Please... I need some advice...?

Question

I have been an atheist for about 5 years now... I haven't told my parents only some of my close friends know. I believe that my being an atheist is a personal choice and that it doesn't matter what other's think. However... my parents have been asking me repeatedly why I never go to church with them... I lie and say I'm sick and other things like that... I can't help but feel I am being unfair to them...

I am however afraid of their reactions if I do tell them...

So my question is...

Do I tell my parents? (yes then how)

Or

Do I not tell my parents? (yes then why)

Enigma... That made me smile...

Answer 1

If you are an adult, then you are fully responsible for all of your decisions. You should be able to back them up and be honest about them. You should have reasons for what you decide to do or not do.

If you are less than a full 18 years of age, you are not considered by most authorities as fully responsible for your decisions. If you are living in your parents' home, you at least owe your parents respect, and ought to live within their household rules.

In either case, telling lies belittles both you and your parents.

I say you should tell your parents the truth. I would pick a time when religion is not a "Hot Topic" of the moment. (Such as, don't start this conversation on Sunday as everyone else is getting ready for church.) I would apologize for the past lies, and then offer your reasons for your choice.

Do expect your parents to be disappointed. Especially so if they are devout in their chosen religion. Some overzealous folks get downright angry with folks who disagree with them, but do not let their disappointment or anger get to you.

If you detect that it may get out of hand, stop the discussion. As an adult, you may find in necessary to just walk away. Do not say anything rude or insulting. "I am sorry you are so angry. I guess I had better go now." would be the sort of response you could use, if needed.

As a child, it may be trickier, but keep your cool. Again, DO NOT be rude or insulting. Just stick with a line like above, and perhaps retreat to your room or something.

If your parents are truly Christian, let their Christian training kick in. It may take a bit of time, but they will "come to their senses" sooner or later, and learn to respect your decisions without damaging the relationship.

As you live your life, keep an open mind. God does indeed show people His power from time to time. There may come a day when you will be witness to such power and choose to change your mind. (That is what I hope for, by the way.)

If you kept proper respect for your parents through this, you will not have burned any bridges, so to speak. You and your parents may come together on this issue at some point in the future. In the meantime, everybody will have the same knowledge of the truth, and hopefully, everyone will be able to maintain a civil and loving relationship whatever the religious choices.

Answer 2

Yes, your parents need to know that you want to be an atheist. Your own guilty feelings about unfairness point to it loud and clear. The next time they ask about church, sit them down and tell them "Mom, I am an atheist." or "Mom, I don't really believe in God." Then proceed to tell them WHY - they are going to want reasons (I know I would). As your parents, they are supposed to care about your well being, both physical and spiritual; do not be surprised or offended if they make you go to church (I'm assuming you're a minor), make several attempts to convince you to give up atheism, or down right tell you that you can't be an atheist (some parents can be a little wacky and momentarily forget that faith is truly about the individual's deep down core beliefs and is not something they can command you to have - minor or not). They will do this because they care about you and about what happens to you.

In the end, the decision to tell your parents and how to do it is really up to you. Depending on your household, there may not be ANY easy way to do this. I can tell you that you probably won't feel very good about your decision until they know.

And to be honest, I hope they can change your mind. The choice is yours; I'll be praying for you!

Answer 3

How old are you? My answer doesn't really change based on your age, but it would help to see where you are coming from with this. You should tell your parents. I'm an atheist and I just don't believe in lying. It takes too much time and energy and it is unproductive. Not to mention you lose the trust of friends and family if you chronically lie-even if it is not to them, if they know you lie to others it makes your actions questionable in general. Anyhoo-I'm atheist and luckily I never tried to hide my beliefs. They basically saw me through the years where I discovered where my beliefs lie. I went to a catholic school through the 6th grade, but I began my questioning in kindergarten. :) :) I have been an atheist for as long as I can remember and was just married last year in a wedding that my husband and I designed based on old Celtic/Pagan/Druid ceremonies that was very meaningful for us. Not only do my parents still talk about what a wonderful wedding it was, all of the guests that were there have told me more than once how it was the most personal, beautiful, and moving ceremony they have ever seen. So, just because your beliefs are different from your family's it does not mean that they are not valid and should not be respected. Be calm, state your reasons, tell them how you respect their beliefs, but that they simply do not work for you. If they would like to pray for you to return to the church that is fine, but they should not lecture you nor treat you any differently as you are still their child.

Answer 4

"who needs God" ????????
looks like you do.

The fact that you are hurting yourself is your own business, but why hurt your parents when they do not deserve it?
You could handle this one other way:
You could simply tell your parents that you
do not agree with the Church's teachings; that you have been reading and learning on your own, and that you don't want to be a hypocrite by going and sitting in a pew.

Is it really God you don't want anything to do with, or is it that your family belongs to one of the 99% of the Churches that teaches nothing but nonsense along with church rules and regulations and mans traditions? I dumped them a long time ago;
what I did not do was dump God along with the Church.
Do you know that in the Scriptures, God says he's so unhappy with the garbage taught in the churches that He says when he comes back he plans to take the center support beam of those churches and crash it right down onto the peoples heads? Yep.
God says that the way they practice "religion", its just as stupid as if a farmer was to plow his crop - IN THE OCEAN. He says its as stupid as if someone rode their horse at ultimate speed down a steep cliff of slippery wet rocks.
Get the idea? God isn't any happier with those churches than you are. Of course the Church isn't gonna read you THOSE SCRIPTURES are they? They sit a person in a damn pew and for 30, 40 or more years they teach the same thing over and over: salvation, baptism, the ten commandments - again and again.
God has a huge controversy with the Churches for sure. Open a Bible and read the Prophets Joel and Amos and you will see what I mean.
Look, if you really do not believe in any God at all, thats your right. You have to sail your own ship, but my point to you is that
maybe your distaste for God is really just a distaste for religion. Just a thought.
Be gentle with your parents; they just want whats best for you, really. They love you.
You don't mention your age; if you are 13 then you may have to do what they tell you to do, unless you calmly tell them that you simply don't agree with the Church. Maybe if you tell them that you need some time to study on your own to see where your head is really at with regard to your beliefs, maybe they will understand and give you that time. Ask them respectfully. remind them that this is very important and that you don't take it lightly and so you are asking them to give you some space. You might tell them that if you have any questions, you'll be sure to come to them.

This whole thing can be handled with relative ease if you are honest but tactful.
Don't keep on lying about being sick; I'm sure they already have figured out thats bull.

Answer 5

If it was me I would tell them. But then if it was me we'd be talking about -my- parents and they'd be okay with it.

You might tell them you're 'agnostic', which means you just don't know or aren't sure. That might be a much easier attitude for them to handle than someone who's decided that they just don't believe God exists.

Or you might just go to church with them once in a while to make them feel good, enjoy the music and the quiet. 8^) It's not hypocritical for an atheist to go to church. I do sometimes, when someone invites me.

Or you might tell a little white lie and tell them you just don't like going to church. You have to get all dressed up, and you don't feel it brings you closer to God, or something like that.

I would just tell them. You have a right to believe as you think. But only you know what you need to do to keep peace in the family.

Answer 6

You should be honest with your rents. They may be angry, and they will most definately have a ton of questions, but give them a little credit and a chance to talk to you about things.

Try to talk to them without losing your temper. Even if they lose theirs. And go with an open mind. They're gonna want to know why you don't believe what they believe, they may take it as a personal attack...but if you maintain a calm and open-minded attitude you can avoid arguments and it will help them to see you as more adult, and therefore may help in accepting your decisions. Have some answers prepared so they know you didn't just wake up one day and think 'hey! I guess I'll be an atheist!' Show them that you have thought about things. Ask them to be understanding and explain this is a decision you have truggled with and how to talk with them about it.

Good Luck!

Answer 7

You have the guts and gumshoe to snub your nose at God and walk away from all he gives you specially since he gave you life.

Yet you can't tell a few flesh beings this?

Something just doesn't add up. Sounds more like you are not an atheist but realize the church and religion lies and now are confused on what to do. I will agree, church and religions are wrong, 99% of what they teach n preach is wrong.

I would recommend however understanding exactly who YHWH is and reading the bible WITHOUT all the religion BS that floats around it. You will come to a true understanding then of what it is all about. Its not the story majority think.

I walked as an atheist for 30 yrs yet lived in a family of strong baptists. I just knew something was wrong with all I heard, but didn't have the sense at the time to put 2 n 2 together. Now I do, now I know the truth, and its not what is preached.

Those in church praising Jesus on Sundays are the ones Revelation talks about when God says " be gone, I do not know thy" after they say " but didn't we do your biddings, in your name? "

Bible is an acronymn for Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth. Its a story of survival and how to live during this cycle we call life. For it is a short cycle of around 3600 yrs. Bible starts off with " In a beginning... " not, " In the beginning... " this simple word change redefines the entire book. Just learn those 2 words in Hebrew and look at the original scrolls to realize it yourself.

Walk away from what society calls "religion" yes, but don't walk away from the Father, YHWH. This name is found everywhere, in all time frames through history. Yet few know the name as those that run the church care to hide it from you, for they want to control you and take your cash. YHWH does not want your cash.

(and no this is not the YHWH church in Texas or the Yahweh dude who summons UFOs on YouTube, both flake pots. Always a few bad apples in any bunch.

Answer 8

I don't know why you would be afraid to disclose your atheism to your parents. What are they gonna do about it? I say you should just tell them in plain language over a family dinner or something. Or the next time the asks you to church, tell them you don't want to go because you don't believe in God. They may not like you, but faith is not something that they can force on you. You'll probably feel a great weight lifted off your shoulders when you longer have to put on a charade.

Answer 9

I'm a Christian but I'm not a church goer. Just because you don't go to church, doesn't mean you have to be an atheist. If you tell your parents while living with them, you're looking for a miserable life. Wait until you move out.

Answer 10

First, how old are you. My parents have known my religious beliefs for quite some time. But, that is neither here nor there in this conversation.

You're not really being unfair to them, you are being unfair to yourself. These are your beliefs, and you should not have to hide them, or feel like you need to lie to avoid telling the truth. Beleive me, they are your parents. Now, they may not like your decision, but in the end they will have to accept it. But, don't hide who you are because your are afraid how they will react.