I am 21years old I left my house when I was 17 Should I move back in with my mother??

Question

I moved out when i was 17yrs old with my ex-boyfriend I got into drugs and at 20yrs old i ended up in rehab. My ex boyfriend got deported to honduras for selling drugs. The only reason I left my house is because my mother and I used to fight about my ex. Well he is out the picture now. I am now married to a wonderful hardworking man, My mother is going through finanical problems and wants us to move in to help her pay half the rent. I would benefit because I am having a new baby and it would really help me out a lot. I am just scared about arguing with her or my little sister she is 12 and argues with my kids non stop. I want to help my mom cuz she always been there for me, But i am scared of problems arguing. What should I do??

Answer 1

Talk to your mom about your concerns. She'll be aware of them and you can work on it when you move back in

Answer 2

a mom's support is always nice...and like you said, your ex-boyfriend is out of the picture..however, it doesn't mean that things will always be sunshine and rainbows...it never is
how does your husband feel about moving in with your mom?? this is your chance to help your mom when she needs you, but if your other half is reluctant, you'll argue with him about things and you may end up damaging the relationship.
maybe tell your mother that you will move in for a little while and then see how it goes. remember to have an open mind, and that the first few days will not be a good representation of the next few months or years.
you also now have a family, and you need to make sure that you and your husband will have the say in decisions about your kids, not your mother...she can give her opinion but she cannot over-write your decisions.
try to be calm and handle differences by talking about it, not arguing and yelling, as that is not good for the kids.
if it doesnt work out, you can always try to find another place.
or maybe you can try to help your mom out financially, without moving in.
hope everything works out :)

Answer 3

That's a tough one!!!
I moved out when I was 13...
Remember WHY you left in the first place -EXACTLY WHY!!! -Just because it's been several years (& 'that boyfriend' is out of the picture,) doesn't mean everything will now be O.K.! I don't mean to sound 'negative', just being 'real'. Moving back in w/parents can be wonderful -all around -OR -it can be Hell on Earth!!!(Been there...) Things become particularly complicated when you have kids of your own!
Maybe you should sit down and talk w/each other -set definate 'boundaries'('ground rules'?), let one another know what is 'expected', what is 'acceptable'; what everyone is 'willing' & 'able' to 'contribute' to living in that situation! If 'issues' and 'concerns' are all put out in the open, right from the start, then informed decisions can be made...
Always remember -LOVE one another!!!! (N0-one is perfect!)

Answer 4

Tell you Mother how you feel and it is your job to iron out all the rough spots BEFORE you move in so that you and your Mother will know and understand what is expected of you both. If your Mother could use your help, it would be a good thing, if you expect your 12 year old sister to baby sit for your children then you should not do this at all. Your Mother deserves to know what she is getting into and so do you, so if you do this, be sure you are doing it for the right reasons. It would be nice to help your Mother and her financial problems as long as they do not become YOUR problems. How does your husband feel about all of this. Don't you think that HE should be included in the conversation about where you are going to live and with who and what it involves HIM in?

Answer 5

I think you need to sit down with your husband and weigh the benefits with the downfalls before you move in with your mom. I think the type of situation you describe could possibly put alot of emotional strain on your relationship with your husband. Also, you are moving into her house and she may expect you to live by her rules even though you are helping her out. It is tough for a lot of parents to get over the fact that you are not a kid anymore and you are a grown adult capable of making your own decisions. Personally, I know I wouldnt be able to live with my mother again and we get along pretty good. People's habits dont change. If you mother and sister argue alot now they will probably argue even more when you are there since more people in a small space can breed bad feelings. Anyway, wish you luck.

Answer 6

I think the decision should be up to your husband !

Have you thought about what it is to live with your mother in law every day?

Would you want to live with his Mom every day ?

He should decide .... , and try to send her extra $ if you have it ....or let the dad raise the 12 year old and you take the mother in for a year and she can be the nanny etc.


Good luck but let him make the decision and don't try to manipulate his thinking ....which women are so often fond of doing ....

Congratulations on quitting drugs ...
did you apologize and tell her she was right all along and you were the jerk?
that might be the most healing and help you can do for your Mom if you have not done that yet .

Answer 7

Living with family almost never works out. Yes it might have it's upsides but will end in disaster! Don't do it.
If you do decide to give it a try you better talk about all the issues that your afraid of before moving in. Maybe your mom would be more aware of your sister starting trouble. If your mother really needs your help then she will help to make it work for everyone involved. But I still say it isn't a good idea.

Answer 8

You should sit down and have an adult conversation with your mom. Tell her you would like to move in and it would be beneficial to both of you. Tell her your concerns about the possible arguements. You two can draw up a contract (rules you both agree to) to make this move happen.

Here are some things to take into consideration:
1. don't take each other for granted.
2. apologize for old issues (ie. moving out, fights, drugs, etc.)
3. budget/rent: you pay 50% of rent, utilities, groceries, etc...
4. your room(s) is off limits to her and her room(s) is off limits to you, shared areas like kitchen, living room, family room, laundry, f yard, b yard, etc... have common courtesy rules.
5. you two can take turns watching each others kids while the other work or go out.
6. tell your mom that you appreciate her experience as a mom but would like for her to respect your views mothering your own baby.

Good luck. I hope this experience will be positive and make you guys a very close, happy family.

Answer 9

u should definetly move back in with her the arguing u cant guarantee it wont happen but u will get used to it and get over it faster then before. the little sister thing all little sisters are like that just realize u are a grown married woman who's matured enough to tell ur sister to behave or whatever even though u might feel like u cant tell her anything because u were away from them for a while doesnt mean u cant. it will be easier for u ur baby and ur husband

Answer 10

If it helps both of you to move in, that's fine. But - set some ground rules and a time limit first. Six months is the max and in return for her helping with the baby, you help with the rent, etc.....

As for arguing with your little sister, spend some time getting to know her better. Help her to avoid some of the mistakes you made. If you show some interest in her, the fighting might be minimized.

Answer 11

Have a little pre-move in pow wow. Find out what the rules are going to be, and where you and your kid's space is. Make sure your kids have a spot to go to if Little Sister gets antagonistic. Make sure their games and TV are in there.

Make sure Little Sister understands that these areas are off limits to her. And her room is off limits to the kids.

Agree with Mom as to how the days are to go. What nights are you cooking, who is going to do the dishes, how do you want to split/contribute to groceries.

See if Little Sister wants to join a club or the after school program. Usually the program has snack, academic support, and interaction time for the kids. They can also opt to have dinner there.

I required my son to go to at least the Academic Support so we didn't have homework issues. He could opt out on the rest, but not Academic Support.

Find out who parents Little Sister. Do you take issues to Mom or address them yourselves?

Is hubby responsible for lawn maintenence and trash? What is expected of him?

Ask your mom and sister to write down the scenario of how they think this is going to work. You do the same. Then have a couple of family pow wows. Work out the details.

It's not going to prevent every situation from happening, but it will give you a grip on the obvious ones.

Good luck, dear....and God Bless you and yours.