Should I let it go?

Question

I am an American Arab... I was visiting my family over seas 2 years ago, and they were great... I remember them from childhood - but 7 years later - going back as an adult, I was more of a guest than a family member. I always told my dad that seeing his family was great (and it was) but when I happned to mention (2 years later) in a conversation about letting people go - that I was not really "family to them anymore but more of a guest" my dad got upset - and called me a "Bastard" (which is a big insult when spoken in Arabic).

I love my family... and I wanted them to go back to normal - but lets face it... things change - and I lived in the United States for 9 years- they don;t look at me as one of them anymore... am I right in thinking this? Should I just let them go?

I have my mother... who is residing in the U.S.

Answer 1

No, they are your family and if you let them go, who will have then?

Answer 2

I know it feels that way, but its just feelings, its not the truth. I think that your father felt you were turning your back on your family, something that isn't done in any culture. You don't have to visit them, you simply have to remember them. Send appropriate greetings occasionally. You never know when you need family, and you can't get rid of them. Just live your life and don't worry about it.

Oh and, you are not an American Arab. I am not an American French, Irish, German. If you are a citizen, we are simply Americans. If you are not a citizen, then you need to become one if you are staying here. If you don't want to do that, then you had best keep friendly with the folks back home because eventually that's where you will be too.

Answer 3

Hmmm...I've got to ask if questioning a host's hospitality might not be considered just as much of an insult in your culture? I know in some cultures it would be. If it is, you might apologize to your father for your own insult just to make sure you have a clean slate. Then realize that there may be some feelings you want to keep to yourself.

That said, it's quite possible that the change in feeling visiting now isn't so much feeling like a visitor versus family as feeling like an adult versus a child. I have a similar feeling when I go home to see my parents and even more so when I see my aunts and uncles and grandparents. It doesn't have much to do with the cultural differences as with the fact that as an adult I now recognize boundaries that I never saw as a kid.

Answer 4

Yes just let it go. If you want to have more a relationship with them then you need to make an effort. Technology does allow you to have communications with people all over. Your dad was right to be angry. He grew up with these people. He knows them like you know your friends/cousins from your childhood. When you know someone for their entire childhood , you know who they are in their core. That is the foundation of who we all are. Apologize to your dad and ask him to tell you stories about his family.

Answer 5

You need to do what's best for you. Maybe it's still possible to have a relationship with them even though you do live over here in the U.S. The relationship would need a little work, but if you're willing to work on it....

But if you feel that it's best just to let them go, that's your decision.

Answer 6

I am the black sheep of my family and have come to understand that no matter what I do, I wll always be considered different. It is not so much that they are family but that they make you feel like a stranger and that makes one feel like you do not belong and uncomfortable about who you are, even if you are different. It is a hard choice for many, one that was fairly easy for me to make, but if they make you feel like a stranger then are they family? Can you continue to consider them worthy to be called "family"?

Answer 7

well you don't have to let it go just keep your distant from them i guess, no matter how close you are to someone when visiting them you become a guest so don't worry about that part