smoking around children....HELP?

Question

my m/f in law are both heavy smokers. my problem is that my children spend a great deal of time at their home (we live right behind them) my husband and i have tried talking to them many times to no avail. they do not believe second hand smoke hurts you..... my father in law who had open heart surgery and quit smoking for a short time STILL doesn't see in harm in it. they KNOW how we feel. to them there is "no proof" that second hand smoke is bad. of course, i talk about what the drs say but they just blow me off...they will not smoke outside when my kids are there. i am starting college in a few weeks so they will have my 2 younger children during the day and i am SICK about leaving them there. how can i approach this subject with them again...i can't keep the kids away from them. it's not fair to the children.WHAT AM I TO DO?
i can't take them to daycare becasue it's to expensive (i've checked) and we have no one else. they are good people and i love them very much....what can i do

during the summer they are outside all day so this time of the year i have no problems. its when it turns cold and they are indoors

thanks in advance

soworthmytime:
you give good advice. however, when i was working full time i looked into day care for my 3 children..TOO EXPENSIVE..187.50 each week. leaving me with 45.00. this is why i am not working. i would be paying out more in child care than i would be bringing home. i have no cable or cell phone.

i have spoke to them about smoking outside they refuse to even do that when they are there.

i appreciate the input and i WILL look into assistance. i had not even thought about trying to get help with that. usually my husband makes too much money for things like that. but it's worth a try...THANKS AGAIN

Answer 1

It's time for some tough love...tell them that you refuse to put your children's health at risk if they smoke indoors with the children present! If they want to smoke themselves to death, that's fine, but your healthy children shouldn't have their futures compromised by their selfish habit. Lie if you must, but get the message across that you'll forbid them from babysitting or even visiting the kids if they don't make some small changes (& it IS a small change) to their lifestyle if they want to help with the kids. Prepare for the worse, look harder for low-cost childcare --are there neighbors or religious affiliations around (churches are good resources). Hopefully, they'll get the hint. You & your husband are responsible for your children health & well-being. Print out some info from the American Lung Association & show it to them. Second-hand smoke HAS been proven to be linked to childhood asthma, etc. Maybe if they see it in black & white, they'll think of their grandkids instead of their nicotine addition. All they have to do is SMOKE OUTSIDE, not much to ask. And it IS fair to your children -- especially their futures -- have them ask their grandparents to stop polluting the air they breathe! BE STRONG, BE FIRM. Good luck.

Answer 2

I think you need to stand up for your children who can't, show your in-laws pictures off the internet of an autopsy of a smokers lung and a second hand smokers lungs. Then ask them if they want their grand children to look like this. Give them the satisics on how many children have lung cancer. Tell them you love them and that you would like them to quite but you understand it is hard and the only thing you are asking them to do is smoke outside and not around the children. You are going to have to make a hard decission is going to school more important than your childrens health. I personally would not allow the grand parents to watch the children. I wouldn't tell them that they couldn't see the children, but only let them see the children while you are there, and every time they light up take the children into another room or outside. You are the parent and you and your husband have to stand up for what you believe in, wheather they believe it or not.

Answer 3

I would lie and say that one of your kids has asthma, so while they are there - NO SMOKING. Just say it like you would any instructions.

You cannot have your kids in this environment, or they WILL end up with breathing problems.

I did by best to stand up to my inlaws and they did the same thing. End result? My son suffered with asthma until he was 14. He had trouble participating in school gym class, could never go out for sports, and was in the ER several times a year when a "cold" would agravate his asthma.

I should have found different daycare, but I thought like you- it's too expensive. Well- most people do it? You just don't want to spend the money on that, and you must realize - this is the most important bill you will have.

Cancel your internet and cable, throw out your cell phones, shop at Aldi's and thrift stores, and work full-time. It is possible.

Answer 4

My husband and I are not wealthy people and we definitely pinch every penny that leaves our hands lol But there is one thing in our lives we do NOT allow cost to influence and that is the health of our children!!

In your case I would say you should really find different childcare. I know it is hard to pass up on a free babysitter...but it is obvious your in-laws refuse to hear the truth about second hand smoke. If you honestly can not afford childcare, there are assistance programs available to help with the costs! I would recommend you contact your social services offices to find out more information.

Since you obviously can't tell your in-laws not to smoke in their own home, I would also instate a rule that my children are not allowed in their grandparent's home. Period. If your in-laws want to spend time with your children, they can walk across the yard to your home where you can enforce a no-smoking rule.

Answer 5

There is no way I would leave my kids in a house that people would be smoking in. It sounds like you've done all the talking you can, and they are refusing to listen. For the health and safety of your children, you cannot allow them into their house. I know its not fair to the kids to keep them away from their grandparents, but its more not fair to expose them to CANCER!!! I would tell your in laws that if they want to see the kids, it has to be outside only if they insist on smoking (and I wouldn't even like that, but its a compromise). And you are going to have to make some concessions for the care of your children while you are in college - its worth the expense, I cannot even fathom exposing my kids constantly to second hand smoke, it causes cancer and other health problems!!! And who knows, maybe your inlaws will take it more seriously if they see you mean business. Good luck!!

Answer 6

You may love them and they certainly love their grandkids, but for the sake of your children's health keep them distant from them. If they really want to see their grandkids the will do something about it. It's like my mom and dad don't keep a clean house ( i mean it is filthy) and they don't care if mold is growing in the kitchen or if their dogs potty on the floor. I will not let my son stay there because they know my position on that and they refuse to admit they need to at least keep the home child friendly. They can see him when they like but it will be at either my home or a mutual place to meet. There are somethings I'm not willing to expose my son to and for you that thing should be second hand smoke. Why can't they smoke outside if it's that big of a deal?

Answer 7

See if they have a daycare at your college, some will offer free or discounted services if you volunteer to help once a week. It just isn't worth compromising your childrens' health. Maybe if you make the statement by not having them babysit anymore, they will understand how important this is for you and stop smoking around them. I know it is hard because you feel dependent on them for childcare, but look into state progmams and remember that you get income tax credit for childcare costs. Keep looking for another option because your children's health is at stake here.

Don't think if you keep your children from them that it will be a permanent thing. In the long run they will have to come around. You have to put your foot down. This is very important. Your children will understand if one day you explain that "we love grandma and grandpa, but they smoke and that is bad for us, so we can't see them until they stop doing that around us".

Answer 8

If you are worried then ask them to not smoke or smoke outside their hous while the children are there. They need to respect your wishes as their parent. Secondly you could maybe invest in an air purifier. They work real well and you can't tell anyone smokes ever in the home with that. I have an aunt that bought one. She smokes all day with emphyzema and oxygen tanks around her. But when you wall in you couldn't tell because of the purifier.

Answer 9

you need to dig up some hard evidence on the second hand smoke issue -- even if it means getting the kids lungs x-rayed or something. . .
get stories from the internet where people suffered because of second hand smoke. . .especially children!!!
YOU NEED TO CONFRONT THEM AND BE SERIOUS ABOUT IT -- tell them these kids are our future!!
and you don't want them growing up thinking cigs are no big deal .. . they wil start smoking and then what? you know?
day care might be better too -- because they (the grandparents - who ever they are)might see how serious you are!!

Answer 10

i had the same problem my mom wanted to always smoke around my baby and i fianly told her look if you dont not stop smokeing around my daughter then you will no longer see her and thats that. needlees to say see got mad at first but she came around and now she dosnt come close to my daughter with a cig.