Hi. please give me your honest opinion about my poem, i am 15 an i dont know how to judge if a poem is good or not
My feelings for you will for ever be there
The feelings for you I yearn to share
Alone I sit thinking of you
My love for you will always break through
In my heart I know you feel the same
But to you it is just a game
I know I can’t have you in my mind it is true
But my heart yearns always for you
Thanks for reading
2007-07-31 09:55:34 · 9 answers · asked by greyfox 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Oh she will love it. Chicks dig that mushy crap. Good work dude.
2007-07-31 10:00:04 · answer #1 · answered by terminator 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The basic sentiment and structure is fine - and that's the most important part. But after you've written it, read it aloud to see if the cadence works. I've re-written it so that it might flow a little better - see what you think:
My feelings for you will forever be there,
These feelings inside that I'm yearning to share.
Here alone I daydream, only thinking of you,
Hopeful and wishing this love would break through.
In my heart, I am sure that you must feel the same,
But to you this is all little more than a game.
I won’t ever have you - it's sad, but it's true.
Yet forever my heart will be aching for you.
I'm not saying that this is better wording - I'm just trying to give you an idea of how to approach it so that it flows more smoothly when you read it. It may seem technical, but you've got to consider the number of syllables per line and the cadence, in addition to the rhymes.
BTW - I'll bet she makes your heart beat faster every time you see her. It's great being 15 - take it from a guy who's 43. Whatever anybody tells you, don't lose your ability to feel, and don't ever lose the poetry in your life. Good luck.
2007-07-31 17:30:07 · answer #2 · answered by Marko 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's nice. Simple. Maybe a little to cliche. Meaning, it's similar to a lot of poems that are alreaydy out there. But overall, it was good and had a nice ring to it. But the point is that you are 15, so it doesn't have to be Emily Dickinson or anything. Whomever the lucky lady is, I think she will enjoy that. Hope that my constructive criticism was helpful and keep up the good work.
2007-07-31 17:01:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
aww thats cute.
i liked it.
very nice job man.
i would love it if my boyfriend did something like that with me =]
make up a poem for me that would be so sweet.
i hope it all works out if thats for someone.
2007-07-31 17:04:59 · answer #4 · answered by Skye-dez 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sucks, sorreh man
2007-07-31 17:01:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
aww.... i would love that if a guy gave that to me
did you write that?
im 15 in a month
2007-07-31 16:59:52 · answer #6 · answered by shay 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
very nice, I hope whoever it is about likes it too.
2007-07-31 17:00:02 · answer #7 · answered by Greg 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
aaaaaw, its sad
but definately very good.
2007-07-31 16:59:48 · answer #8 · answered by Taylor. 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
awww...your so sweet!!!
2007-07-31 17:04:40 · answer #9 · answered by lauren 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋