how do you forgive a person who is not sorry?

Answer 1

Forgiveness ISN'T for THEM, it's for YOU. If you WANT to be bitter, then don't forgive them.

Answer 2

You need to understand that your forgiveness and their remorse are two completely separate, though causally related, things.

You own forgiveness, because it comes from your willingness to let the infraction go and to move on. Forgiveness is unconditional. It is more of a negotiated settlement if there is a quid pro quo, a tit for tat, that requires the other party to be "sorry."

Their remorse has to come from them, and be heartfelt, not be a strategic response to an arrangement (tacit or blatant) that you will forgive them if they are "sorry." Any four year old can figure out that they can be relieved of responsibility by simply saying that they are "sorry." How many times have you observed this?

To forgive someone, you have to come to a place within yourself where the transgression is no longer important enough for you to carry it around any more. This is not the same as saying to yourself that you won't make a big deal out of it any more but you will still seethe inside whenever it occurs to you -- this is truly leaving it behind. It is possible to forgive but not forget, but that memory has to just a memory, and not a hair trigger that leads to your revoking your forgiveness at a later date.

Forgiveness is unconditional, once it is done, it is done. Unless, and until, you can do that, you cannot truly forgive.

Answer 3

Forgiveness is a 2 step process, a 2 way street. If you want to forgive someone then do so. True forgiveness does not require the other person to accept it but unless they do they are not forgiven. You may give a person a car for them to drive to the hospital but if they refuse to start the engine and they die, then it is their problem, not yours.
Deep forgiveness (such as Christ interceding for the men who were crucifying Him by praying Father forgive them for they know not what they do) cleanses YOU. But refusing to ASK for forgiveness is consequently an unforgivable sin. This is the unforgivable sin; that a man refuses to admit he needs to be forgiven. But if you are hanging on waiting to get a Please forgive me, from the other person then you have not forgiven them yet. When you do, you will be free, regardless of what the other person thinks.

Answer 4

This is a Christian thing. You can forgive anyone you want, but to me, that person cannot really be forgiven unless he asks for forgiveness. I also do not believe you can forgive someone for killing someone else. If someone murders your friend you may be able to forgive him for the pain he caused you but the killer cannot be forgiven because the only one who can forgive him is dead. That is why I think murder is unforgivable.

This is one example where Christians and I disagree.

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Answer 5

By remembering that forgiveness isn't something you do for the other person - it's something you do for yourself. It's a conscious decision to let go of the hard feelings and the need for them to 'make it right.' It doesn't mean you have to be their friend or pretend something didn't happen. You just refuse to hold the negative feelings.

I did this with an ex-friend of mine. Pretty much I let her know what had hurt me, that I no longer held any bad feelings toward her and wished her well. But we're not friends anymore.

Answer 6

This is an excellent question. It is vital to forgive others even when they don't ask for forgiveness. If you don't bitterness can take root and grow in your heart.

You can do it with the grace of God.

Matthew 6:14-15
"But if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
But if you do not forgive others then your Father will not forgive your transgressions."

I hope this helps.

Answer 7

Ah, the question of eternal curiosity. I often wonder "if forgivness is centered around letting go of the situation, how do you determine the difference between 'letting go' vs. 'not caring about it anymore', if there is a difference, and how to go about guarding oneself agaist repressing lingering anger. I know several people close to me who spit out their opinions without thinking, and then act like such actions are simply to be overlooked (they were 'having a bad day', they are 'chemically imbalanced', and a myriad other cop out excuses, seeing as to how such excuses would never work in my case). I've had roommates who had no respect for my space, yet should someone call them on their intrusive behavior it was a grave offense. I think about them and still have an emotional response, how do I deal with that? I'm still working on it.

The first thing: I'VE LEARNED TO STOP EXPECTING AN APOLOGY and I've also learned to deal with the fact that said lowered expetation lowers the level of respect I have for that persons CHOICE OF CHARACTER. I still regard them with the dignity that ALL people deserve. I need to examine myself, then, too see that since I regard their behavior less I must not allow such behavior in myself. If I have expectations of others I must meet them first.

I don't know why, but that helps. It's a longwinded answer but so is forgiveness. Understand their offense, don't expect an apology from someone who is too blissfully ignorant of their shortcomings and offenses to give it to you, and 3rd see to it that you learn from their mistakes to not do what they have done.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

Would you want someone to forgive you even though you know you are wrong? It happens all the time. Then you go on living your life and pray/hoping they someday will forgive themselves for their own wrong doings unto others. If you keep in the hate. It will bring you down along with them. And you'll be miserable too.

Answer 9

You forgive the person and not their sin. You hate the sin, but you never hate the person. You are to love the person. Most people don't even know what they are doing in today's world.
They think they are making things happen to themselves, but it is evil spirits that they have allowed inside of them to influence their minds.

You must forgive because bitterness will eat at your body and make you ill. There is no good in bitterness and resentment.

Answer 10

Forgiveness is an act of compassion, not redemption. This is yours to give as you see fit.

To repent (be truly sorry) and ask for forgiveness is the act of redemption. This is for the other person to deal with.

Answer 11

The late Fred Rogers said a lot of things that were helpful to me. It's still one of the toughest questions. In a nutshell, forgiveness is part of being a good neighbor.