Problems with a One-Upper?

Question

I wrote about this a long time ago, but the situation has just gotten really stupid now. My sister in law (My husband's brother's wife) has not "allowed" me to have a single thing in the world without her having it, too. I got a treadmill, she got jealous and despite being broke had to go get a better one. I bought a Jeep, and this was the time she chose after 10 years of driving the same car to go buy a Jeep. I went back to college, she had to do it, too...but I did distance learning, so she wouldn't go to the actual school...she had to do it at home too. I just had a baby, so she went and convinced her husband that they HAD to get pregnant. She just contacted me with news that they are expecting! They are seriously immature people who have never had a relationship except w/ each other, and are in a bad financial situation (so they say), and she did this out of jealousy! She knows something is upsetting me and wants to know what. Is there any point in even telling her?

Also, when she told me about it, she tried to start a fight with me. She told me on AIM, and when I had to sign off (I have a 2-week-old to take care of) out of nowhere, she started asking questions about why I needed to sign off, and what's bothering me. She knows, and she honestly wants me to be upset about it. It's completely ridiculous.

I don't tell her what I'm doing, but our family all lives very close to each other, so it's hard for them not to find out I got a new car, had a baby, bought a treadmill and all that, because they're always over here.

Answer 1

Probably not. Can you turn your anger into pity? Obviously this woman has no self-respect and serious identity issues. She hates who she is so she wants to be you.
Try to learn to laugh about it and hope that one day she finds her own way. Also, you don't have to tell her EVERYTHING you're up to you know?

Answer 2

I've had that problem before, with many people. It's hard, and with it being your sister-in-law, I don't really know a good way to get her to stop.

When it was my husband's best friend (a female), she was jealous we were dating, so she would do everything we did, with another guy. When I got pregnant, she got pregnant. When we moved, she insisted they move, even though her baby's dad was in the military. My husband mentioned we might get married, she got married three months later. Eventually, she ended up divorced with two kids by two different dads, living at home with her mom, working as a waitress with nothing beyond a high school degree.

It irritated me to no end. WHY did she do this? Then it occured to me-she wanted my life. I had a stable relationship, a wonderful guy, my kid didn't have colic, etc. She was trying to recreate my life for herself, but it didn't work out in the end. Now that it's been one or two years since she's tried to 'one-up' me (how do you top twins, a four-bedroom house, and seven years with the same guy?), it doesn't bother me so much anymore.

I know it's harder with a sister-in-law (I have one of those) because she hears everything from her husband, or an aunt, or the MIL, so it's not as though you can hide anything; even if you do, it makes you look strange or 'bad'. Just know, in your own head and your own heart, that she's jealous of your life. And until she tries to figure out what will actually work for her in her life, she won't be happy.

Answer 3

I had a friend who did this to me. It basically made me push her away until we were no longer friends. I think she eventually got her own identity. So I think the main thing here is to keep your sense of humor. When she does this stuff, just roll your eyes and live your life. She'll eventually figure out she's not you. Personally, I'd distance myself from any future doppelgangers. I know she's your husband's brother's wife, but that doesn't mean you have to be best friends. It also doesn't mean she needs to know what you're doing all the time. The less she knows about the goings on in your life, the better off she is (financially at least from what you're saying).

Answer 4

I have a cousin who has done this with my siste for decades. Instead of getting mad my sister has fun with it. She sends out a rumor that she is going to get something (something she has no intention of getting) so when my cousin hears it she runs out and gets it.
You should tell someone in the family your going to move across the country (make it a specific place), or that your going to buy a beach house (at a specific place) or something grandiose and see what happens. Or go test drive a super expensive car and drop by her place to show them and say you just bought it. Then return it.
You might as well have some fun with this. My sister does.

Answer 5

Don't give her the satisfaction! I know it's easy to say ignore her, so don't try. However you can have some fun with it.

Start dropping hints around that you are purchasing/doing something new. Even go so for as to get literature regarding it. Then sit back and wait until she buys/does it. Then move on.

If you let her get to you, you will not be able to enjoy anything new or different in your life for fear of her trying to out-do you. Life's too short to worry about her.

I say make it fun and sit back and enjoy! Good luck.

Answer 6

Stop telling her your business/plans and she won't be able to do this. She probably just thinks whatever you are doing is "the thing to do" and is trying to keep up. She is probably insecure. Also, I've done all of those things recently and I don't even know you. Everyone is getting preggo and going to school and buying automobiles. Avoid them and develop other people with whom to associate. Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 7

Tell her you decided to dye your hair purple and orange and are going to get a tattoo of a naked man on your face. Bend her ear numerous times about this. Sell her on the idea and see how fast she races off to do this herself.

Answer 8

Sure - you could tell her, but I wouldn't hold your breath that it would do much good. Just be there for the child - I feel sorry for it already

Answer 9

The big problem here is with you, not her.

What do you care, just go on with your own life, and quit trying to outdo your sistr-in-law. They are emulating you( she needs a treadmill, I probably do too)

Answer 10

you should say something.whether she listens or not,you may feel better.I've learned keeping things bottled up may cause you to be "short tempered" in other parts of your life.you just can't change how other people act.tell her your feelings,she may not realize her actions are upsetting to you.