Do you think that self harm can be understood by people who have not self-harmed themselves??

Question

Like, people who have been close to the harmer, or even people who have had no experience of self-harm in their lives. Can it be understood or just accepted?? Answers from both sides of the fence please, and it would be interesting if people could mention what side of the fence they're on. Thank you. :-)

Answer 1

Ever since I was 16 I've gone through stages of self harm at really low points in my life caused by years of abuse from my step dad. Until the point that I started to harm myself, I never really understood why people would want to do such a thing but now that I've done it I do understand other people who have harmed. Very few people know that I've ever harmed, but my best friend in the whole world knows about it and he is able to understand why I've done it despite the fact he has never harmed before. He's always been there to support me through the bad times. I'm so grateful to him for that. I think the ability to understand someone who harms is dependant on how close you are to the harmer. My best friend is really close to me and knows about everything that has happened in my life that has probably caused me to end up self harming, whereas someone who didn't know of my situation couldn't even begin to understand why I've ever done it.

Acceptance would depends upon the person again. Close minded people wouldn't be able to accept that people do experience such bad emotions and feelings that the result is self harm. Going back to my best friend again. He does understand why I self harm but it doesn't mean that he likes to accept that I'm doing it. If I self harm it hurts him as he knows I must be feeling especially low and he doesn't want that for me. Understanding something and accepting something are two completly different things. Something can be understood but not accepted as well as something being accepted and not understood. Most people in society would see self harming as abnormal behaviour as it's a behaviour that deviates from typical social norms so therefore would not accept it.

I don't think you have to be someone who has harmed to understand or accept there are people out there who do it.

Answer 2

As an ex-self harmer I can tell you that some people do understand it. When asked by a close friend why I did it I explained it was about control and release. Also a recovered anorexic (another control thing) it was my way of dealing with over baring parenting. It was the only thing I had any control over, when how much/offen. The anger I felt at my life was the reason I needed a release and self harming gave me that. Shouting back just caused more shouting and that I never could deal with. My arms and legs took a hammering and I kept it very secret for years. I "outted" at 38 (now 47) and have alot of support from close friends and my Doctor

Answer 3

sure it can. I went into nursing a self harmer and did find I was well skilled for dealing with like folk, but my friend with no experience was equally as cool with folk who self abuse.
The worst are the one's that call that person manipulative, I mean of course they are but manipulation should not be seen as a negative trait as it indicates someone is attempting to gain control over events where they are lacking it.
There is an era of nursing that is plagued with bad attitude and that is during the 80's when behavioural models were all the rage. This training is some of the worst I have seen as folk are seen as a set of behaviours and not much more when it is obvious there is feelings and thoughts before most displays of undesirable behaviour. That era of nursing was rather blinkered and just one of them on a ward can cause alot of problems for those trained with more humane attitudes.
I sit on both sides, although I haven't harmed for a few years now. I am also a psychiatric nurse.
Self harm is very easily understood, many but not all have a history of abuse or interferance and it starts off as punishment but becomes a pleasure.

Answer 4

I often say that people dont accept the things they dont understand and anyone that hasnt experienced self harm first hand doesnt understand...however much they try its not possible...even if they had family members/friends going through similar things...
I think accepting is different...because accepting is just knowing its there and not turning against that person for that reason...and yes people can accept it...i think...
In general i feel that people who have not experienced it first hand dont have the first idea...however much reading or research they do they will not understand or be able to feel the way self harmers do...
Self harm is such a complecated thing...many triggers...many solutions and many feelings...the world would be an easier place if people could understand and accept it...
Take care...
Xox...

Answer 5

as a self harmer, i don't think people can fully understand it - they can gain knowledge of it, and find out from self harmers why they do it, but they don't think the same about it and are unable to feel the effect it has, so they cannot really know why it helps and feels 'good'. as with all things, i think it has to be experienced to be properly understood. however, it is a good idea for those on the other side of the fence to find out about self harm and come to understand it better, as stigma, misunderstanding and fear really doesn't help people like me - it makes getting help a lot harder.

Answer 6

I think generally, people don't understand. I was very close to a family member who self harmed. There was a time, I'd even wrestled on the kitchen floor to get a bread knife off them.
I know the reason why they self harmed, I understood in a way, the logic behind them self harming but only in part could I grasp how deeply distressed they must have been to seek release through self harming.

Answer 7

I have never self harmed, nor do I know anyone who has self harmed. I have had no experience of self harming or self harmers at all in my life, but I can understand why people self harm. I have experienced deep depression so perhaps that is why I can understand why people want to hurt themselves. In fact I can totally understand it. I dont know why. But I can. I get so frustrated and at times hate myself so much if i was that way inclined I would definitely lash out at myself, but I dont, thats just not me. But I can totally identify with those who want to punish themselves and feel a relief in doing so.

Answer 8

I'm not sure. At first when I read the question i thought yes it could be understood but then when you said they just accepted it, that got me thinking. I think that only self-harmers can fully understand it completely. Others can however accept it and I think they can understand it partially. They can understand part of why we do it. They understand that it's a coping mechanism. The people understand it the best though are the people who have experienced it.

Answer 9

if someone can not personally say .. i could easily cut my arms up up or i could hurt my self , in whatever way it may be i do not believe that it can be understood. i have been self harming for a while now and even though some of my friends know about it, i dont think that they understand , but they just accept that it is something that i do.

the mental side to self harming i dont think can be understood unless you have personally been there.

that was a good question by the way
:)
xxx

Answer 10

i dont think people can ever understand why people self harm. many of my friends when they eventually found out about me after 3 years of secrecy thought of me as stupid, social outcast and that problems can be resolved in far easier and less painful ways. but to me it wasnt a case of solving a problem it was a way of coping, and also punishment of myself as wel. if you have never been there you can either accept it, or ignore it. if your a friend of a self harmer and you ignore it i dont agree with this becasue it is obvious that the person needs help - your help. if you have been a self harmer then you yourself know what you went through to drive yourself to self harming and how it helped you but was not the most productive method of getting better. unless you have done it yourself then i dont think you can really understand, under this circumstance then you just have to accept.
Take care
xx