How do you tell a close friend that...?

Question

...you don't want to go to their wedding without ending the friendship?

I have a few close friends, ALL of whom are getting married this year, and I don't like weddings all that much. How do i do this?

Help, etiquette experts! =D

The reason I am asking this question is evident in many of your answers...some of you are already mad at me, and we're not even friends! Wow...why do people need other people at their wedding? To validate their love for their spouse? Phooey!

How dare some of you judge me and tell me I'm selfish. Maybe I have social anxiety disorder. Maybe she's marrying my soul mate. You have no idea. So just keep your ****** mouths shut you skanks. You don't know me.

Answer 1

either tell them the truth, most people that really know you would already know you don't like weddiings and says its okay if you don't go, or lie and say you car was stolen on the way to the church. but that won't work more then once

Answer 2

"not liking weddings all that much" is not an excuse that anyone can understand especially me. "Why?" would be my response. There has to be more to it than that. Are you worried you will be asked to be in the bridal party? Can't afford being in the bridal party? Or, angry because you were not asked to be in the bridal party? Or, too shy to have a good time? Don't like the girls? The girls don't like you...they just tolerate you....and are hoping you will not go? Too much trouble for you to get involved? I have to agree with you that single girls and weddings don't make a happy time. Are you angry with them because they will no longer be your close friend because they are marrying their best friend? No bf? All these girls are going to be with their future spouses and you are going to be alone? It's depressing? Yes, it is. It will be more depressing if they stop being your close friends though. What you do or not do opens or shuts a door. You have a problem and should try to figure out what is really bothering you. Do you not like bridal showers either? How about new babies? If these girls continue to be your friend you are going to be invited to lots of other things that you appear not ready to handle. If they do continue to be your friend, you are a luckier person than you think.

Answer 3

If they are close friends, they may already know how you feel about weddings. If they don't know, tell them (close friends can tell each other things like that). You can, however, word it with a little more tact, "I'm not comfortable at weddings so I hope you are not offended that I would rather not attend. But I wish you and _____ all the best."

From an etiquette standpoint, you don't have to give a reason, simply send your regrets.

Answer 4

Ummm. I would go. If it is a close friend they will be offended no matter what you said. Especially if it was only "you dont like weddings". They wont be happy.
For close friends, sometimes we just have to suck it up and do certain things just to make them happy. Even if it means sitting thru their boring wedding. If they were just aquaintances, I would just send a polite inablity (I'm not too keen on traditional weddings either) For a close freind, I would go, and stay just as long as I had to....but that is just me I guess.
Or maybe you could book a fantastic vacation that happens at the same time as the weddings..."I'm sorry but it is the only time I can go and I have already paid the deposit" lol
Good luck with getting out of it.

Answer 5

There are times where I just feel like staying home instead of going to a family function, a friend's birthday, or even a funeral. Do it do it? No. Because we have to consider someone other than ourselves sometimes. Your excuse is pretty lame, and if you use it and don't go, then you're a lame friend, too. You're supposed to be willing to do just about anything for your friends, and you won't even go to a wedding? It's not like it's going to hurt you! Suck it up and stop being so selfish.

Answer 6

You never tell someone you don't want to attend without good reason. You could really easily just say you won't be able to attend and that shouldn't put any strain on the relationship. Your friend will be hurt but not as much as if you said I really don't like weddings and I can't bring myself to attend yours.

Answer 7

great screen name by the way

go...if they are your friends they already know you don't like weddings- the fact that you don't like them YET attend anyway will mean alot to them.

Again, since they are your friends they will also understand an early exit...frankly I would say watch the vows and hug your friend's good bye and wish them luck. If financial concerns are apart of it- by not attending the reception you are getting a "get out of gift free" card

please go- it will mean the world to them

by a fellow jenny :)

Answer 8

Etiquette experts message boards:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-weetiquette?redirCnt=2

Answer 9

That is pretty selfish of you. Some people just want everyone to share their special day with the people they love and respect. But if it is really that important that you don't attend the wedding. Simply RSVP "cannot attend".

Answer 10

Wow! Put yourself in their place, how would you feel if your friends did not want to attent your wedding.

AND how can you not like weddings?? It's a big party, music food and dancing. Go and support your friend and have a good time! That is what a true friend would do.

Answer 11

time to suck it up and go. the reason you are their friends is because of good times and bad. i am not only friends with my friends when it is movie or shopping time. i am their friend during i have to hold your hair while puking and crying over exs times, not the best of times.

a wedding is such an important time in their life, but it is only for a few hours. besides, do you want NO ONE at your wedding?