So I grew up in Michigan with a mother who has been a poor decision maker and has let herself get walked on and taken advantage of several times, and lower income considering the size of our family (6 kids, im the oldest). I moved out when I was 17. When I turned 21 I moved to Arizona with my best friends, I got a great job. I'm now almost 24 and have worked very hard and now have a six figure income, I'm having my first house built and have met a great girl, all from nothing things are going great for me. My dilema is that my mother is still in the same rut, shes allowing my 19 year old brother, who has had a kid with his 18 yr old gf btw, freeload and do drugs at her house while my other younger siblings are there.When I talk to her on the phone, she just blames everything on everyone else, and she never takes action to make things better. I can't take it anymore, I can't afford to sacrifice what I have to support them, I dont want this in my life, is it ok to cut her out of my life?
2007-07-31 07:01:27 · 7 answers · asked by Will H 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Oh, in response to the one answer, I will always support my siblings, in fact im going to send money to my little sister so she can attend a band field trip. Honestly, I'm afraid my mother might be spending the money on drugs also, I dont believe in having to drag someone out of a rut they couldve prevented, I'll always love her, but I cant have this right now, I agree with the first couple of answers, I think she'll figure things out and cut her losses once she is tested.
2007-07-31 07:24:21 · update #1
You don't need to support them but you really do need to be a role model to your younger siblings and make sure they know that they are in this situation because of the choices she made. You might even offer them some help in getting out of the rut themselves. I'm not sure what you can do for the 19 year old from so far away but there is still hope for the younger ones if they want it.
Keep your contact with your mother limited but don't cut your siblings out.
Congratulations on making good choices of your own!
2007-07-31 07:15:37 · answer #1 · answered by LB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is your mother she brought you into this world and if it wanst for her you wouldnt be where you are today. In my opinion you are being selfish ! if you dont want to give her money then maybe give her the tools to make her life better for herself and your siblings Maybe pay for counseling or some classes they can go to or take a trip back home and see how you can help or pay for drug treatment or find somewhere for them to go for free for drug treatment You need to grow up and have compassion for your family. How would you feel if your kids grew up and judged you for mistakes you made and cut you out of their lives (and every parent makes mistakes) ? So just get her some counseling or something just remember you have to live with whatever decision you make how would you feel if something happend to one of them and the last thing said between you guys was not good?
2007-07-31 07:15:21 · answer #2 · answered by freckleface 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations on rising above some tough circumstances!
It is nice that you care about your family, but as far as financial support goes, it seems that your mother has demonstrated that money cannot fix any of the problems she has in her life. She is an adult, and she has managed without your money or your input for many years. Why deprive her of the dignity of living as she chooses? You should not be supporting her.
Gifts are another matter. Feel free to do nice things for your family (on your terms, not theirs). Birthday gifts, wedding presents, housewarming gifts (hint, hint), help with trips out to visit you, and celebrations for good report cards are all things that show you care, which don't involve your supporting unhealthy lifestyle choices.
Good luck!
2007-07-31 07:54:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
they always your family. And you can not cut your mother out of your life. She your mother and who give birth to you. and raise you..
you can always send money to your mom or your brother to have them take care of your other brother and sister.
There always going to be sacrifice in life.
But they not asking you to move back. your sibling need food and clothing. You should have family close friend to help them out. Sometime life is not fair. You would wanted your sibling to have better life. or you can take your mom to court and get custody of your sibling that is still young. you can talk to your sibling and ask what they think.
2007-07-31 07:13:21 · answer #4 · answered by babyg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't cut her out ... offer her an apartment that you will pay for but only if she lives there alone without free-loaders. She's your mother - take care of her as she did for you when you were a baby who couldn't do anything for yourself. Family is important, try all you can to keep yours together. If your younger brother can get a job then he can take care of himself but it sounds as if your mother needs some help making the decisions in her life - help her make them.
2007-07-31 07:08:36 · answer #5 · answered by Amy L 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
please take care of YOU.
you can let your mother know that you don't feel it's healthy or morally sound to allow your brother and girlfriend to live together in HER home, even if it's none of your business (your mother tells you about it, so you have the right to express your feelings).
your mother needs to boot them OUT and take care of herself. apparently, she likes drama and problems? otherwise, she'd have stopped all the problems and drama in her life long ago.
i'm very PROUD OF YOU for what you've accomplished.
you have to decide what makes your life emotionally "safe".. and if breaking family ties is what it takes, then do it for yourself.
sending hugs and hope
2007-07-31 07:08:00 · answer #6 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that it is ok. i know that its hard because its your mom but sometimes that is what it takes for her to wake up and realize what she had to do. i had a similar situation with my dad and it was after i distanced myself from him that he actually changed..it was the toughest decision of my life but now looking back im glad that i had the strength to make that decision. i hope everything works out.
2007-07-31 07:06:26 · answer #7 · answered by B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋