My girl broke up with me a week ago, because we had a little fight over me complaining. I was upset about some people's reactions to a band performance I had. She said I need to learn to "be happy without her." I know that I had been complaining too much, and I feel really bad about it. I tried to tell her it wasn't a good idea at first, and I didn't want to be just "friends" but then I went along with her wishes. We hung out Friday. I even made a joke reguarding sex and right away she said she can't help being sexually attracted to me. I paid for dinner and a movie, we went to the park. I told her at the end of the night I love her, and she said the same, but I didn't kiss her. She had a really good time though. The next few nights we have talked but I haven't been saying "I love you" until I sent her an email tonight. I don't know if I should continue to do so or not. I just want her back but don't want to sound needy really. She did say she wants to continue our park outing some night and do a bunch of other things as well together. I just don't understand if we really are just friends now or not. Even though initially she said she had made up her mind about breaking up. I said the other night casually that I wasn't given a fair chance, and she said she was "watching me." I turned that conversation into "goodnight" though. I don't know what to do next. Should I stop writing to her?
Also, when I changed my status on myspace to "divorced" she changed hers to that as well, but her facebook still say's "single." Would it be most likely that she will be too embarassed or feel she looks weak if she gets back with me and her friends know? Btw, we dated for 2 years.
2007-07-31 06:46:19 · 16 answers · asked by Mint Car 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I don't think she broke up with me because of one little thing. It was really an accumulation of me being hard on myself about muiltiple things. I have social anxiety as well, so I often feel like I'm being judged and she got tired of me complaining.
2007-07-31 06:55:15 · update #1
Hi there, hoping my input (and everyone else's) can bring some clarity.
(Before I begin, let me say that I am sharing something very personal to try and make a point, not to encourage the behaviour I exhibited at 18 years of age.)
I have been married for 9 years, and we've been "together" for 11, although about 3-4 of those years, we've been separated for one reason or another. I am going to take a shot in the dark and wonder aloud if she has possible feelings for someone else as well?
This is what (about your post) got me, you were just remarking about people's reactions to a band performance and she dumped you, without being really clear as to why. Since you guys have been together for 2 years, there are feelings there that can't be easily severed, but there is also an opening for any new potential "loves" without being truly "cheating". Does that make sense?
I did the same thing once, which is awful, but it's true. I liked someone else, my marriage wasn't going smooth so I "separated" from my husband. For awhile I was playing the fence for both of them, while I made up my mind.
You are not wrong to tell her that you love her or how you feel, however, if by any chance there is someone else in the picture (that you don't know about) it may be adding more pressure...
I wanted to add one more thing, those websites "myspace" and "facebook" are notorious hook-up sites, and changing your status on there is more for show that anything. (I know I'm not telling you anything you don't already know).
My best advice is to be 100% honest with her about your feelings, and draw a line in the sand. You have to be given clarity in this situation from her, and you deserve honesty from her about her feelings and why exactly she wants to be "without you"... I hope in the end that I am wrong and you two are just hitting a rough patch, but when I read that, I had a big flashback of my own life.
I wish you the best, you know what they say, "I can't expect anyone to respect or love me until I do the same for myself."
Bryanne~
2007-07-31 06:56:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Sounds like you are having a lovers quarral. Dont worry this happens in a lot of young relationships. Just take a deep breathe and relax. Dont beg her to come back, but dont show that your not interested. Continue dating and when and only when you feel comfertable make your move. Should you keep saying I love you? Well, thats a personal choice...do you really love her? If you do, then yea go ahead tell her the truth. Dont give up just yet, she is still sending you signals of attraction.
Good luck!
2007-07-31 06:51:09 · answer #2 · answered by hockeydude062002 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, I believe you need to talk to her. If you really love her then keep telling her you love her. Don't say it just to try to get her back. That only makes things worse. If you really do love her and want her back then continue to write her and let her know how you really feel. That's the only thing you can do. If you love her and want her back then don't give up on the relationship. You aren't going to sound needy if you tell her exactly how you feel. Now about the status on myspace, if she loves you and wants to get back with you then she isn't going to care about looking weak. Good Luck!!
2007-07-31 06:53:16 · answer #3 · answered by Diane T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its possible to love someone and not be with them. Just because you love one another doesnt mean you are meant to be together. If you want to know how she feels or what's going on just ask her. Don't second guess or sit around and wait for the answer to fall from the sky. She is the only one who really knows what she is feeling. Two years is a long time to date someone. It's not easy to walk away from a relationship or from a person you have been with for so long. If she is moving on then maybe you should to. If your meant to be together she will come back to you.
2007-07-31 06:52:34 · answer #4 · answered by Jennifer H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well dude either she has found sum1 else you know nothing about(and just because they say there is no one else..they are lying) or she just doesnt see herself goin any further with you...but if you really want her then talk to her and tell you thats what you want if she turns you down then its time for you to move on all these females in the world, there is no need to cling to one that dont want you and stop telling that girl you love her cuz that sounds desperate even though you may but the point is yall arent together so ur love isnt taken for what is used to be
2007-07-31 06:53:17 · answer #5 · answered by boolou55 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you guys are heading in the right direction but had a dump in the road.
From a girls perception....
We want to feel as if we are in control of the relationship. She just broke up with you to make herself feel as if she is in control and you are the weak one. I wouldn't keep writing too much. Give her her space and she will see that she is lost without a great guy like you. Just go with the flow. She will come back to you. You can't go wrong saying i love you unless you don't mean it. You love her and she loves you, and you can't abandon someone you love.
Trust me just show her you are willing to make compromises in the relationship to make her happy. But don't be weak or she will take control and stomp on your heart.
Just simply give her space but still let her know that you love her and if you want to start over and make it work you are willing to sacrifice for her.
I wish you the best!
-taylor <3
2007-07-31 06:54:44 · answer #6 · answered by Tay 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You dated for two years and she broke up with you because you were complaining about something one night?
There's something else going on there, you should probably talk to her about it and tell her how you feel (that you want to get back together, etc). But, if she says no, or just keeps stringing you along, it's probably best to let it end and stop allowing her to string you along.
2007-07-31 06:51:08 · answer #7 · answered by squirrely 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are trrying to rush this. She needs her time right now. keep spending time with her like you have been. If it was meant to be then it will be. But if you force this too much she will walk away. Don't over do the "I love you"s that gets annoying. I know that it means more when it is not over used.
2007-07-31 06:55:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
hi --
sometimes it's hard to just sit down and say "hey, you know what? I'd like to spend more time together and see where this relationship goes.. would you like that too?"
if you would like to have her as a girlfriend, perhaps consider talking about spending time together and see what develops.
if you don't love someone, don't say "i love you" just because they do, or just because it's what you think they want to hear.
say i love you because YOU feel that way.
take care... i hope it works out.
2007-07-31 06:51:20 · answer #9 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Woa! Thats alot of words and alot of drama for one girl so sorry but i can't read it right now and if this is about dating again then i'm ganna SCREAM!! seriously why get caught up in all that? i say courtmanship. Thats what i'm ganna do.
2007-07-31 06:55:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋