My relationship w/ mom broke up 2 years ago. I, was immature, joined bad friends. I apologized, promised to change and meant it but she didn't trust me, I got a harsh punishment. I begged for her trust, she said I had to abide by the consequences of my mistake. It wasdevastating to hear this from my mom. I really loved her and her trust was important, for months I suffered a lot. Then I got over, found comfort and trust with people I joined in volunteering activities w/ children. Mom lost my love. This Sunday there was a small party at the school where I work w/ children, they like me and decided to please me with a simple but touching party just for me. They asked me to bring my parents but I didn't. It was wonderful, the best moment of my life. Mom got to know about the party and got kinda hurt cause I didn't invite her. Well, she didn't trust me when I needed her most, so why would I invite her to something so important to me but that has absolutely nothing to do w/ her?
2007-07-31 07:31:48 · 23 answers · asked by Tania 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Why would she want to go to that party if she was so cruel to me and said she didn't trust me? Anyway, it'd be kinda painful to me if she was there
2007-07-31 07:34:23 · update #1
Mom's right. When you make bad choices, you have to suffer the consequences--in all aspects of life. Sometimes the consequences are that you lose someone’s trust and then you have to earn it back.
But because you had to suffer the consequences of YOUR actions/choices, Mom 'lost your love'. You're blaming for her your mistakes. That's extremely childish and immature. Grow up.
And yes, you should have invited her.
2007-07-31 08:31:35 · answer #1 · answered by kp 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Telling you she didn't trust you wasn't cruel it was the truth. Trust isn't a given, you have to earn it- especially when you lost it because of your own actions. She has a different perspective on this situation. She probably thinks that the fact that she called you on your behavior helped you turn around and get involved in the volunteering. She loves you and wants to see you succeed in life. I'm sure she's very proud of you now! if you thought your punishment was too harsh you should have talked to her rationally about it then but honestly it sounds like she thought the problem was resolved and had no idea you were still holding onto the punishment. I would bet, if you talked to her now, you would find out that your recent behavior earned her trust back.
2007-07-31 07:43:58 · answer #2 · answered by LB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand you not wanting to invite your parents. Sure, okay, so you messed up a while back. Moms are supposed to be there for you no matter what. That doesn't mean that they don't get disappointed, angry or hurt sometimes by the things we do. However, it sounds like she may have been using rejection tactics as manipulative gestures, you know to get you to perform the way she thought you should. It also sounds like they backfired on her. She also violated YOUR trust when, as your mom, she backed away from you. Sounds like you've both made some mistakes.
The good news is that her response to her not being invited to the party means that she does at least still care. Take comfort in knowing that your mom still cares for you. She's the "mom" though. Let her take some of the initiative. The mending of your relationship isn't only on you shoulders.
2007-07-31 07:52:20 · answer #3 · answered by Scottie 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
ok, so you broke her trust (which hurt her), but now you're angry at her and say she 'lost [your] love' because you were punished? listen kiddo, as a parent, it's her job to try to teach you right from wrong. that's what punishment was designed to convey. what you need to do is get over it.. ok, so you screwed up. you were punished. the end. but there's no reason for you to hold a grudge against your mom. she wouldn't have punished you if she didn't care, instead she would've let you do whatever you want regardless of how it may affect your life (drugs=death, crime=jail, etc) without batting an eye. and just because you apologized and promised to change doesn't make what you were punished for in the first place ok. deal with the consequences, and move on. keep your promise and don't do it again.
she will always be your mom. you will never have another one.. you really should try to rebuild your bond with her. what happened seems very petty (based on what you have written) - certainly no reason for you to hold her being/trying to be a responsible parent against her.
believe me, when you grow up, you will look back on this episode as being very immature of you - because it (seriously) is.
2007-07-31 07:53:16 · answer #4 · answered by jae 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She never said you didn't love and care about you did she. Trust is something that you will have to work on over time with her. Once broken the only way to get it back is to earn it. And yes I would have invited her, just get over it and work toward healing the relationship between the two of you. Think how bad you would feel if you lost her suddenly. Would you not feel very stupid for letting this come between you.
2007-07-31 07:50:14 · answer #5 · answered by regina 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you're mom will always love you..no matter what. so don't worry about that. we, as kids, do things sometimes that hurt our parents and we don't realize how bad we messed up until its too late. you're mom was probably really hurt by your actions...and so you need to regain her trust.
however, i don't think it's a good idea to shut your mom out of the wonderful moments in your life, or the problem will never get solved.
talk to her about why you didnt invite her. i know my mom is really hard to talk to about stuff..especially when its her that has done something to hurt me...but it's so important that you talk to her..or you and your mom may never see eye to eye. she is your mother and she raised you to be the wonderful person that you are today..and sure you may have made a few mistakes here and there..but life is about making mistakes and learning from them..
you realized you made a mistake and you learned from it. now you should let your mom know that she made a mistake by never trusting you...and hopefully she will learn from it.
parents are not perfect...so you need to let them make mistakes..because, like us...it is the only way they will learn.
good luck :)
2007-07-31 07:47:37 · answer #6 · answered by Taz 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should invite her any way. You and your mom should just forgive each other and put what happen in the pass. You should invite her to something that is important to you to start a new leaf. So you can show her that you want to move on and that you do want her in your life and you want to be in hers. Don't hold that grudge in the past for ever because all its going to is cause heartaches. You hurt your mom and she hurt you and both of you were wounded from it but its time to let that wounded heal so you guys can have beautiful mother and daughter relationship together. If you and your mom don't won't let that happen you guys are going to regret it in the end. Don't think you guys are going to have this wonderful relation over night, its going to take one step at a time. all that matters is though steps you take move you guys forward in life and you can start by inviting.
2007-07-31 07:40:59 · answer #7 · answered by Sammy B 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
"She didn't trust you when you needed her most" are you kidding me. You are being so immature and extremely selfish. You think you are the only one who is hurt. I am a mother and trust me I know how it feels when your child makes poor decisions. YOu hurt her, she trusted YOU, and you made wrong choices, it broke her heart and on top of that, being a parent she is also blaming herself, thinking what she may have done wrong that led you to those choices, not talk to you enough etc.. Yeah, damn right, you mess up, you pay the price and that is not a mean bad cold parent, that is a parent who loves you enough and cares enough about you to not spoil you and over look your mistake, she punished you to teach you. and I can gaurantee you that a mother punishing their child is no joyful thing, it hurts and it is sooo hard to do and stick to it. You broke her trust, you have to earn it and you don't do that by demanding it or punishing her to get it. You have to be senserily sorry for your mistake and willing to take your punishment and earn thr trust you chose to **** on. She gave birth to you and you are proud that these people threw you a party, wel they aren't the ones who have made a life time of sacrifices for you, she is and you are looking to these other people for exceptance because YOU hurt and broke your mothers trust. You think in 5 yrs. these people will even remember you. You mom will. SHAME ON YOU. I feel sorry for your mother and wish I could give her a big hug. I can't imagine how hurt she must be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-07-31 07:42:23 · answer #8 · answered by Maalru3 6 · 2⤊ 3⤋
deer 15, sorry you had to go through what you did with your mom, please try to understand that all parents think they know the way to raise there children, but the fact is, or should i say look at all your peers at school and see if you notice that over 50 % of them are living with so many issues they try to hide it. but if you look real hard you will see that they as bad as you or worst but don't tell anybody, so kudos to you for reaching out and are trying to figure this delima. first, you have to understand that one of the most difficult times in parents lives are when there children are in there teens and you should try to put yourself in her place and ask here to put herself in your place, trust me it's not easy. i don't know your mom and how much disipline she imposed on you as a child to present. but she loves you and you need to know that and if i were you i would do good in school and get good grades and join an afternoon club where you will keep yourself busy and not fall into the same old pattern of hanging with the wrong people. but remember, do this for yourself more than your mother and you will never regret it. if you mom still has a problem with you, than it not what you did but she's having issues of her own and is taking it out on you,but regardless do good for yourself and watch your self-esteem grow and you will be on your way to a happier you. good luck and think positive cuz remember what you think, postive or negative that's what you will attract
2007-07-31 07:51:37 · answer #9 · answered by zenmenow 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Pretty much, all that.....you need to tell your mom. She needs to know how much it hurt that she still can't trust you, but trust has to be earned back. You need to forgive her, and she needs to forgive you for mistakes, so you can both start over w/ clean slates, and build that relationship back. It's work, it's a concious effort, but it's worth it, right?
2007-07-31 07:38:07 · answer #10 · answered by Dj 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋