Should we help out our married children financially?

Question

My husband and I do okay, my married children not so good. Should we offer to pay some of their bills to help them out, or should we just let it go unless we are asked? BTW, in general they don't go out of their way to spend time with us, but that isn't really the issue. When I was a young married I could have benefitted greatly if my parents had helped us out a bit, but of course they did not.

Answer 1

Well, ask yourself a few questions first. Why are they not doing so well? Are they bad with money? Overspending? If these are the case then giving them a handout won't help them in the long run. They need to be responsible for themselves financially and you just have to hope that you raised them properly and taught them enough about such things. You should save your money for your retirement.
The best gift my parents have ever given me was to prepare for their later years. If I had to help them out financially at this point, I'm not sure what I would do.

Answer 2

You are a kind and generous person, but here put yourself first. Keep the money.

My in-laws have been helping both of my sister-in-laws financially. It has made both of them very dependent on my in-laws and caused friction between the girls and their husbands. Both girls are now divorced, one is living in her parents home (she is 43). It also caused hard feelings with my husband and my brother-in-law, neither of which were offered any financial assistance.

Put any extra money in an interest bearing account and let it add up for you. There may come a time in the future when your gift is really needed -- you will know when that time comes without any question.

Answer 3

i'm constructive each and every person is going to throw a shoe approximately what i'm approximately to declare, yet i think of you may even see the place i decide on it. If she needs to call you an honest-wad, pores and skin-flint, all those grotesque names; start up being one. If she theory you have been being tight with the help of no longer giving her an allowance and identifying to purchase her stuff at a similar time as she spent all her money, supply up identifying to purchase trip trips, lodges, and so on. tell her which you have had adequate of attempting to reason along with her, so which you will take action. Be a complete cheapo. She'll learn which you have been being very very beneficiant with each and every thing you have been doing. it is going to reason subject concerns, yet while she is clever, she would have the capacity to understand which you have been doing plenty and that she needs to get excitement from it. with the help of rule of thumb, approximately 10% of each and every paycheck ought to be positioned aside, and adequate money ought to be set forward to run the kin for approximately 6 months if somebody ought to lose their job, and so on. good success and that i actual wish it works out for you. EDIT: somebody stated that once you're making thrice the money, you ought to pay thrice the expenses. it particularly is genuine. you cant assume her to pay a million/2 of $4000 if she's basically making $1600 a month. Ration it out the place this is truthful, proportion clever. supply her the area of the expenses. because of the fact a similar guy or woman stated, she will't bypass spending all her money on nonessentials and then assume you to do each and every thing else.

Answer 4

Here it is from my point of view as the married child. My husband and I also struggle financially, and while it would be nice for our folks to help out (they have offered) I'd rather get the swing of things on our own. Your children need to learn to budget and work with what they have, in order to grow and mature in the finalncial part of life. Everyone has to deal with struggles at some point, and this is just another one of those times that even if it hurts to watch them struggle they need to get through it on their own.

Answer 5

I think that unless you are asked to help out with the bills you should not do it. It is great that you are worried, but it sounds like they are trying to do things on their own, and you should be proud of that. If it gets to the point of them losing their home or having utilities shut off then step in and help without being asked.

Answer 6

If you can afford it than you should try to offer it they may be embarrased to ask for help maybe they feel like they will burden you with their problems you could also ask if they need any help with the kids or something (I would love it if my mom would offer to help with my kids but there is 10 grandkids between us 4 girls so its not that easy and she works full time) but I hate asking for help I only ask if I am absolutly desperate and have no other choice.

Answer 7

I just want to say that, thank God my mother has helped me out now and then over the past years of my life. I don't know what I would have done without help when things got really bad. She used to say to me, "What is the point of hanging on to it until I die? If you need the money now, then I want to give it to you and help you out now." I may not be able to repay her everything she has given me, but I love her to pieces, and I am always there for her when she needs help. I hope that as my children become adults, as long as the need is genuine and not for bad things, that I can help them too.

Answer 8

i would say if you feel their kids need shoes, food or clothing, it wouldn't hurt to help in that way.. but i'd ask if they wouldn't mind if you helped first.

sometimes parents give and give and give and adult children will come to expect constant help. there is a limit.

i think it's kind of you to offer to help...

another thing you could do is let them know if they are struggling, you'd like to help them this one time? maybe that is another idea.

it's entirely up to you. very kind of you also.

Answer 9

My parents helped us when we were first married. We never asked for help, but it was always appreciated when they did help. If you feel that you want to help then do it, but be selective in the way you help. We in turn have helped our children, but we help in areas that we think will be of benefit to them.

Answer 10

Nope - let them grow up and weather some ups and downs on their owns. It will help them mature and be more thankful for what they can get on their own.