shyness and desire?

Question

there is a girl that lives near me, im not sure she likes me. i have "met" her 5 or 6 times, when i get in the vicinity of her, i cannot make eye contact or be near, i seem distant and cold, im very shy and not confident, i have no self worth. ive been to her house a few times, each time i cannot talk normal, ive only responded to her in a simple fashion, "yes, no" e.t.c i am not myself around her.

im very good at masking myself so it may seem i dont care, or seem cold when im not like that, i just cant maintain eye contact or even create conversation. ive been out with her and others, she sat opposite me but the whole night i did my best to ignore her :( . i didnt want to but i couldnt help it. ive never had a girlfriend. my friend told me she thinks im good looking.

the problem is girls expect the guy to make the first move and ask them out, i cant do it, what do i do? is she waiting for me to ask? i dont have confidence or agressiveness to ignite it like other guys.

Answer 1

Maybe you are too worried about whether she'll gain weight, too!

Answer 2

You know there is nothing more attractive than a good looking guy who is shy and doesn't know he is a hit. So many lads are just too big headed and they are a pain. You are boyfriend material indeed! Its best not to try and chat a girl up. You just have to ask questions e.g. what do you do with yourself in your spare time - any hobbies? What music do you like? Whats your favourite film? You then pick up on what she says in her answers and try and keep the conversation on the go. If things get a bit desperate and go all quiet, you should comment on the surroundings and if things get really really bad, tell her you are thinking about getting a tatoo - for some reason this sparks conversation with most people! The big discussion about what kind, and who is going to do it and whether its a good idea or not...endless. Anyway, you need to also forget that every girl you meet is a potential gf. You are just meeting people and thats it. No big deal. In direct reference to the girl you like, make sure she catches you taking a sneaky peak at her - she will then know. Smile if she catches your eye. I know shy people come across as cool and aloof but while you are sitting there apologising for your own existence, someone else is out there getting the girl! Take a big leap and enjoy life!

Answer 3

Interesting. If you don't do anything, nothing happens, so that's safe. If you are not moved to speak to her nor look her in the eye, it is hard to believe she really appeals to you very strongly. What do YOU think the problem really is? She can't be very exciting to you, or you would have done something by now. Low self-esteem and all that other stuff you mentioned are your thing, and it's okay for you to know that stuff about yourself, but it seems to me YOU will be the one who pretty much changes any and all of that when the time comes. How much interest can you possibly have in a girl whose presence does not move you to forget about yourself for a moment and just speak to her the way other people speak to one another? If she should respond to you like a blithering idiot you would probably be flabberghasted. The assumption usually is that the girl is a prize and the guy is a dolt. How convenient. But what if it's the other way around? I certainly understand your awkwardness and feeling out of sorts because of this situation, but what I am really looking to find here is what you are not telling us about YOU. I am looking to find what will create a level playing field here for the two of you.

Answer 4

Have Confidence in yourself. It not about aggressiveness. Toss away that imaginary fear of rejection. It seem if she's already gave your friend the hint, then MAKE A MOVE ALREADY. You will regreted if some guy come and snatch her away from you. That pain is worse than the pain of rejection. If you don't make a move, she may think you are not interested in her. It doesn't have to be anything lavish, Ask her what does she like to eat,& just take her out for a bite(places don't have deafening music)you don't want to shout&possibly spit food in her face when u try to talk to her. I wouldn't recommend movies because ur goal is to get to know her better right? How is movie going to help if you both have eyeballs glue on the screen? Wish you all the best luck shy boy. ;)

Answer 5

Hey!
Don`t be shy!

You have to find the courage to stand for yourself!!

How you can cope in your life if you are not enough assertive?!

Start some hobbies...do sports, dance, read, join voluntary charity works...learn to be useful...you`ll get a healthy confidence and you`ll be attractive for girls!

You can`t wait,if the girl do the first move(sometime it could happen)...but if you like the girl, be brave enough to ask her out...it doesn`t need to be a date first!
Just start conversation..maybe you`ll find out about her she likes simile music, films or reading.

And don`t be scared of rejection too!

Because maybe soon there will be somebody new, to who you`ll be interesting and she`ll find you attractive too.

Enjoy life!
Look after yourself and others too!
All the best!

Answer 6

Most guys will be shy or nervous around a girl they want to ask out, and yet have no problems talking to girls they don't fancy, I think the trick is to put it out of your head for a while about asking her out and just talk to her like a human being and not a goddess on pedestal.

Find out if you have anything at all in common before you ask her out, you will pretty soon determine if you both spark to each other or not and can decide then whether you like her enough and she appears to like you enough to ask her out

Answer 7

YOU SEEM TO NEED A TUNE-UP ON YOUR IGNITION SYSTEM AND SHE MOST LIKELY IS WAITING FOR YOU TO GET IT IN GEAR. INVITE HER TO A SLOW DANCE AND HOLD HER CLOSELY AND SEE IF SHE RESPONDS TO YOUR GENTLENESS . REMEMBER YOU DONT NEED TO TALK ALL THE TIME JUST ENJOY HOLDING EACHOTHER FOR A WHILE . IF YOU HAVE HABITS SHE DOESNT LIKE FOR EXAMPLE SMOKING, EXCESSIVE DRINKING ETC ETC THESE THINGS CAN AFFECT YOUR RELATIONSHIP SO CONSIDER THIS AND DEAL WITH IT AND IF YOU CARE ABOUT HER YOU WILL ACT ON THESE THINGS. HOLD HANDS WITH HER AND MAYBE FOR EXAMPLE LOOK AT HER FAMILY ALBUM WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER ETC ETC. DONT FORGET TO SMILE ONCE IN A WHILE AND MAYBE A NICE FLOWER WOULD BE NICE BUT DONT PLAY " SHE LOVES ME ! SHE LOVES ME NOT " WITH THE PETALS. THIS COULD TURN HER OFF SO ALWAYS THINK AND SAY THINGS THAT GIVE YOU BOTH SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT. ASK QUESTIONS TOO AND BE A GOOD LISTENER . AND LIKEWISE TALK TOO . MAKE HER FEEL SMART AND IMPORTANT JUST SHE WILL MAKE YOU FEEL SMART AND IMPORTANT. DO IT AND DONT GET ALL HUNG UP ON YOURSELF. GET GOING !!!!

Answer 8

More often that not it is easier to write how you feel in a letter. Explain why you behave the way you do and she will see how shy you are and possibly make the first move herself.

Answer 9

look man chill wen u are around her she is just like u mean she is not going to do anything bad to u and just tell her u wanna go out sometime like that but first talk to her then tell her that and don't worry the worst thing she can say is no so just be your self be cool ok

chose me as best answer plz

Answer 10

as a girl i can tell u that she is waiting for u n it sounds like u really like her so u should get over ur nerve n ask her out if she says no at least u tried and u wont be wondering wat could have happened. and if u think about it if she says no u just move on wit yur life nothing life threating is going to happen so give it a shot good luck

Answer 11

Here we go again! I've seen this many times with my clients, Tavare. Add me on yahoo messenger. I do online sessions that will really improve your chances with her or any other girl for that matter. David_Sexton_phd...my methods work!


David Sexton., Relationship Expert/Author