longer before you are a grand mother taking care of her baby while she is still out running around???

wake up the pot is on the stove and about to boil over, your window of opportunity is closing fast!!!

Answer 9

I really think....1)send her to a boarding school 2)juvie 3) reallly sit her down and talk about what she wants to become when she gets older. then tell her the stes she will need to take (make good grades have a good reputation, drinking will not cut it if you want to make it in to such and such college) ask her if she wants to live in a house that she can pay for etc...
This might get through to her! hope it helped

Answer 10

I think you should let her sneak out but really verbally abuse her when she gets back. The more she cries the more shes learned her lesson.