my boyfriend and i have been together for the past 6 years and we have never ever had sex. i have 2 kids from my previous relationship of 10 years. and his excuse is the kids might get up. i gave him oral sex a few times but thats abot it. now if i get anywhere near him he'll cross his legs. theres always a pillow between us when we sleep. if he feels me getting on the bed he instantly flips over onto his stomach. i asked him if he was gay and what his problem is. he simply responds with "because i just don't want to, i can say no if i want" he's now 32 and i'm 30. and i don't know if it bothers me anymore or thats why im so annoyed and stressed out all the time. i'm so sexually frustrated.
2007-07-31 12:20:47 · 45 answers · asked by stressed 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I do think this is pretty strange behavior on his part. There could be so many causes it's hard to even think of a list.... he might be self-conscious, he might have performance problems, he might have sexual trauma in his past, he might not be sexually attracted to you (but still have loving feelings for you), he might have preferences for sleeping with virgins only, he might think you'll be disappointed with him, he might have an STD that he doesn't want you to know about, he might have erectile dysfunction of some kind, he might be gay or bisexual or questioning his sexuality, he might have a very low sex drive, he might be having a sexual relationship with someone else, he might simply dislike sex, and etc etc etc.
I know some of these are hard to swallow (no pun intended) so I suggest you try talking to him gently about it, don't be accusing, and if needed see if he is willing to talk to a therapist with you about the issue. Your fuflfillment in the relationship clearly includes an interest in a healthy sex life, so I foresee problems if you don't find a way to address it with him.
I wish you the best of luck!
2007-07-31 12:28:26 · answer #1 · answered by shindy9 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its really hard to answer because we don't know all of the details of your relationship. From my stand point, it doesn't mean he is gay or something is wrong with the person if he /she decides to put sex off. With me,I am still a virgin at 31, and I do not want to have sex because when I am dating somebody I want to focus on us and getting to know each other. It doesn't mean I am gay or something wrong, but its just a standard I have adopted. He may feel that he wants to wait and give your relationship time to grow before giving his love away. He does have the right to say no, and if that is the case you should respect that. Now, if you feel you aren't getting any type of affection by hugs , kisses, him giving you compliments, or being a good man then you need to step. However, if he is a wonderful man to you and treat your children with lots of love then..he may be a keeper despite him not wanting to give it up.
2007-07-31 12:41:20 · answer #2 · answered by butterfly70637 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You really need to have soem sort of open communication with him. Sounds like he has some sort of erectile disfunctio or something. There is some hang up that is causing him to not seal the deal. Try performing oral but don't let him finish. Tell him if he wants to finish it has to be inside you. If that doesn't work then get a vibrator and just start going to town with it.
2007-07-31 12:25:53 · answer #3 · answered by Ed D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I might totally rethink your relationship with this guy! If all attempts at talking about this have failed, it might be someone else that needs to help him. There are ways you can take matters into your own hands - so to speak, however, that is nothing like the intimacy of a loving relationship with your partner. You will have to decide what is important to you and what you can live with, or in your case live without! Best Wishes!
2007-07-31 12:25:42 · answer #4 · answered by tpettee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I personally think it is time for you to have a serious talk with him. As a guy I do respect woman and will not push the issue on sex but as soon as the door is open and you are more then willing I am up for sex as often as possible. Now since he does not want sex it tells me as a guy that he is possibly srry that he got into this relationship at all, and now he feels trapped and probably wants out but does not want to tell you, as well as he is probably having sex with someone else.I am very srry to say this but he is either cheating on you with another woman, man, or is meant to be a priest. well I hope this helps and good luck on your sex life. I will tell you that there are alot of guys out there who would be more then willing to have sex with you.
2007-07-31 12:28:53 · answer #5 · answered by arsa1971 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think he's trying to protect you or himself from something that's obviously secret: erectile dysfunction, std's, maybe he's just bad in bed. he's definitely keeping something from you. NO MAN ON EARTH would give up sex for 6 years.
In my opinion, it's something he's embarassed about. if he didn't have a problem with you giving him oral sex then he's probably just not good at it, but i still doubt that a guy would pass up giving it a try even if he had the worst case of e.d.. he's definitely super scared of something. maybe he had a bad sexual experience that made him "borderline gay".
START BY ASKING HIM ABOUT HIS PAST SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS! make it work! grill him! PUT HIM ON THE INTERROGATION STUFF! then study his reaction; i'm sure you'll be able to tell whether he's scared or not.
You'll have to go extra kinky for him. tie him up, blindfold, get him interested and just assure him that he won't have to do anything and you'll be the one pleasing him just like you did with oral sex. just blinfold him. if he doesn't allow that then say things like "wow" to a kiss, stroke his ego, let him know he can turn you on with simple things. say "wow" to a kiss on the cheek if you have to.
2007-07-31 12:25:52 · answer #6 · answered by raymanbk 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Something's up.
And it's not him ;)
There has to be a reason that he's acting like this.
It just isn't normal.
Is there possibly something wrong with his man parts?
Does he ever try touching you?
If not, then I'm thinking he is gay and just doesn't want to come out of the closet....so you're a good cover up :{
2007-07-31 12:27:12 · answer #7 · answered by MommaBear 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may be gay or he may have had something bad happen to him in the past (maybe sexually abused as a child). He also could feel trapped in the relationship and is no longer attracted to you. Try to talk to him about it, and if he refuses tell him he has to talk to you about it for the sake of your relationship.
2007-07-31 12:24:36 · answer #8 · answered by fubco 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him. If you can't talk about intimate problems with your boyfriend, then who can you talk to? Maybe see about having some sex therapy for the two of you or just seeing a regular marriage counselor that way he can get whatever it is off his chest and so can you.
2007-07-31 12:24:35 · answer #9 · answered by MJ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
maybe he's insecure that since you have kids... he's not the only man that has been in your life... just talk to him. i wouldn't suggest to ask him straight up if he's gay though becuase if he isn't, that might just cause of your breakup...
just tell him the truth... tell him that you're frustrated and stuff. and if you seriously think he's gay, you should get some kind of proof first then ask him.
2007-07-31 12:28:37 · answer #10 · answered by xxazaleanne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋