My mom is making things impossible for me & my fiancé, Scott. My sister decided to change her wedding date to this Sept instead of Sept ’08. Scott is a Air Traffic Controller and has bid for is vacations. My mom wants him to take time away from seeing his family during Thanksgiving to come to the wedding instead. (we live in IL, they in CT) 1st, when he bids for vacation he is basically stuck and 2nd he should be able to go home for Thanksgiving. I told her the only thing he could do is ask if he could switch his two days off for that week, but they might not say yes. I also told her that he does not know who to ask right now since they are always switching supervisors, and he may be even done training by then, which will change everything. Also, we don't even know if how many of his co-workers asked off for that weekend. My mom has even called his mom about this situation. I just do not know what to do, please help!
2007-07-31 05:04:03 · 33 answers · asked by Amy J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Your mom is being unreasonable. He needs to take care of his job because this is the job that will be paying your bills and taking care of you both when you are married. Take a stand and tell your mom that he simply can not leave.
2007-07-31 05:08:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋
Wow.. that is so selfish. I'm sure that if the bride-to-be reads this email a year from now, she will hide in shame. I think the problem here is that your sister is very caught up in the "me me me!" moment of wedding planning - the cake I want, the dress I like, the music I want to hear at the reception, the way I want my bridesmaids to look, the people I want at my wedding, etc. She needs to take a step back and analyze the situation. Yes, family is important and I can see why she wants your fiance to be at the wedding. But his reason is a valid one - if he gets very limited vacation time, then even one day off is a big deal. And if the choice boils down to taking off for your girlfriend's sister's wedding or for Thanksgiving with your own parents, immediate family wins, hands down. If your sister is so obsessed with everything "looking right" at the wedding and Scott being in the photos, she can just have a page in her wedding scrapbook with Scott's picture and some sort of note about "and here's my loser future bro-in-law whose lame job didn't give him time off to come to the wedding". As for her saying "he's not making the effort", that is usually what people say when they are not getting their way. Your sis should be thankful that she is having a wonderful wedding, marrying a great guy, and will be surrounded by almost all of her loved ones. Not everyone is this lucky. Some of my friends have gotten married without their own parents or siblings present because they could not get oversees visa's to attend the wedding, etc.
2016-05-18 23:19:03 · answer #2 · answered by natasha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget your mom for a moment. How does your sister feel about this? Does she understand that his need to put in for vacation time far in advance and her sudden date change could cause problems and he may not be able to attend? Does she understand that even if he can swing it, it means missing thanksgiving with his own parents? If she is aware of these facts, then ask her how SHE feels about it. Does she feel like he's not making an effort to be a part of your family, or does she understand that this is just "tough stuff" and he wishes her the best anyway?
If your sister gets it, then ask for her help with your mom. If the bride doesn't mind, then you'll have more luck getting your mom to understand. If your sister doesn't agree, then try to rationalize it with your mom one last time. Try not to get angry or upset, no matter how ridiculous your mom is being.
She's probably stressed right now about your sister's wedding AND may have some crazy idea in her head about your fiance hiding from this wedding = he's scared to marry you!
If you honestly can't make any progress with your mom, then (easier said than done) just try to ignore it, and don't let her get to you. Your sister's opinion of her wedding counts more than your mom, but it's good to see that YOU and YOUR FIANCE have your heads in the right place even if your family isn't quite getting it.
Good luck!
2007-07-31 05:11:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I answered your other question already, and I wanted to read this one, too.
I worked in the airline industry for a while, so I understand what you mean about bidding for vacation days. Since you mentioned training, it sounds to me like he's pretty far down the seniority ladder, so he's pretty much stuck with the vacation days he gets, unless he manages to luck into finding a co-worker who also got bad days, and they switch.
And honestly, if your sister changes her wedding date by moving it an entire year forward, then she needs to suck it up. She caused the scheduling conflict herself. Ms. Bridezilla needs to understand that her wedding is not nearly as important to everyone else as it is to her, and your fiance certainly doesn't need to miss Thanksgiving with his family to drive several states away and be bored at her reception. It was nice of her to invite his parents, but getting to see them at her event doesn't come close to forcing him to miss Mom's pumpkin pie on one of the best holidays of the year.
And your mom needs to butt out. She had no right at all to call his mom, who also has no control over the situation. His mom isn't the person who schedules his time off.
If it's so incredibly important to your sister that your boyfriend be at her wedding (which is a little creepy, her wanting to arrange her whole life around him), then she should put it back on it's original date.
Honestly, if people were acting like that about something to me, I might not go myself.
2007-07-31 08:03:15 · answer #4 · answered by Queen Queso 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is your guest. Not your mom's. I guess she really likes Scott, she wants him to be at the wedding so bad. I would have Scott call and talk to your mom about the situation. It sounds like your opinion doesn't matter, plus, in your mom's eyes, your just making excuses. So if Scott calls her and say's:
"Gee, MOM, I really want to be there but they wont let me off and I've asked and blah blah...it's just to bad. Hopefully....blah blah...I love your daughters so much (you know, really kisses her *** and lets her know that this is important to him). Then your mom will feel satisfied and leave you alone.
Good luck!
Oh, btw, people miss weddings all the time, it's not the end of the world. The wedding will go on.
2007-07-31 05:12:11 · answer #5 · answered by enriquelomasa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in a similar situation (My boyfriend is in the Navy and can't exactly take time off whenever he wants to come 1200 miles to my sister's wedding with me...boo!)
While it kind of stinks that you'll be going to the wedding alone, it really has nothing to do with your mom and she should be a little more understanding of that. Maybe she feels bad for you, that you'll be alone.
Maybe sit down with your mom and explain the entire situation to her and that you're okay to go alone, and that at his job, he can't just "not show up" because someone NEEDS to be there. Try to put her in a similar situation and reverse the roles... what if YOU had a similar job and HIS sister was getting married and you had to miss Thanksgiving with your mom to go the wedding...Maybe it'll put it into perspective for her!
Good luck!
2007-07-31 05:18:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put your foot down and tell your mom to butt out. If you're old enough to have a fiance, you're also old enough to tell your mom (politely!) when she's out of line, and she is clearly out of line here.
Talk to your fiance and see what he wants to do. If he'd rather go see his family for Thanksgiving, be understanding to his situation. If he would like to go to the wedding, do your best to help him get that time off. Remind your mom that it's not his fault your sister changed the date and now there is a conflict with his work schedule. Your mom and sister should both be understanding of the fact that changing a wedding date (especially without a lot of notice) means some guests will simply not be able to attend. Remind your mom that it is perfectly acceptable for ANYONE (excluding the bridal party) to decline the invitation, and that includes your fiance.
2007-07-31 05:07:35 · answer #7 · answered by corinne1029 4 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Easy peasy!!!
tell your mom that it isn't the wedding that counts, but the marriage. explain that she is putting a lot of unneeded stress on you by doing this and she should be happy that you are even speaking to her after she had the nerve to call his mom.
Your sister may only get married once, but she will be married for a long time to come. If it is all about the pictures, get dressed up and photoshop yourself in. (if you don't know how contact me through here and I will either explain or do it for you) If it is because your sister will be devastated if you don't go, then explain things to your sister.
If your mom is pressing you because she is trying to be a Mom/Nazi about the wedding, tell her to shove off and if you go you go, if you don't... then you will see her at the first opportunity you get.
2007-07-31 05:32:32 · answer #8 · answered by Katie N 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I answered on part two of this question before reading this one.
WOW! I can't believe how selfish your mom and sister are being. She changed the wedding and she is getting on you about your fiances vacation???? Get over yourself!!
I would just tell them that he has or is putting in a request and be done with it. There is nothing more you or your fiance can do about the situation and there is no sense stressing yourself out about it either.
(If it were me I'd say to them "don't you have something else to stress over??") They may be stressed and taking it out on you.
I'm sorry you have been put in that situation I hope it works out!
2007-07-31 13:34:16 · answer #9 · answered by Reba 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your mom that your fiance can't get the time off at this late notice and already has plans to take vacations with his family at Thanksgiving. It's unfair for your mother to demand he attend the wedding. Stick to your guns on this one!
2007-07-31 08:00:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mom needs to chill out. what is the big deal since your sister changed her wedding date why should your fiancee change his vacation days. that is taking things away from his family and he may end up being angry at u for having to change his thanksgiving plans with his side of his family to accomodate your side. if he gives in now just imagine what going to happen when u are married. U need to tell mommy dearest to get a grip and tell her to not be so selfish and that scott has family too and he wants to be with them over thansgiving holiday. dont make scott switch his plans just to accomodate mommy. if your sisters not upset then your mommy will have to suck it up and go on with her plans and help your sister finish up her wedding. But u need to go with scott and be with his family this thanksgiving and then show mommy that there are two families involved and u need to stand beside scott and tell her that u are not going to force scott to change his vacation and to stop calling scotts mom like she can do anything about it. then politely tell her u have decided to join scotts family for the holidays and she will have to get used to sharing u and him with both families. she will pitch a fit and get mad but trust me it will work out for the best...
2007-07-31 05:38:42 · answer #11 · answered by THE UK WILDCAT FAMILY 10 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋