Am I expecting too much from my boyfriend?

Question

My boyfriend is in the military and we've been together for 2 yrs now. He was married but that fell through and he got burned really bad. He won full custody of his daughter from that marrige. Now I've been living with him and playing mommy to his daughter and taking care of him, but he's not showing me any signs of me sticking around when he get's reassigned to a new location in a year. Is it too much for me to expect us to get married or at least be engaged since that's what he tells me he wants to do but just won't ask the question? And why do you think he's not asking?

Answer 1

Uh, if you have been together for two years it is time for him to make some kind of a commitment one way or the other, if not engagement or marriage, at least still living with him when he transfers. By "playing mommy to his daughter and taking care of him" it sounds like he likes having a free babysitter and housekeeper. I would tell him you need to have a serious talk and lay your cards on the table.

Answer 2

Are you expecting too much? NO. It is understandable that he could be scared from his previous marraige, but if he isn't sure if he wants to marry you....then he shouldn't let you play mommy. I think for the daughter's sake, you should step back a little bit. Let him and his daughter learn to be on their own...without you playing mommy and without you taking care of him. You don't have to "break up".....just start taking a long hard look. This will also give him the opportunity to see how much he misses you (or not). If he was hurt before....he probably won't make a commitment until he realizes that he doesn't want to be without you. For the little girl's sake, I hope she doesn't lose another mother. He really shouldn't have let you play mommy until he was ready to be engaged. Doing that will only hurt the child in the end.

Answer 3

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. If he is projecting signs of "cutting and running" in your book. There is probably little you can do to change his mind another way. If he seem non-committal, it could be because the other girl flamed him like a Sopwith Camel over the skies of Florance during WWI. Then, you could have enable him not to step up. He got the built in babysitter/pseudo mom, sex partner and did not have to make any big sacrifice for it. BUT, this is the 2000s, YOU can ask him(and why haven't you?). If you have not asked him to test the waters, maybe you do not love him as much as you think. Lastly, if he don't seem to want you long term, do you really want to be in a long term relation under that cloud?

Answer 4

You might be expecting too much, too soon. There's a lot going on and if you're "playing mommie", it sounds to me like you're a discompassionate brat the family might be better off without - except, I'd think of the poor daughter - where would that leave her?

Probably turn out being another trashy stripper with a lost-daddy complex. Ugh.

Answer 5

same with my boyfriend.. he was married and has a kid with his ex.. and me and him have been together for over a year now and we have a 8 month old together.
He probably doesnt want to get hurt again. He's scared of going through another marriage for it to end in divorce. He probably thinks he's too young.
I understand completely about you wanting to get married to him. I do too, especially coming to find out that him and ex only knew each other for 8 months before marrying and we have been together for over a year now with no sign of marriage in our future.
When he gets reassigned, are you going with him?
I think hes not asking because he wants to see where things lead out for the Army. And himself. Give him time, but ask him why he doesnt want to get married to you, and see what his response will be.

Answer 6

no your not expecting too much. you have taken on a lot since being in a relationship with him. it seems as if you are making a lot of sacrafices also. he might have trust and commitment issues since he was burned in the past by his ex-wife.

let him know you are starting to feel as if he doesnt want to get serious and take things to the next level. express to him that you want more from this relationship than he is currently giving you. if he claims he wants to be engaged you need to let him know that is the next step you guys need to take. let him know you understand any fears he might have taking the next step, as he has been there before and was burned.

be sure that he is really ready to commit and serious about the engagement. dont force him into anything if he isnt ready but at the same time he needs to make you feel confident he wants you around in the long run. express to him the insecurity you have surrounding that whole issue of him being reassisgned. try to focus on the positives in the relationship and how far you are willing to go to prove you will be by his side and honest with him.

you will have to have patience with him and understand his point of view. try to get him to open up by talking with him and taking the time to listen to anything that might be on his mind. if he didnt want you around i doubt he'd have you stepping in taking care of his daughter. he just might be reluctant to go father coz the last time he did, he was hurt.

Answer 7

hmm wow! this is very serious. What signs does he show that make it seem lke he isnt wanting you to move with him when he is reassigned? Also, what does he tell you about engagement? I would love to help you out, so just email me and I will deff talk to you all about this.

Answer 8

He is 31 of course he wants sex!! He has been waiting 6 months to get it and the spa trip is the perfect excuse! By the way you are way too young for him!!

Answer 9

Not doing something and putting it off is a nother way of saying you dont want to do it. You may have give him a ultimatum

Answer 10

cz his not ready yet....he been there....so i guess he learn his lesson and scared to be committed....

let me ask u something...do u love him??? are u willing to wait until his ready??

i guess u know my answer.....good luck