Children in Restaurants?

Question

I know in advance that I am going to get 'lit up' for this. However, this is an etiquette question that plagues people every day. I'd like to get some answers from both sides of the fence on this one.

Is it appropriate for parents to bring their children into all restaurants? Even fancy ones? How about if the children are badly behaved and scream/cry/throw food?

Should other diners be able to complain?

I know a lot of parents think that the whole world is as in love with their children as they are, but don't you think there should be consideration for childless diners, or for fancy restaurants? For example, if you are paying $200 a plate for dinner, shouldn't it be your right to not have a screaming toddler in your ear?

What are some solutions to this problem?

Questions?

Comments?

This happened to me last weekend -

We were out at a nice restaurant (had to wear a dress /jacket and tie, and was upscale priced (date night). A couple with a 2-3 year old and a 4-5 year old were seated near us. I didn't have a problem with it until the younger one started crying and screaming, and the older one started begging for a certain menu item. After about 5-10 minutes of this, I *politely* asked the couple if they could please calm their children down. They were so hateful! They accused me of hating children, and refused to do anything. I sat back down, and the kids got even louder. After about 10 more minutes, my boyfriend asked the waiter if we could be moved, but since the restaurant was full, we couldn't. I asked the waiter if he could ask the couple to silence their children. He did, but nothing happened. Is this fair at all? I don't think so. Our date night was completely ruined.

Answer 1

Restaurants have the right to refuse service, as they are privately owned and operated. It depends on them whether they will allow children. Likely, if many of the other customers are complaining and threatening never to come again, the owners will likely ask the parents to leave. If not, they often do not.

Some children, however, are very well-behaved and would not be a nuisance in even the finest restaurant. They are taught manners well and try to act in a respectful manner. They are a joy to have in nicer restaurants.

The children who are not well-behaved are often so because they do not like the restaurant in question. In that case, it is almost abuse for the parents to bring them anyway.

As for what you should do if you are enjoying a nice restaurant's dignified ambience and it is suddenly spoiled by a screaming child, feel free to complain to the management. Sometimes they can be very accomodating, doing one of three things: asking the customer with the child to leave, offering to make your meal that day free, or offering to let you return another time for free. If they do none of the above, never return to the restaurant for it is their customer service that is lacking.

Answer 2

Ok. This is a tough one. First I would say, if I were the parents of those kids then I would certainly silence them politely and if they didn't cooperate I would remove them from that atmosphere. I believe that those type of restaurants have the same environment as a library. I used to work in a very fancy restaurant--I don't know any place that charges $200 per plate, but if there were I would say-"tie required, no children under 10."
Second, you are entitled to a peaceful meal for sure, every time I have been into one of these places I can barely make out the conversation of the table next to me. If your date was ruined, maybe for a reason, however, you truly control your environment and senses so next time this occurs don't let it get to you and try not to interfere with the situation for fear that it may aggravate or escalate things. As for the parents..shame on them for not controlling their children in a fancy place, and shame on them for turning the tables on you. Apple doesn't fall far from their children to them. Can't effect change for those who care less about anyone but themselves in an environment like that. I would have gotten the manager or matre D and if nothing was done walked out before receiving my meal or left it not eaten and not paid for.

These curve balls that we run into in life are for a reason and should not be questioned, however, we are entitled to opinion and emotion...this one definitely takes the cake, I hope you skipped the dessert and lightly tipped your waiter for negligence.

~sas

Answer 3

I'll start by saying I don't have children. I don't like misbehaving children even at Walmart. However...

I don't think restaurants in general should disallow children. Some kids are very well behaved. Although I have no idea why people would bring kids to an upscale restaurant since they cannot appreciate it, and should anticipate that they will create mayhem if they are young.

If the restaurant has an atmosphere they want to maintain then THEY should ask the parents of the misbehaving children to take action or be asked to leave. YOU should not. You can point out the problem to the restaurant. You can asked to be moved. You can also take your business elsewhere and let the restaurant owner know why.

Answer 4

I am a parent of 4 children aged almost 7 to 11. My kids are very well-behaved for their ages. Altho I have brought them to a very nice restaurant on the waterfront once, it was for lunch, not dinner, and it wasn't what I'd call "fine dining" (20 to 40 bucks a plate). And I expected them to be on their best behavior. At the time, my youngest was 4.
I would NOT bring young children to a fancy, expensive restaurant (even if I could afford to!!). Mine are old enough to go to one now, I think, but I could never afford it!

Fancy restaurants are for fine dining and calm or romantic outings. People should only bring their kids there if they are old enough to respect the atmosphere most diners are seeking. And they should be prepared to leave in the event the kids get out of hand.

Restaurants DO have the right to not allow children. They have the right to run a business that caters to people who are looking for a CHILD-FREE dining experience. Anyone who thinks it's wrong is free to not patronize those establishments.

Diners seeking a calmer atomphere can call ahead and inquire about the policy regards kids, or they can complain and not patronize a restaurant that doesn't handle noisy children as they feel is appropriate.

Lastly, even at MacDonald's, children shouldn't be screaming endlessly or running wildly about or throwing food. Child-friendly doesn't mean kids should be allowed to get disruptive and out of hand. At the same time, with certain ages, one should expect to hear a tantrum or 2.

Answer 5

There shouldn't be a rule against children, but the parents should know whether their child can handle a restaurant. My parents would take me out to fancy restaurants ever since I was little and I never had to take the kids' menu; please don't call me a snob but I've always loved gourmet food and never cared much for burgers and fries even when I was young. It's definitely not true that young kids can't appreciate the food, I know that from my own experience, we didn't go that often but I loved it! But I was a very quiet kid too, I've only called out one time in a restaurant. We'd gone to a Chinese restaurant and it was very busy, the food took more than half an hour, the adults were getting impatient too.. I started to bang my spoon and called 'Chinaman, chinaman!'.. even then my parents immediately stopped me. If I had started to cry or was loud at any time they would've taken me outside, and they never allowed me to walk around. I'm glad they took me to restaurants and taught me to appreciate good food.

Answer 6

If I go to a fast food or "family-friendly" restaurant, I know I've signed up for a meal with children making a certain level of noise. That's OK -- I'll eat my burger and get out quick. My expectations are set by the price and the nature of the restaurant. Even in these restaurants, I don't think it's ever OK for children to be running around, screaming, or throwing food.

It's not fair to anyone to take kids to a "fancy" restaurant. It's certainly no fun for the kids, and it's REALLY not fair to the other diners -- it's not just the childless diners who are irritated -- it's also parents who have paid babysitters and are out for a rare night of adult peace and quiet. If I were in such a place with a toddler screaming in my ear, I would have a word with the manager about being reseated somewhere quiet.

Answer 7

You're tackling a tough question that probably doesn't have a perfect answer but I don't think you should be "lit up". It's definitely an issue.

I think diners should have the right to complain about ANY situtation. Not only are they paying for a meal, but atmosphere and an escape from home as well. Parents of small children don't always view their kids as interruptive and don't always teach them appropriate manners.

A local restaurant in my town has divided dining areas. There are some family spots that are 3/4 enclosed which keeps them to themselves. However, this restaurant doesn't serve $200.00 plates. But this may be a good solution for restaurants who want to serves its nosy, family patrons as well as their quiet couple patrons.

Answer 8

I'm so sorry that your lovely dinner was ruined.Had it have been me and the Mother said that you must not like kids...I'd have said very clearly that I did like well behaved children and yours are certainly not ! Some people really do think that all the world loves their kids.....WRONG ! If a child can not behave they should not be taken to places like that.I do not blame you for how you feel ! A star for you !If a child does not behave in a restaurant it is not their fault...it is the parents for putting them in a situation they can handle at that young age.

Answer 9

I work in a restaurant and have a child... I know exactly what you mean. I think that parents should ALWAYS take their kids out of ANY restaurant if they are screaming... No one wants to hear kids scream and cry, especially when they are not their own. Some people don't get many chances to go out and want to enjoy it when they do...

THANK YOU!!

Answer 10

I agree with you completely. I understand that people with kids have to eat and have the right eat where ever they want but one kid can easily ruin 50 peoples evening.

A friend of mine and I went out and she had to jump through hoops to get a baby sitter. We went out to a nice upscale place and got sat next to someone with a screaming (then food flinging) kid. We asked to be moved and they couldn't do anything. The kid ended up getting spaghetti sauce all over her (and a little on mine) dress. We told the manager and refused to pay. You don't pay $30 for a babysitter, $100 for a dress, and $100 per meal to get it flung on by a 3 year old! There are plenty of places that are family friendly. I wish they did to them what the airlines have been doing to people who can't control their kids.

Another place I was down right pi**ed to see a kid is Lover Package. Those of you who are un-familiar with this place, they check your ID when you walk in to make sure you are over 18. I don't car if she is with her parent, the rule is just as much for other customers as it is for the kids!