WHY IS HE DOING THIS? What did I do? What is going on in his mind?

Question

There's this guy that has liked me a lot for quite sometime now. We would talk endlessly for hours online until two in the morning. The next day he'd bring up topic we'd talked about in school. At dances, he'd wander around me and join in on conversations I was having with other people, even interrupting if it was a conversation with another guy. His friends talked about how much he liked me and that he would save all the online conversations I had with him. He promised and continually asked me when we would hang out. I took a step forward to show him that I liked him (asking to hang out) but that was it. I never said anything else or did anything else at all. But then...he left for camp and from what it looks like on Facebook, he met this girl and they flirted at camp and on Facebook even after camp was over.

This guy and I were always friends, nothing before or after camp, during school or summer. And then today, I realized that he'd removed me from his friends on Facebook!

It was such a slap in the face because we were friends, nothing more! Why did he do this? He really, really liked me as a crush even though we were only friends - so why from there to absolutely no friendship at all! I'm still friends with his friends and talk to them all the time. So why is he doing this? Did the girl from camp play any part? I did absolutely nothing more at all to insinuate I liked him so...what's going on with him?

Answer 1

You didn't do anything wrong. It sounds like he wishes to be with a girl who will perhaps "put out". A lot of boys are really into their hormones and will chase a girl until she either gives out, or he thinks she won't. At this point he will either continue to "date" the girl who gives him sex, or dump her and find another who will, or if he discovers a girl won't give it out he will dump her.

I am not sure the age group here, but it sounds like he has moved on to a girl who will give him what he wants. It really hurts when we discover a guy we thought was sweet and nice really only has one thing on his mind. However, boys are notoriously horney, which means they are constantly looking for sexual partners or conquests. If this is what he was really looking for them be gratefull he is no longer giving you attention.

You sound like a lovely young woman. You were moving along slowly at your own pace with a boy you like and whom you thought liked you in return. However, boys and girls think differently on this subject. Girls are looking for more of an emotional connection while boys are looking for a physical connection. The emotional connection is ideal and is an integral part of any healthy romatic relationship. If two people can't have a friendship as a foundation of a relationship, the relationship will fail.

However, boys are not ready at the same age that girls are for an emotional connection. Now, not all boys fall into this category, but most do. There are always "exceptions to the rule", which means not eveyone fits into the mold that the majority do. For example lets just say eighty percent of adolesent boys wish only a physical connection and a temporary one at that. Twenty percent wish either an emotional attachment or both an emotional and physical connection. The percentage of boys out of that twenty percent exception will be much higher whom with both a physical and emotional connection, while a much smaller number will wish an emotional connection and be willing to wait for the physical part of the relationship.

As boys grow older more wish an emotional and physical connection. However, boys still have far fewer wishes for an emotional connection than girls the same age.

This conundrum is one huge reason girls give out sexual favors much earlier than they might otherwise wish. Many young girls fall into sexual encounters they really weren't ready for simply because they know that is what boys are looking for. Some girls who have very low self esteem will give boys what they wish simply so they can show other girls that boys "like" her or are "attracted" to her. As the number of boys who wish some emotional connection along with the sexual activities are so small, girls tend to fight over them. This is not becoming of anyone.

Perhaps you won't wish to hear the truth of the matter. Perhaps you wish to ignore the fact that most boys your age are looking for a sexual partner. I hope not. It sounds like you have more self esteem than a lot of girls your age. Keep that self esteem intact by holding strong to your beliefs and do not give out what you are not ready to give. Doing so will harm your feelings of self worth and lower your self esteem.

We teach people how to treat us. If we treat ourselves with respect, others will treat us that way too. If we treat ourselves poorly, others will treat us poorly too. If we don't respect ourselves nobody else will either. The young women who treat themselves with respect are the young women who will wind up with the best men when they are older. It is as simple as that. The girls who give out now will be perceived as young women of low moral charactor. Young men will not wish to marry these types of women. These are not the types of women men bring home to meet their mothers. They may play with these women for a time, but they won't marry them.

I know the concept of marriage is far from your radar right now. However, how you treat yourself now, will determine an awful lot later on in your life.

You did nothing wrong and everything right. If a boy wishes to move on because you won't give out, then he is not the type of boy you wish as a friend anyway. It shows he never valued you as a friend in the first place, but that you were somebody he wished to get down the pants of. Believe it or not, but boys will do and say almost anything to get down a girls pants. He will even say he loves you! He will say you are the most beautiful women he has ever laid eyes on, that you are the most special woman, that he never felt this way about anyone before, and then when he gets what he wants he moves on! I hope you don't find this out the hard way.

Good luck and continue to honor yourself as you are doing currently and you will do just fine. Have a great day.

Answer 2

Ok first question, How old are you? because you're talking about facebook, school and camp. Im 25 but its wanst that long ago that I was in school and had a major crush and all the other stuff. Life doenst end because of an facebook removal. Some guys dont have the courage to talk to a girl. A nice guy would much rather stay friends than to mess up a friendship. So he bonded with another girl at camp. I know it seems like a big deal but it aint worth your tears and these types of emotions. Who knows maybe they are just friends. . Remember he isnt your boyfriend. .Talk to the guy and just tell him that you want to know what is going on, and that he cant be acting like a typical jealous boyfriend when you are around other guys. You guys are either together or dating other people in that case you shouldnt have to worry about what the other is doing. . youll be fine. . life goes on. . Live, Love, Learn

Answer 3

That is totally weird..talk to him. Try to get ahold of him and ask what is going on because as far as you know you've done nothing wrong. The girl from camp may have had something to do with it..you never know..until you ask you're just gonna keep going around in circles asking your self questions when you should be asking him these questions

Answer 4

Well it was good that you were friends from the begging and not dating. As for him it his loss that he never stuck around for you right. So maybe once he realizes that this new girl is no good, hey maybe she is really nice tho, he'll come back, thats if you want him back. For him to inturrupt your conversations all the time, thats not good. The bright side there are a bunch of other guys out there why follow one that is rude and like flirting with other girls. Good luck.

Answer 5

Yeah I mean I guess he thought that things with you were going anywhere and he has a girl now. Why look at something that you can't have? That is probably the reason he took you off his facebook. I mean would you want you boyfriend to take his crush off his friends too? I say talk to him and see if he really is trying to give you the cold shoulder.

Answer 6

It looks to me like you stood there twiddling your thumbs too long. He got tired of waiting for you to show some interest, and he found someone else. Perhaps she is the jealous type or he felt that this new girl would get upset about your being on his facebook account. I'm guessing he just got tired of waiting.

Sorry,
Jer

Answer 7

let him be. u dont need someone like that. u are fine. its better he found someone while u guys werent together instead of leaving u after dating for much longer. shows u where ppl really stand and how much they really liked it from the beginning. dont trip over him. have him worry about u. its the way it is. you're a big girl. dont worry.

Answer 8

Sounds like he's just really horny and he's looking for the quickest solution. You're young, don't let this get you down. You are going to have much better relationships in your life.

Answer 9

that's rude. buuuut, you can play a HUGE joke on him to get him back for doing that.
1.go out and do things he liked to do with all his friends.
2.drive him crazy by flirting with his friends in front of him.
3.he'll crack soon.

Answer 10

awwwwwwww i think that u should leave him. still be friends but nothing more since he seems kind of flirty.