My fiancé and I have been together 6 yrs now and his mom & I have always gotten along great, we would email on a daily basis. They live about 75 mi. SW of us so we don't get down there to see them terribly often but it has always been that way. Then at the end of Oct he finally popped the question, since then it has all been down hill, with his mom. I dread getting e-mails from her now & they only come like once a week at most. She is trying to control every aspect of our wedding. We are paying for everything ourselves, that is how we want it & in turn that means we get to do things how we want to, not meaning I don't want suggestions,but she is out of control, her guest list alone had almost 300 people on it! His sister is going to be a Jr Bridesmaid, it took his mom 1 1/2 mths (after the other Girls) to bring her up to get the dress ordered. She's driving me insane, she has become a Mother-In-Law-zilla. I try to put on a smile & bear it but I'm not sure how much longer I can take it!
2007-07-31 03:06:42 · 19 answers · asked by Tracy S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Regardless of who's paying for the wedding, everyone should give the bride and groom-to-be space and respect whatever decisions they make for their wedding. If she gives you suggestions that you may not agree with or don't like at all, then be kind and thank her for her suggestions and tell her you will consider everything before making a final decision. As far as the 300 guest list, you AND YOUR FIANCE need to make it clear that you're only able to accommodate for a certain number of guests and it needs to be cut down significantly to family and close friends per side. Prepare her for the possiblity of reviewing her guest list again and cutting it by half if that's what you see fit. But first and foremost, be polite and respectful because this is his mother and you'll have to deal with her for the rest of your life! :)
2007-07-31 03:16:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to call her. Most of the time emails come off wrong and she may be taking things the wrong way or you may be doing the same. I would call her and let her know that you are not inviting 300 people to the wedding. Unless she is planning on paying for most of it. Let her know that it is in not in your budget to do. Also tell her you appriciate her suggestions but that you are going to do things your way and have the dream wedding you want. Let her know that if you need her help you will call her.
I think she is just overly excited and wants to be a big part in your big day. However if she is not going to pay for anything then do not worry about what she ask you to do. I would also let your hubby to be know how you feel . Just incase his mother calls and says you were mean. He can stand up for you. Remember to be nice on the phone when you speak to her.
2007-07-31 03:14:30 · answer #2 · answered by Va princess 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unless she gets demanding or hostile, grin even more. That's how alot of mothers are, including my dear future mother in law. They're just very excited is all. Talk to your fiancee and ask him to step in if needed, but please do keep your temper with her, this is his mother and it won't look good on you if there is a fight, whether you're right or wrong. Cut the guest list as needed - absolutely, especially if you're paying for it. My MIL did the same thing, but did not force it on us, it was just a suggestion list. I know it's tough, but please just bear with her, she's very excited. Besides, setting up an email filter is a snap job too *wink* - have fun.
Ima24nut - I agree, I'm currently going through that with my mother in law to be. 3 months until our wedding and she's fading fast - I'd gladly let her steamroll our wedding just to have her there. The hardest thing is having to look at the pain in your fiancee's eyes knowing his beloved mom wont' be there.
2007-07-31 03:59:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I Had the same problem with my mil from hell. she made it so finally i had enough and went to her and took her to lunch and told her i had had it. This is my wedding and not hers and she doesnt need to control any aspect of it . they got mad at me but i was able to finalize my plans with out her nosing in on everything and making us miserable. If u dont stop the insanity now u will end up miserable and unhappy on your wedding day while your mil glows in her achievement. Plus u need to tell her that when the dresses come in u need the girl up here for fitting or u are sorry she will have to be replaced . that may get her moving. just dont stress and have your future hubby step in and take some of the back lash from his mom .
2007-07-31 05:49:04 · answer #4 · answered by THE UK WILDCAT FAMILY 10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry this is happening before your wedding. For some reason weddings and funerals bring out the worst in some people. I had a similar situation - the best advice I can give you is to make sure you get the support from your husband to be. Otherwise it can lead to animosity between you two when it is really the mother in law! Couples counseling could help you do this too ( to help your husband understand the importance of sticking up for his wife now and forever!) Good Luck!
2007-07-31 03:16:55 · answer #5 · answered by levy 30 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Weddings are tense times for everyone. She probably thinks she's helping. Grin and bear it to the extent you can, thank her for her suggestions, and then do it your own way. Since you and your fiance are paying for the wedding, you need to tell her that she may invite x number of guests only. Enlist your fiance's help in this so that you don't come off as the horrid daughter-in-law. Be gentle, be understanding (she's going to be your mother-in-law for life!), and be grateful she doesn't live next door!
2007-07-31 03:18:02 · answer #6 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a tidal wave that you will have to ride out. Remember... this is also her little boy's wedding, too. Not just your own. If you want to start your new in-law relationship out on the wrong foot, fight her about the wedding. If you want to be happy and remain friends with the mom-in-law let her arrange the wedding, but let her know that your budget is for a small wedding. If she wan't to take it to the next level, she better bust out her own Master Card.
My wife and I planned a small wedding with immediate family. When her parents (Greeks) found out, it turned into My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
Literally...
watch the movie...
that is my wedding video.
Don't sweat it.
The wedding will come and go, but the Mom-in-law relationship will always be there...
good or bad.
2007-07-31 03:15:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Latrail.
You are going to have this woman in your life from now on. Never set a guide line with her. If you decide to go that route, have your fiancee do it. It is his mother and she will take it better. Remember too that she is excited and is honestly just trying to be helpful. When she gives her advice, smile and thank her. Think about it and do as you want. You can remind her with a gentle word and a smile that it is your wedding. That said, you may also expect the repercussion.
Congrats and good luck. Make it a wonderful life with your best friend.
2007-07-31 03:31:45 · answer #8 · answered by dellet2 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This brings back memories of my ex-mother-in-law.
Time to bring her son into the picture and if he can't tell her by phone or in person, he should send her an e-mail saying 1. How many people she is allowed to invite and to revise her list ASAP and let you know and 2. It's your wedding, you're paying and you will do things the way you want.
My Ex-Mother-in-law took it upon herself without talking to me to invite HER family members to be part of the wedding party. I already had my wedding party picked so ended up with a larger one. I couldn't tell a little cousin she couldn't be the Flower Girl now because I had one from day one.
I wish now I told her to check with me before going ahead and doing anything. Don't let her ruin it.
I just remarried but unfortunately my parents passed away just before I met him but at least we didn't have anyone but ourselves making plans.
2007-07-31 03:17:11 · answer #9 · answered by NewGrandma 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your fiance needs to tell her to get a grip....300 people for 1 side guest list is absurd! You guys need to decide together how many people you'd want in total, then give her a number she may invite from there. If your reception was $50 per person, that would be $15,000 just to accomodate her guests!
2007-07-31 03:18:01 · answer #10 · answered by melouofs 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋